Hello all! Sorry for the silence. I could give you lots of excuses about life getting in the way, work, etc;, but I'd be lying. The baseline is that I'd lost my Mojo at the wrong time, and didn't want to come here and feel even less self-confident, or hypocritical about advising others on motivation when Gary the gremlin had taken mine hostage and stuffed it down the back of his settee with his empty crisp packets. Voilà.
For those who don't know, I signed up for my first HM six months ago, and have been training since then to achieve my goal. It is important to me, as it is to raise money for an association that made a huge difference for people I love at a very difficult time.
I haven't done all the runs on my programme, but I did pretty well and had built up to a 17.5k run. Then my progress was considerably hampered by a lung infection that cut down my running, and had me back to spluttering 5ks in walk-run intervals just a few weeks ago.
When you're used to going out there to run and dream as your feet get on with it, and suddenly your body tells you it's not going to happen, the resident gremlin steps up to the challenge.
Gary never refuses any opportunity to strut his stuff. Jubilantly trotting along beside me with his gut flopping and his grainy grey underpants riding up his bum, he crooned "See? TOLD you were an imposter. TOLD you you weren't a real runner. Even I can run faster than you today. Guess you'll have to walk then". So I did.
But then I ran again. Gary rolled his eyes. 'Off she goes again. Just sign up for the 10k, everyone will understand. Looooser. But then again, you know you've alway been one, right? Pretending that you're a runner all this time. Who are you kidding? Can't even fool yourself." I walked, yelling at Gary. Then ran. Then got overtaken by a romantic couple of retirees. And walked again. Gary loved that. I negative-talked myself practically into tears. The cherry on the cake was to get home and be told that I had not met my challenge and that I would never be ready in time.
I had two choices: seize up, or keep going. Time was ticking, and the HM would roll over the horizon anyway. So I stuck at it, kept going out, kept interval training, and gagged Gary for long as I could. The only way was forward with so little time left to train. I used the time to think things out, and on one of those walk/runs, it suddenly hit me: self-sabotage was killing my dream. The fear of failing was so strong that without realising, I had listened to that little voice that tells me not to take the risk of trying to succeed in case I fail. No attempt, no failure. I was setting myself up for failure, just to succeed in proving that I was a failure. Sounds twisted, but once I had understood that, it was a result on which I could build. I could either spend my life treading water, or I could take risks and maybe fail, but maybe succeed. Which was better?
Fast forward to yesterday, when I went out for a 9km run, and for the first time in a long time I finally found myself dreaming as I ran, grinning, and enjoying myself. I'm looking forward to my run on Sunday. I'm proud to be doing it for a good cause. Whatever my speed, whatever my time, it's a half marathon - more than I had ever imagined I could have run when I started C25K two and a half years ago. I'm happy to have found my mojo again, just in time for Sunday's run.
Lesson learnt: "Make sure that your worst enemy doesn't live between your own two ears". (Laird Hamilton).
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mfamilias
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Woohoo, mojo recovered, phew. That Gary, he is a right one isn't he. Glad you managed to kick him into touch. Have a great day on Sunday I am sure you will love it and have a great time. Looking forward to reading the write up.
Rfc x.
Ps. Do you want me to lock Gary up for the day so he can't get out. 😉.
Gary had a field day, he was running riot - even outside of my runs, which is very rare. I fly up on Friday, so I'll try to forget him at the airport. He's a clever bugger though. I'll be running with Mrs Playmo, my partner in crime, so with a bit of luck she'll clock Gary over the head with her bottle of rosé if he starts.
If I do it later, I'll miss the event... It starts at 10 am, half-way around the marathon route. The marathoners start off earlier, then the HM people join them for the second half of the course.
You DO have your mojo back by the sound of it, and maybe Gary was just helping you taper?😉
We know you will dig deep and do your best, and hopefully have an enjoyable experience too. Whatever happens you are not failing in anyone's eyes...you are flying girl😄xx
Thank you! Gary is already trying to sabotage proceedings by convincing Helga (my ageing VW Beetle) to break down so that I can't get to the airport. We will not be daunted.
Grot box. LIKE. I will watch out for posts. I am curious, and Gary is preparing his phonebook for possible TV interviews resulting from his fame. I will report back about the run on Sunday night, if i'm still standing (yeah, yeah, yeah....
You're amazing for getting out there and doing it...whatever the outcome... But I'm sure the outcome will be what you really want it to be....reach out for the stars... and that finishing line! 👍💐🏃🏃🏃🏃
That you, MotherPip (I like that name). I will be reaching for the stars - I'm running it in memory of a beautiful star that went up there to shine at the age of eleven. I hope to do him proud.
What a fabulous post!! Such a familiar story to me. I am currently laughing in Gary's grotty little face "ha! You thought you were ruining her dream but actually you made her stronger than ever!! Take that you losing little gremlin! You're beaten!". Let's give him a wedgie for good measure so while he's trying to extricate his underwear you're free to enjoy your run on Sunday. Have a great run. All the best 👍😁
Gary is the wedgie king. He thinks it makes him look sexy (he's too tight to buy himself the leopard-print g-string he spotted on e-bay). I'm hoping the weather won't be too hot - the heat in France is scary at the moment, and Calculus (my hubby) is already fretting about me running in the sun with no shade at the hottest point of the day...
You ARE a Runner! And more importantly you are a really NICE AND GOOD person who adds so much to these Forums.
So - here's whats going to happen. Every time you run you will have your own Minder - that's me - who will introduce Gary - that's the dead man trying to run with you - to the joys of non verbal behaviour modifying language - that's what one Director wrote over a report when he crossed out my ' judicious application of ultra-violence'
And even IF - ha ha as if - Gary is too much for me, there are hundreds of other members here who will show Gary he is NOT what he - or you - thought he was.
But - you may not need us after all, because you ARE a Runner just in case you need to be reminded of that. Now that you have been - don't forget it
Won't wish you 'many happy miles' 'cos I KNOW you will have many happy miles. 'Gary' is just a fleeting cloud in the clear blue sky that is the default setting in the mind of a Runner
John, you're a diamond. I will get that tattooed upside down on my thigh so I can read it while I'm running. Gary is still sulking - i'll be writing up my report tonight, just got back (the HM was 800 km away from here and also involved shameless imbibing in food and beer, much to Gary's disgust - he hates it when I have fun AND succeed).
Get it in tiny writing though - currently I am looking at a $195 bill to remove a 1" by 1/32" blue line from my arm.
Whole darn thing covered my forearm before an encounter with razor wire years ago and subsequent to that a Plastic Surgeons unfortunately not plastic but very sharp metal scalpel. I'm glad I don't have to pay for all THAT though - five quid to get the thing on back in '80, 59 times that plus inflation to get the tiniest bit left burned off in '17.
Loved your post - I will now name my gremlins - I think that's the way to make bashing them in the face easier... make it personal, haha! I think your head's in the right place at possibly just the right time. Very good luck for your HM, go smash it! We are ALL right behind you!!! 😉
Thank you Val! Sorry I'm so late replying, I forgot my magic login whatnots, and Gary wasn't going to help me find them. I was inspired by you all, particularly over the last few kms. This forum is epic, and it's the thing that kept me believing enough to sign up for... and finish... a HM. Wow. Still grinning!
PS. "put a name on your fear" was a piece of advice I was given by a friend a very long time ago. I don't think she thought I'd call them all Gary, but it works. Turn them into little gremlins with names, and kick their little butts over the horizon
Great idea 💡 think I'll call mine Horace. It encompasses horrible and horror but also time (hora) which is often the answer to many of life's conundrums x
Oh wow, well done you. A HM!!!! What a fantastic achievement. I can just about manage 5k so a HM is a little way off for me. What an inspiration your are - to think I might one day reach those dizzy heights. Not surprised you are still grinning. Huge congrats 🏃
Thank you! You will make it as far as you wish to go, as long as you get to know your gremlin inside out and back to front. If I can make it through a half marathon, so will you. We started the same way.
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I shall tuck your best wishes in the 'positive things' compartment in my brain - I'll pull them out along the way for inspiration 
I'm on it, just hoping the weather won't be too hot in the vineyards on Sunday...
24 hours until my first HM.
Week 6 Run 1 🏃♀️😊 
The curse of week 6, at least for me...
Today was a very special day
