Depression-- I am half way through my V&ORegime. It has been unfortunately rough.
My biggest fear is the depression I am falling into. I have good Doctors and psychological
support, I just need to share; and someone to tell me it will pass and I will come through this dark tunnel. I am no stranger to depression
which I consider worse than cancer. When at the bottom, I can only look up, right?
Thank you for your kind words, yes it is easy to lose ones bearings. It is being like be lost, but slowly finding your way back to Grace and Peace.
I agree with your statement that D is worse than cancer. I have been there. The D was making me sicker than the CLL. I lost ten pounds within weeks and my stomach churned constantly. Without hope, I felt all was lost. I got professional help and thank God it was successful. I have wonderful family and friends who keep me going and reminding me that life is for the living and every day holds an adventure. When a lifetime friend who was a healthy high school baseball coach went to work one morning and passed away that afternoon from a heart attack, it hit me that we have never been in complete control of our lives. I thought I was but the realization and acceptance of my fear of the unknown helped free me from the anxiety I had been carrying around. Wishing you the best on your life’s journey. Never lose hope.
Thank you. I am so happy you found your way back to hope. I will get there, I have been here before. This time was a perfect storm of life's circumstances that rendered me hopeless. Every day is an adventure.
Lisbon2022 - I have family that suffers from severe depression. It is a significant issue that is sometimes only apparent to the person suffering. If you’re on medication for depression, I wonder if changing the timing of when you take your meds might help once you get to just the V portion.
Having CLL certainly does not help ease depression or anxiety. I have my ups and downs but do not suffer from depression. Anxiety and PTSD are always living with me.
We are here for you and you are not alone.
Thank you, I know the V&O treatment are exacerbating my depression, it is a slippery slope. I will find a balance. This forum is a life saver.
I agree. I have learned much from this forum and appreciate the freedom to share my ups and downs
W and W but can relate to this. Thank you for having the courage to raise this issue, wishing you peace.
Yes depression is something no one wants to talk about. Understandably. Peace.
Lisbon2022 -
We have a psychologist who has been worth every penny, even if she is not covered by our insurance. Having a 3rd person reflect our thoughts back and suggesting small changes has really helped. So we've collected a bunch of small things that help, because we haven't found a big hammer that eliminates it. I haven't tried low dose psilocybin yet, but I do follow the research on it.
I've had depression my whole life that occasionally becomes clinical depression. I take medication (Trintellix) for it after trying a long series of drugs. What works for one may not work for another.
I find that fatigue and depression overlap a lot. I get so tired that I get sad. Crying makes me tired. Depression and anger have a dancing relationship. Anger is exhausting, too.
Having someone to lean on - literally and figuratively - is vital. Just laying my head on my wife's shoulder is a relief for awhile. Pets (cats) help me refocus my attention on caring for others, and get me out of my chair.
Being silly helps me rise out of it. I'm so tired, I tend to sit on the couch and watch TV a lot with my wife. We do couch dancing - just moving hands and feet - to the time of the TV show theme music. We poke each other and make farting noises.
I find that taking a drive (my wife drives) helps me focus at a distance. Being locked inside with walls only 10 or 12 feet away limits my horizon literally and figuratively. We sing along with CDs and the radio. A lot of Beatles and other oldies.
We had been going to the city park for short walks to look at birds and ancient trees until the heat wave hit the Gulf South here in the U.S.. We really look forward to that again, and I really miss it.
I'm really looking forward to the end of my fixed duration therapy. We talk about plans and wishes for things to do when my energy returns some. Looking past the time horizon in a positive way is the foundation of hope.
=seymour=
SeymourB, thank you, thank you for describing all you do to counter depression. Your wife is a darling! This heat has stymied our visits to the City Park, too. My husband and I always met someone at the Cafe Du Monde to have fun conversations with. We do miss that. I'm glad your treatment is going well. Cooler temperatures and low humidity will eventually arrive and so will our opportunities to "get out" for other activities besides doctors' appointments. 🙂 Sandra
Phil4-13 -
We've tried getting to that part of New Orleans City Park right when it opens at 7 on either Saturdays or Sunday. But even at 82F/28C and 50% humidity, I started to pass out when I stood up after sitting for awhile - orthostatic hypotension, I think.
I have good days and bad days. My wife has a fairly lush garden, but I miss the watching the egrets, ibis, geese, and duck families (plus human families!) at the park. I was hoping that finishing obinutuzumab would provide some relief, but I can't say I see a difference. For me, it's the venetoclax 400mg. I'm sure others handle it ok. I'm determined to maintain that dose, but if the doctor offered a dosage cut, I might take it now if I'm stil uMRD6 (<1 in a million cells) on ClonoSEQ this coming Tuesday, September 5.
We do just drive through the park from time to time, and sometimes we'll have a fast food lunch at the riverfront in Audubon Park. But I hate idling in the car to keep the air conditioning running. Timing it for right after rain cools things down works best. But there's been so little rain. We're in a serious drought even as close to the Gulf of Mexico as we are, as you well know, I'm sure. One part of town might get a sudden inch or two, while others stay dry..
The blast of heat and humidity when we make rest stop on the way to Houston to visit M.D. Anderson really saps me, too. I don't get as long of a walk, so I'm stiffer on arrival. I can't do the emotionally envigorating walkway through the cypress swamp at the Louisiana Welcome Center on the way back from Houston. We try to do a shorter walk, and then I collapse into the car seat.
=seymour=
Thank you for your tips to relieve the depression, I too am having a hard time with venetoclax, one day at a time.
Vitamin D strengths - beware
The countdown begins
1 day into a CLL diagnosis of my husband
Counting the sleeps till treatment
Stopping Ibrutinib
