feelin miserable as sin

drank way too much last 24hrs. head buzzin with so many memories. not sure if talkin bout my son was such a good idea. so many peripheal memories dragged in. Jim bein buried with him 14 months later n the funeral director sayin that Jacob had been buried wrong so he wudnt b disturbed wen they reopned his grave. the hole was so deep. i remember wandering if it was so i'd fit too. then about 9 months after that bein told by the lady in the garage i needed to go check the grave, it had bin disturbed. i'd bin away for a week, litter pickin at glastonbury. there was a hole anglin down towards Jacobs restin place. for some reason, he wasnt buried very deeply, i think thats why Jims grave looked so deep. i swear i cud see his coffin. the cemetery keeper was sceptical wen i rang n told him it looked vandalised, but he had a different manner wen he rang back. i knew he wasnt sure it was an animal.

i'm sorry. mite just delete this. funny, wen i'm drunk n look a total tit, i dont mind goin on fb n showin myself up. yes i cringe the next day, but i leave it up there, hopin the shame will make me stop. its certainly cut rite down. but goin on there n talkin like this wud b a far bigger humiliation.

forgive me, gotta post this. i need help :'(

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4 Replies

  • Ah I feel for you. Your grieving, but try and think of it like this, the body dies

    But the spirit of your little baby and husband will always live deep in

    Your heart.

    Drink is a depressant so I would avoid drinking too much Phoeinix . Please

    Know your not alone and look after yourself. I lost my late Partner who was also

    Called Jim. He was living in Spain and I was in Ireland . It was so painful, I miss

    Him and not a day goes past that I don't think of him. I thought I would die with

    The grief.

    Big hug

    Hannah x

  • i kno, i find it so hard to live. i've retreated so much from life. i tried, held down demandin jobs etc then broke down. started to recover then my eldest had his accident. that bought on an amazin amount of challenges n we all met them, n met them well. he is amazin n i came so close to turnin off his machine, but Jim was with me so strongly n i kno he saved his son, n i kno he filled me with faith. in the lift at the icu someone had written Jim is God, i was in deep shock wen i first saw that. my sons accident happened at 2.55am i found out at 5am, we got to cardiff at 8.30, i'd travelled with him n had just seen him rushed into theatre n a nurse was takin me down for a cigarette wen i looked up n saw that. can u imagine my relief? n in moments of darkness i wud get in that lift n look at that sign n it gave me hope

    Big hug to u 2 Hannah

    Thank you, rememberin that beam of light has lifted me

  • As Hannah says alcohol is a depressant - gives you a buzz to start off with because it surpresses all the inhibitions we have - which is why people do crazy things - and fits with what you are saying - but it will make the feelings of sadness etc worse so best to avoid it.

    Glad Hannah was able to share with you and spark a better memory.

  • Hello BOB here

    Death of those we love is a very bad time for all of us, anger, flustration and sorrow all mix up together.

    Sorry you had the problems with the grave, I hope they had the understand your feelings and put things right for you, people are so insensitive, they only think of their own and not of those who hurt.

    We always over do it when depressed, although drink will just dampen the pain, we still not settle you.

    Take time to grieve, remember you will soon be ok

    All the best