november again

november again

ho hum - november is upon us again a month i HATE as its when my late wife passed away in 2006 and it brings back so many bad memories each year - and feelings of hate for the crap doctors and health service that failed to save her - the local hosital will NEVER be forgiven for the appaling way they treated her either , any way to the point of this post ....

so next month is december - with christmas and the new year - and as for the last years i will , like many other widows and widowers be spending it totally alone ( apart from muffie 01 - my cat ) - and DESPITE all the BS the politicos and do gooders spout - there is NO help out there for us ( unless you wanna go running to the samaritons or equivelent ) - I don't know about you guys but NO ONE ( except a REAL friend who lives 300 miles away ) gives a crap - my remaining family don't , tho no doubt they will here like vultures when i snuff it ( well they will be out of luck my will says they get NOTHING .LMAO ) - my supposed neigbours ONLY come near me when THEY want something - and i could ,again like a lot of older isolated folk be lying here dead for all they know , only to be discovered ( as others in the city have been ) ,when the smell got bad or the council chased up unpaid council tax ( 3 years in a lady who my late wife know of locally ) .............. yea i know reality is depressing ain't it ??

any ways - just felt like having a rant at 06:18 am - in a load of pain and wondering what the hell to do with myself today ?? ( severe ostio arthritis ) - is it any wonder we get depressed ??

14 Replies

  • Hi Muffie

    Your cat is gorgeous! Whereabouts do you live, because he would match my settees beautifully if I was to come and pinch him!

    I'm sad that you feel so lonely, but smiling at the thought of your relatives reading your will and discovering you've left them nothing! I can't bear people taking advantage of older people with money. A girl I know befriends quite a few people, and takes her little boys to visit them periodically. The children then do very well at birthdays and Christmas and while I'm sure it's all genuine, it makes me feel a bit unsettled

    You mentioned your neighbours only visiting you when they want something - could you pay them a visit instead perhaps?

    Not sure what you could do today. It's quite sunny here in Wales, so I'm off to IKEA. Could you manage a little walk somewhere?

    Lucy x

  • thank you lucy - and muffie is a girl . ( rescue cat - origionally called "muffina " ) lol

  • Hi you are not the only one who will be alone at Christmas! I have 3 sisters - my eldest is a recluse and rarely goes out, my middle one will spend it with her boyfriend and my youngest one the only one with a family has made it clear she doesn't want me there...

    I do sometimes get an invite from a friend or 2 but otherwise I am on my own as well. I make the best of it - I take the dog out for a long walk and meet folk for a chat, then I go to my local pub for a couple of drinks and a chat with drinking friends. I always ensure sure I make myself a great Christmas dinner (with fish coz I don't eat meat). I then sleep for a while and by the time I wake up it is evening and I watch telly then before you know it Christmas is gone.

    I hope you find some company at Christmas. x

  • hi - thanks for the reply - well actually i don't really celabrate christmas anyway as i am NOT religious ( long story - don't want to bore you ) - and don't get me started on the rubbish on tv over that period .lol - the real bummer is i can't even HAVE a few beers as the meds i am on preclude drinking completely - been teatotal for over ten years now - so pretty much screwed whicherway LOL - ah well it will soon be here and OVER - and we can get back to normality - or what passes for it

    all the best :-)

  • Love your honest post and it is true there is so much selfishness out there, so no easy answers especially when you have osteo arthritis. There ARE some good people it is a question of recognising them or being able to make contact with them. Some befrienders can be very genuine for example and people from Age UK volunteers and so on. It does seem in our society now that the more you push and value yourself the more you get and if you are a little bit "under" you can get ignored.

    It's hard to "promote" yourself when you have depression and havingrelatives you are unable to relate to or get any real help from or having very few relatives and being very isolated well that strikes a complete chord with me.

    Hoping you feel a little better; you are welcome on here always of course.

    Gemma X

  • hi Gemma - thanks for the reply - yes we ARE becoming very INSULAR as a society - and all these "cutbacks " in services don't help as local concils and voluntery groups are hard pressed these days ( we can spend millions on ( insert lost cause here ) but help for vunerable people ?? forget it !! ) - but of course the media and the "sheepel's " general attitude don't help as we are all scrunging parasights who should get a job - blah - blah- blah - but i better not get on that soap box or we will be here all day .lol

    all the best XX

  • Hi there and welcome to our Merry crew. You will fit in well. Lol. I love love love

    Your cat, I have a rescue cat myself called LUNA.

    I live alone too but I think the way we live today is isolating and there is no point

    Being bitter about it. I have a few friends but my own family are not great, and

    Even though they are all successful and have two homes each etc. I feel my family

    Have gotten selfish and don't want to be bothered with someone suffering from.Depressio . But I do t really care any more as I am happy enough without


    What happened your wife? It's hard to lose a wife or husband, but don't let anger take over

    Your life, it's a waste of energy.

    Hooe to get to know you better.

    Hannah x

  • hi Hannah - Francina my late wife passed away in 2006 from cancer - it was very sudden and i'm afraid i can NEVER forgive the medical profession - for the catalogue of errors starting of with a locum ( on call ) GP who did not think JAUNDICE required hopital admission ( thank god for the on the ball paramedic who over ruled him ) - through to the local charnal house they call a hospital down here who allowed my wife to have a fall during her stay and tried to cover it up and their DESPICABLE tactics in trying to FORCE her to have chemo when she had decided NOT to have it - so yes bitter ?? - guilty as charged !! ( theres more to the story but those are the salient points )

    and what makes it WORSE was the fact we both took so long to find each other and then only had 4 years together ( we married late both having been alone for most of our lives ) and i don't know if you and others believe in love at first sight - but we just cliked - and where life two halves of the same apple - my soulmate if you like - we could literally read each others minds - any way you get the picture

    so what with this and my medical problems - you can see why i get so down ( have posted this as background for all readers ) ;-)

    fine on your rescue cat LUNA - i have always had cats - in fact my late mother was known as the local "cat lady " ( crazy cat lady ala the simpsons .lol ?? ) and all bar 2 have been rescues or strays that just walked in and decided to stay - but as ALL cat people know they don't have owners - they have STAFF !!

    all the best xx

  • Hello,

    just reading your post and they part about you only finding each other later on in life both upsets me and makes me so happy at the same time.

    on one hand it is so cruel that you only got to spend a short time together but great you found each other even for such a brief time.

    The way you describe your love for each other is beautiful, ive known my partner for 10 years and seen each other on and off over that time but i was never fully interested, however 6 months ago (after much horrible treatment of other men) something just clicked, i now think of him as my soulmate and cant believe the difference in my feelings, he is my better half and its just right and normal.

    i cant believe all that time i feel we have missed because of me but i believe everything happens for a reason and i must just not have been ready at the time, the heart wants what it wants.

    Now you have come to this site you have found a wealth of friends and people who care about you, this site helped me through very dark times when i was miles away from home

    your cat is gorgeous by the way and i lost my boy of 18 years last year, he was my baby and was always therefore me. Take comfort in your girl, you are lucky to have her :)

    take care :)


  • Oh I do wish medics would LISTEN to patients and do what patients find helpful rather than what medics think should happen - often because it ease THEIR sense of helplessness at being unable to cure things like cancer. My husband has DNR (do not resuscitate) on his medical records but even so we come across one medic after another who insists on treating him. He has had to take his own discharge from A & E several times and it is so refreshing when we come across a medic who understands why it would be stupid to revive him if his life is under threat (end stage renal failure plus inoperable aneurism etc). I dread to think what will happen when he becomes too old to fight for his own rights and I have to do it all for him - we are thinking of making a living will and power of attorney but it takes a lot of effort to deal with everything everyday and get around to doing that.

    I do hope you manage to move on from your anger, not to forgive the medics for their mistakes but to forgive them for not realising that what they did was NOT for the best, forgive their ignorance. Have a decent Christmas. I agree there is a lot of rubbish on tv a lot of the time - I buy secondhand dvds of my favourite programmes and store them up to have as a treat over the Christmas and new year period, I have that to look forward to :)


  • Often feel like a damn good rant myself, and I do, sometimes I am more emotional. I lost my Dad when I was a kid, and get down at times in the year which are stark reminder dates. He was my best friend and I miss him. Sorry you lost your wife, it is truly awful to be left behind. I have a partner and 2 kids, 17 and 5 year old, plus a step son who is 19. Life is busy, and I know I am lucky. The thing is when that person is missing things seem so different to how they should be. I love cats, had one back then. Kinda waffling here, but just wanted to chat to you really. Feel for you, but you have us on here, I know it's not anything like what you want but maybe it will help to just rant on here when you need to, take care X

  • Can I start with your cat is gorgeous ... I don't have an answer for you unfortunately but I do understand the emotional pain your in, I agree people don't give a .... , its a careless society we live in and your correct about all the talk of help, aye right!. Why don't you call your local paper for them to do an article on what it's like and see what kind of response you get cause I'm sure there are lots of people around you feeling the same. I know it's u comfy putting yourself out there but nothing will change if you don't do it. No one else will so.... I hope you do!

  • thanks - can i just say on the paper idea - VESTED INTEREST - local politicos - say no more nudge nudge ;-);-)

  • no its not any wonder. I too suffer pain and it can be very debilitating. Also November is a dark and dreary month, damp and coldero your arthritis may feel worse

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