Thinking about cancer - or not

[Mokoia]

I joined this wonderful community a couple of years ago when my blood results indicated something was amiss and I suspected CLL. My CLL was only confirmed a few months ago when I had a mole removed and found I also had stage 3 melanoma. Thanks to the knowledge gained from this community I requested FISH, Tp53 and IGHV tests. The results only came through on Sunday and they were good. Not TP53 mutated and IGHV mutated. All things cancer were weighing heavily on me for the last three months. With completion of my melanoma surgery and a positive prognosis for the CLL I have decided to unsubscribe from the email digests so that I am no longer thinking about cancer every day/week. I will continue to have 4 monthly tests for melanoma and six monthly bloods for CLL but outside these regular consultations I plan on returning to a cancer free mindset. I kept gravitating to worse case scenarios and dark thoughts. I am only 60 and was already grieving a shorter lifespan. The knowledge gained from this community has helped enormously but I feel for me I need to put cancer in the rear view mirror and look forward with hope and optimism again. Take care and best wishes to you all.

[EmilyLondon]

I am glad the information here has been useful. I also took a break after diagnosis. Do read the post on vaccinations. Getting up to date with vaccinations at this early stage is important.

[Dragonfly2007]

Take care Mokoia, completely understand the need to step away 🤗

[Newdawn Administrator]

Totally understand and respect your position Mokoia. We each have to do what gets us through during all stages of this journey. Hope yours is uneventful going forward but if you ever feel the need to call back here, you’ll be very welcome.

Best wishes,

Newdawn

[Smakwater in reply to Newdawn]

When I grow up, I want to be like "Newdawn". You are a Jewel.

If you are still listening. Love You too always Mokoia,

JM

[Newdawn Administrator in reply to Smakwater]

Aww what a lovely sentiment Smakwater. Thankyou 😊

Newdawn

[Skyshark]

Likely the sanest thing to do, the rest of us are head cases. Doctors tell me to let them worry about it. With 12 month follow ups it says they aren't worried at all about you.

When the follow ups are monthly it just means they are getting ready for treatment and for first line that's nothing to worry about either.

[Spark_Plug in reply to Skyshark]

We are head cases in a way. I find if I can keep the information engine churning loud enough it keeps the emotions pretty subdued.

I also think it's a way of keeping the illusion of control, which mitigates fear. How many times have we heard that flying is so much safer than driving a car, however, it's the results of a crash that weigh on our minds. Even though a plane may crash less often more people are aboard, and there is someone else with your life in their hands 99.9%(not a fact) of the time. How many of us have had car wrecks or near accidents that are still walking around the perception is we had some control in the outcome. Reality is 85% perception(again, not a fact).

Those that can walk away for a while are saner, but my efforts staying sane have driven me mad. 🙂

[Kiwidi]

I really admire your decision. As Spark_Plug said those of us who spend a lot of time thinking about and researching this damned disease are ‘head cases in a way’ I have resolved to pull back on my obsession with it probably due to an indiscretion on my part within the advocacy group in which I was a very active trustee. I have resigned from that and am actually feeling ok about it as I can direct my energy into other more worthwhile things that are not so ‘self-involved. I will stay on this page though as I really do value the knowledge and advice so liberally ‘dished out’ I will just try not to visit so often, maybe?

Kia kaha. D

[skipro]

I wish you all the best and understand how you feel! I've been there many times myself.

Good luck and God bless

Skipro

[Gradyboy]

I also had to step away. I don't want to dwell on the what if's. I look in about once a month. It is an awesome group and full of knowledge. But I'm currently in remission and just want to live a normal life and hopefully, God willing, a long life. Enjoy being well and know this group is always here if you should ever need advice or encouragement.

[Adlucy]

All the best Mokoia. Respect your decision.