Being held back.

[emzylou]

I hope this doesn't sound selfish to some people but I have a dilemma.

I am doing c25k with a friend who has done marathons etc in the past. Anyway she is starting over with her running so is just a novice like me.

We seem to have the same pace going and have similar running techniques but just lately now the runs are getting longer (w6) I am wanting or needing to go quicker, or perhaps not finding it as hard as she is. We went out last night and found it too easy (I like to push myself) I kept inching ahead hoping it would pull her along a bit.

We discussed our 25 min run that we would be doing on Friday and she said 'there's bound to be a time where one of us will need to stop and walk' which I totally agree, there may be, but I would like to avoid it if possible. So I asked what her take would be on walking and she said that we should both stop as she wouldn't like it if I carried on running. This bothered me. If I can carry on I want to carry on, not stop because someone else needs to. This sounds really bad but I feel it would be holding me back in my training.

I do enjoy having someone to run with and she is also a friend so don't want to cause any upset.

Does anyone have experience or advice?

[Hidden]

I do races with a friend who is faster than me, and after trying to run the first race together we agreed that we would do the races separately. If you dont mention your wishes you will only end up resenting your running partner. She has stated her wishes (i.e. joint running) so you have every reason to state yours (running at your pace). It can be done diplomatically.

[CarolineLou71 Graduate]

This is really interesting and being new to the running scene, helpful to hear tips on etiquette. I worry about holding back my running partner as I need to keep my BP down and both of us find it easy to lose our stride / breathing rhythm when we have to stop (eg poo picking after the dog!!). I wonder if it gets easier with more experience to adapt to someone else's needs?

[Minuette Graduate]

I don't think you're being selfish at all, but I do think you need to speak to her. My husband often runs with me (he's done marathons, can run for an hour without hardly breaking a sweat etc) but what he does is runs off at his own pace (I often see him way way ahead in the distance!) and then we have an agreed meeting place.

Initially he ran with me, but he realised that this wasn't good for his own running technique as I am so slow, and I am far happier that he goes off and does his own thing while I do mine. We are still in the same vicinity obviously, usually a park, or round a lake, so can still find each other.

I think physically she may hold you back and that's not good for you as a new runner, so I think you should have an honest chat with her. Difficult I know!

[Rose885 Graduate]

Oh this is a tricky one! I'm the same as you I'd feel a bit annoyed if I had to stop running if I felt I was in my stride and doing well. Maybe you could suggest that you guys only do one day a week together instead of all 3? I know this might upset her but you should probably just be honest or you'll end up resenting her which isn't healthy in a friendship.

I've ran a few races with my mum and sis-in-law who are much faster than me so usually when it comes to the start line we just all go at our own pace and meet again at the finish line. I don't mind running alone and I would hate to feel like I was holding them back.

[Greg_M Graduate]

There is an interesting article about this in one of the running magazines this month by coincidence.

Their argument boiled down to - don't have a running partner unless you are of similar ability and wanting the same thing otherwise one or both of you will be unsatisfied.

Never had the trouble myself being an antisocial solo runner.

[emzylou Graduate]

Thanks for all your comments. I think I am going to have to have a chat with her and tell her my concerns. Some good ideas suggested though like doing some runs on my own. Thanks everyone.

[sfb350 Graduate]

I don't really think your friend should be expecting you to stop to walk with her. Personally, if I was running with someone, my main concern would be not wanting to hold them back and I would want to encourage them to keep going. If you agree on your route in advance, then perhaps once you complete your 25 minutes of running you could turn round and do your cool-down walk back to meet her and encourage her ? You'd end up doing a longer walk but it might be a nice compromise. It does sound as if you need to do some runs on your own too though. Good luck, I'm sure you'll find a diplomatic way to sort it out. Perhaps get her to read this blog ?!? Maybe not.......

[emzylou Graduate in reply to sfb350]

Ha ha!

[icandothis Graduate]

I run with icandothistoo and she is faster than me.

Even though we start together i always end up running behind her, but that does not matter as it is better for me to run at a pace that suits me then to try and keep up with her.

This way we are both achieving and one day i may just get faster and run along side her.

Speak to her i would hate to hold my friend back.