Hello all, I'd like your guidance in my diet concerns. I'm almost months after losing my husband to AML. My concern is that I just have zero motivation to cook or eat anything remotely healthy. Where we used to eat relatively balanced meals, I fall so short in eating anything that resembles a vegetable. My GP recommended I reduce carbs and sugars( basically a low carb diet) due to my A1C hovering in the "pre-diabetes" range. I've gone back to taking a multi- vitamin for women over 50 since I feel I'm really falling short. I know the general consensus here is that vitamins are iffy at best.
So my question is, how do I counteract the stress and grief that lives with me now and my awful eating, so that it doesn't radically affect my CLL. Everything I read here says to "reduce" stress, have a positive outlook, so what happens when I just can't achieve that?
In your experience and opinion, please tell me what damage is being done by grief, stress and lack of motivation to eat anything remotely healthy ( unless you count the pickles and onions in a small McDonald's hamburger 🫣)??
Debbie
Written by
Hilomom
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Sorry to read this, Debbie. You are going through a big life change. Maybe try to keep carrots, celery, radishes…something like this, on hand, as well as some cut-up fruit? Maybe, with time, you will change your diet. We make a lot of soups in the winter, even here. Take care. With much aloha, always, Suzanne
Avocado (cut in half,eat out of rind with spoon), olives, hummus with celery sticks & prewashed baby carrots. Pre-washed salad greens, pre cut fruit. Make it as easy as possible right now. Another one I use, frozen wild berries/other frozen fruit mixed in yoghurt, it's s my ersatz ice cream.....so sorry to hear you are still having it so rough.
Please try not to stress too much, you are doing the best you can. At least you ARE eating.
I keep a number of low sodium canned soups on hand. Even if I am feeling nauseous, half a can is not too difficult. It's really easy to heat up half a can for lunch, finish it at dinner. I buy large bags of frozen veggies. No washing, can just microwave some in a bowl. If you like cheese, get pre shredded bags or grated Parmesan, put some on top. Olive oil on veggies tastes almost as good as butter; easy to splash a bit from the bottle on the counter, instead of "remove butter from fridge, get a knife, cut butter, replace in fridge." And it's healthier.
Many docs recommend a daily MVI. The American Medical Association does.
Sorry to here you lost your husband, I know what you are going through,it's the worst time in your life,lost my wife last September and still struggling, cooking for one is very hard, iam not really into diets,just hope you get sorted at such a bad time.Take Care.
Well that was interesting SofiaDeo. Wester Drug is in my town. I'll have to look closer at the multi vitamins they carry as I've been using Centrum which looks like a waste of money. Also, this article was 2015, I wonder if this list has changed.
If the burger makes you happy, have the burger - even every day if you need to do so...but skip the fries and soda. Get apple slices for the side (assuming McD's - get mandarin oranges if it's another outlet). If possible, add lettuce, tomato, and/or extra pickles and onions to the burger. Then work on eating better the other 2 meals of the day.
Going without in a time of grief is just not a good idea. But really enjoy that treat when you have it. Don't just eat it b/c you don't feel like ordering the salad - eat it b/c you really want it and it makes you happy, even if for a few minutes. Eventually, you'll probably tire of it, and your taste buds may even crave lighter and fresher as you want to re-experience the newness in every day of life. And when that happens, get back on the good food track in full...
PS - And definitely take the vitamin and don't stress about that, either. You know you aren't eating 100% perfectly, and whether it's b/c someone can't or won't, that is the point of vitamins - still making sure to cover "the basic necessities" that diet normally does.
PPS - And if it's a lack of energy and will to eat, you may want to consider the Daily Harvest deliveries in the short term - designed to be healthy and zero work or effort. Not the cheapest option, but as a party of 1, the price is okay for the health trade off. These are tasty and will put you on a healthy eating track with no effort on your part...daily-harvest.com/collectio...
I really believe that grief therapy is valuable. We don't all recover at the same pace. Having a professional to work with regularly helps keep you mentally focused on getting through it all, and provides occasional objective and subjective insights without the weight and complexity of family relationships. Without that professional, some of us develop mal-adaptive behaviors.
It sounds like you're beating yourself up for your own grief - anticipating a worse CLL outcome due to it. I'm sure the grief has an effect, but the extent is hard to measure. You can't just look at your ALC and say, "See what I did to myself!" I think it's better to find the missing joys of life. New exploration. Art. Music. Journalling. Writing stories or poems. Make some ugly art, some goofy sounds, some ridiculous poems to get started.
I know exactly how you feel. Lost my hubby 2 years ago to cancer. 3 weeks from dx & gone. I am not motivated to eat healthy, so I don't. Diet in general does not effect CLL. You are borderline diabetic so try moderation. My husband ate healthier, lost weight & exercised more the previous year he died. So my grief is, what's the point in worrying about my diet. Not saying you should follow my choices but please don't put too much pressure on yourself. Make small changes. It's actually his BD today. I am going to eat chocolate- his favorite.
I laughed when u mentioned McD & pickles. When I eat a whopper or at McD, I ask for no pickles. I keep the lettuce & tomato- progress! Be good to yourself. Hugs
Thank you...I was just so afraid my constant sadness was going to affect my CLL. I'm doing my best to be gentle with myself and I have been talking to a grief counselor and also a woman who lost her husband just a couple of months before me. We seem to have so much in common and talking and sharing with her has given me hope for that brighter day.
hello, lots of good comments here so don't know if this will add much but a dear friend of mine lost her husband and joined a bereavement group......it was online, but she and several of the widows continue to socialize together now and it seems to have helped her a lot. Sending you all the best wishes and I don't think you should feel bad about the burger.....I think you are getting a lot of nutrition there....protein for starters....sending a virtual hug. Easy is good. I liked a number of SofiaDeo's ideas. If you have a type of yogurt you like, keep a number of those in individual portions on hand.....good luck.
I have a few friends who lost their husbands. We spent time together. It helps. I was numb the first year. All the paperwork & calls to make to companies. I hated having to notify each doctor to change my emergency contact & signing cards with just my name. But I have to say, it's a bit easier in the second year. The knot in my stomach disappeared & there have been some better days. It's a process. Trying new things can be a distraction but not major things like diets etc. They say don't make any major decisions the first year. It's so true!
I am very sorry for your loss. I think you are looking at this the wrong way round. I would suggest you look at how you can handle your grief and stress first, because that is the root cause. I would recommend some grief counselling. Also something that helped me is thinking what would the person who has died want you to do.
Hi DebbieBe gentle with the "shoulds" now. You are going through enough, so let yourself eat your burgers. You could also try Amy's veggie soups and throw in some frozen mukimame (edamame out of the shell) . It has lots of protein. It is a quick meal and not too far off the Mediterranean diet I was told was best for CLL. Any one else have a different diet prescribed?
just aim for basic ‘cooking’. The Atkins diet is effectively meat or fish with vegetables on the side. Bake a chicken - it will last a few days or a chicken breast. Serve with salad or green veg (broccoli, spinach). Fry a steak, with ditto. Soup is a great idea- make a pot with lentils batch cook and you can freeze. Worse case tins or cartons from supermarket. Carrots for crudités and dips. Sweet potato baked. Batch cook a pasta sauce with blended vegetables then freeze.
Eat out less but eat out better. Lunchtimes are usually cheaper- have a main meal then just a salad in the evening- prepped salad with eggs/tuna/avocado/ham. Choose the herby or spinach type salad mixes, there is nothing nutritional in a std salad leaf of note.
Consider a home delivery service for better options prepped meals. Some go in the freezer. Join a farm box scheme - once they are in the fridge it may motivate you. Try to be flexitarian- a few vegetarian meals a week is a boost. Saturated fat reduction is probably the worst impact of the burgers rather than the lack of veg.
Are there cooking classes you can join- part motivation part social?
I had a similar warning shot over prediabetes and cholesterol last year so also gave up the vino (sugar). Bread is (was) also my downfall so I only eat a sandwich if travelling.
Hi Debbie..so sorry for your loss and I hope you have enough support.I have CLL with fatigue as main feature and have lost 2 stone as have little interest in food. However one thing which has helped me is a soup maker. I don't bother about recipes..just cut up all the veg in my fridge for a soup which lasts me several days. I find I quite like the mindless chopping of veg,leaving all skins on,
an listening to radio or music. I just drink my soup in a mug with bread but know,at least I am getting good nutrition. You can chuck in a handful of lentils for protein too and adding some cream. I do hope you can talk to people about your husband and your grief...it helped me more than anything else.
There are no rules about how we process grief,as many of us have had to cope in our own way. No way is wrong, if it feels right to you, then it is right. Have you investigated if there are local support groups of others who have lost partners? I have found talking to group members very helpful,as you realise they have often experienced the same thoughts or feelings (as you have found with one person). If not local there may be an online group,as there is in the UK.
I really relate to how you're feeling. I lost my husband two years ago this February (also to AML) and struggled to eat and cook decent meals for myself (there didn't seem to be much point anymore). Lost weight and ended up in A&E with extreme lightheadedness and tachycardia exactly six months after he died. That was a bit of a turning point for me. I bought a Tefal soup maker and started making filling and nutritious soups (just chuck everything in and it does the work). I wouldn't be without my soup maker now. Also bought ready meals like veg lasagne. I found the first year really hard, but I can see the difference in how I cope with things two years on. Like you I have a friend who lost her husband a few months before mine and our support of each other is invaluable. I also worried about how the stress and grief would affect my CLL but it has remained stable.
I feel so sad for you. My husband cooks and I have no motivation. I dont want to cook or wash up. I know I am lucky he looks after me.You have had some really good suggestions. I would buy foods with no preparation. Salmon, pre prepared roasting veg, a baked potato. Put in oven and no mess.
It will take time. You wont stop missing your husband but you will learn to cope. Dont feel guilty about things. Find a way to eat thats easy and have a burger if you want to.
I'm so sorry for your loss, especially since my husband is my rock during my newest and possibly worse issue. Have a massive embolism in my lung that after three hours on the table would not budge at all. With my CLL my. AML my TPLL treatment constantly being interrupted and any kind of healthy diet of fruits and veggies cut off because of ostomy. HOWEVER. I fight with the hospital for my banana, for my purreed carrots. I look at food and see what I can eat out of it. Soup- at first I cried cos I couldn't have soup. Now I know some chicken, some rice some pasta or potatoes and then canned or highly steamed carrots should be edible. I always start at small portions and if it works with my body then it is good. But you won't know till you try. We all fight , win some lose some enormous battles of love and life. Loss comes in many ways. As I started with in the beginning, to lose my husband now when so much else is lost to me would be devastating, but there comes a time when that beautiful brain of ours begins thinking again , and comes to create again and little by little we become as whole again as we can be again. I wish you peace and love again in your life 🥰
There was an interesting article in the NY Times recently which I have gift linked below and I hope it will work for an who want to read it. It's part of a series of easy steps to eat better. This article suggests not changing what you are eating but adding a fruit or veggie to your plate at each meal. I like to cook but when I can't face it my go to easy choices are bananas, berries, bagged spinach (microwaved it's just a few bites), broccoli (microwaved with a little melted cheese on it if I'm in the mood), raw baby carrots, and bagged salad mix.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you grief fades over time. My Uncle was diagnosed with Alzheimers and then placed in a VA Hospital where he died during the height of COVID . My Aunt met some women in the same boat and they get together for dinner once a month. It has really helped her. Perhaps you can find a support group like this?
I would agree that you need some help to deal with your grief first. I don't know what your health insurance covers, but would recommend you see a dietitian/nutritionist for some advice as to how you can make some small changes in your diet to help you feel physically better. There is no "one size fits all" approach to this, especially for CLL patients.
I joined this group because it is more active than the Multiple Myeloma group. The diseases are similar. Last year was stem cell transplant with chemo before and after. Still on chemo. All through chemo food was the enemy. I lost 27#. But, for some reason I could always eat a Culver's butter burger. The MM attacked my kidneys so I have to keep an eye on sodium, but love getting a butter burger with everything on it. I was a potato junkie all of my life, since chemo can't tolerate potatoes so French fries are out. But I do enjoy that butter burger. Search out different foods, and find what you enjoy. At this point I don't focus too much on fruits and veggies. I just try to eat different stuff, a well scrubbed sliced apple with breakfast one morning, and a sliced banana the next. I am still in recovery from stem cell so need to be careful with raw fruit,
I remember back when I was single, many years ago. Dinner would often be a microwaved bag of corn and peas. Lunch was always a big meal. I would eat lunch out a lot, the Spaghetti House was a favorite, with a big plate of spaghetti with a ton of salad. I would love a salad, but it is still taboo right now as my IGG part of immune system is low. My kidneys are bad, but my A1C is spot on perfect. Probably genetics, and partly because I can't eat sweet stuff. Since chemo started anything with too much sugar makes me ill.
I am so sorry for your loss, We have a good friend and neighbor who lost her husband with AML last spring. It happened very fast. The doctor said he had had it a long time by the time he was diagnosed. His widow has a good support system, especially her daughter.
I can't fathom what that type of loss would mean to me. It is just the two of us, no kids. No family members. While I was recovering from stem cell (last August) hubby developed signs of a severe stroke I was terrified wondering how I would care for him in the shape I was in. For 3 weeks there was personality loss, paralysis, incontinence. Ended up being a very large subdural brain bleed, He had surgery and is fine now. He had follow up CT scan last week and his doctor told him he was "Truly Blessed" . The ending could have been very bad.
So, I deeply feel what you are going through now. Plus, it works both ways. One of the main reasons I want to live, and am fighting so hard is because I don't want to go away and leave him all alone,
Thank you. I was just worried that my CLL might be triggered to speed up. I know I have much to be thankful for..as heavy as the grief is, I was so blessed to have had him as my husband and children's father.
Hi Hilomom,Eating in general has been an uphill fight for a few years now. I've always enjoyed food but not anymore. It seems to depend on the day for some reason.
My Mom was like this in her 60's and she decided she was done cooking! She was such a great cook too. I get it now unfortunately. Like everything, some days are better than others. Best of luck, hang in there.❤️
I followed your ordeal when you were posting, and it was heart-rending. Along with the others who've posted already, you have my deepest sympathy. I think there are some good ideas in the posts, I might use one of the boxed meal kit services too, depending on what's available where you live. But what I really think is not to condemn yourself for the grief or the diet. They say we should avoid stress, and intuitively we know this. But we nevertheless go through stressful times, usually they are beyond our control. I do not recall any real study that quantified how bad stress or a poor diet might affect our CLL, it's not possible really to do. Let yourself grieve, keep getting support from your counselor and from people who can understand, and eat what you can, take the vitamins too. We can't cure ourselves with diet, so if you're doing your best, don't expect more of yourself than that. Your awareness of your health and diet means to me that you will gradually reach some equilibrium.
Thank you..I really appreciate everything everyone has posted. I was just really concerned that the strain and stress of my grief would/could affect my CLL, push it into overdrive, if you get my meaning. I know I have much to be thankful for, even the grief, because it wouldn't be here with me if I'd not had love.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have family and close friend's support.
I can only imagine how difficult it is to cook for one. I'd suggest making a big pot of vegetable soup and freezing in portions. Same for fruit smoothies. Try small frequent meals, relish every mouthful. Enjoy your Mc Donalds now and then, but most of all be kind to yourself.
I'm not keen on prewashed salads and fruit. I always wash, but that's because you don't know how they were washed, ie maybe contaminated water?
Your situation is heartbreaking. If you were not grieving and feeling listless and deeply sad, and desiring of comfort food, then you should be worried. If your marriage had love in it, of course you are at a very low point. Grief will not be shortchanged.
I think from personal experience that the healthiest possible thing you can do is to give yourself grace, and be as kind and understanding with yourself as you can. This would not be a moment to be self-critical about eating habits. Of course it's great if sometimes you can feel food comfort from a few healthy snacks (guacamole for me, for example), but give yourself lots of time. In time you'll get your balance back.
I also have found no substitute for therapy and dear friends with lots of patience. Grief groups can also be so healing. There's nothing better than understanding company on the rough journeys.
Hilomom, we've not interacted before although I have been following your posts and updates. Sorry feels such an inadequate word with all you've been through are still dealing with. I can only double like the posts from MisfitK & Seymour, and other practical suggestions.
My story isn't the same as yours, but I've been intimate with grief & loss. I discovered a book:
IT'S OK THAT YOU'RE NOT OK - Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand. By Megan Devine. She also has a website refugeingrief.com and a podcast if you prefer bite sized information. My concentration was totally shot and small digestible reminders I wasn't alone or loosing my mind did help.
It was my permission slip to admit I wasn't OK and understand grief in a way that was much closer to how it felt to me. It was loud and messy at times, still can be & definitely not a linear process that you get over in 3 months or so. I came to recognise when my grief made others uncomfortable & I was expected to neatly package it up so they didn't have to. That's when I turned it inward and beat myself up. 🤦 unlearning is hard.
It appears you are already practising self care, and doing what you can, when you can, guilt free plays a part, even if we can't see ourselves.
Stay kind and gentle with you. Virtual hugs & empathetic thoughts.
I agree with you & the general consensus, I also haven't found any credible evidence to support that it would. I am sorry if I spoke out of turn or said too much, instead of focusing only on your question. Best wishes.
At the risk of being chastised by others, my thoughts are eat what you wish. My approach has been that my body has been through enough so I don’t drive myself crazy worrying about diet (within reason). Allow yourself to enjoy the simple pleasures of eating and work on the mental aspects of life as you certainly have had plenty to deal with. Have a good evening, Randy.
I lost my wife almost 3 years ago — and frankly find it hard to “give a damn” about many things. My wife and I were together for 34 years. I tried looking through your post history, but if you are living alone now, it is a very difficult thing to do.
I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s hard to care about doing things as you should. I can’t say I take care of myself at all — so when you figure out how — please let me know.
I know that taking care of yourself is hard to do when you’re feeling down. I just wanted to say that I’m still struggling with it. I feed my dogs better than I feed myself.
Hopefully at some point you will try enough to care. It’s hard, very hard. The stress of life change is overwhelming. I can’t say much that hasn’t been said — but hope you will find a way to “re-adjust” to life, etc.
My heartfelt condolences to you — and you sound like you will eventually find a way forward.
Last week my brother was found deceased in his apartment. I am on automatic pilot right now with all the legal stuff as administrator and shock. I am so preoccupied that I found the fast food joints, like Wendys and Culvers, have salad bowls with veg & protein that taste good and are available everywhere I need to go. It is working well for me right now. And exercise really helps me focus and prioritize. I have to shovel snow most days to get out of the driveway so that's forcing the exercise issue. I hope with all the suggestions from everyone here that you find some that help. Best to you.
Hi Hilomom, I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. Eating for one or when you have little motivation/hunger/energy can be tricky. To get more veggies into my diet I recently bought a soup maker, yes I could make it in a saucepan or pressure cooker but with the soup maker I just chop up the veg and throw it in with some stock. 30 minutes later I have a delicious smooth soup 😋 Much easier! 🤗
The easiest I’ve found is to order ready chopped veggies and whole button mushrooms and throw these in the oven with a light spray of oil. I then add them to ready washed lettuce for a salad. Add to pasta and blend for soup. Add sauce for a hot dish or add to a sandwich. I feel like I am taking care of myself. With time when you feel up to it you can chop a few extra veggies that might not be prepared. Really hope this helps.
I, too, am so sorry for your lost. My husband passed away from colon cancer a little over two years ago when I was still in the wait and watch period. Grief is exhausting. CLL can cause fatigue as well. I also had a terrible time cooking those first few months after Mark died. I wished someone would drop a meal off on my doorstep (without talking to me). I have to admit, I did go through the Taco Bell drive thru after ordering a cravings box multiple times. I could get two or three meals out of that…and it had beans, lettuce and tomato.! Boom!
Things will get easier. Like others have said, a support group might help. I attended GriefShare, a 13 week nondenominational program and through it I met several other widows who are now good friends.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Cholesterol and CLL
CLL Glandular Fever - Diet -M.E known as chronic fatigue 
CLL Diet
polymyalgia rheumatica (pmr) and CLL?
