3 month Lola’s passing: Today marks... - CLL Support Assoc...

CLL Support Association
13,117 members20,524 posts

3 month Lola’s passing

Today marks 3 months my sisters gone, and although I think of her everyday on special days like today I can honestly say it doesn’t get any easier as time goes by. It actually gets harder and harder. I miss her so much it feels like it’s been 100 years without her. I MISS YOU SIS

36 Replies
oldestnewest

So hard for you I’m sure. Lola touched many of our lives remotely via a keyboard. And I am definitely one. Her warmth, kindness and focus on others inspired me and challenged me. We chatted privately throughout her final admission and her posts on here blessed many. I miss her. Many of us on here miss her. How much more would those who she knew and loved “in real life” miss her.

Your sister lived as a special woman.

And you are right you will never “get over” her passing.

But perhaps the best way to honour her is to LIVE. I know that’s what she would want. She would want you to live on and allow yourself a bit of laughter through the tears. A bit of happiness in the sorrow. And some joy in the pain.

Life is precious. Loved ones are precious.

And so, yes, it is right to grieve.

But it is also right to live on and to honour Lola’s memory. And to do those things she would love to be able to do. There are things that only you can do and I’m sure you are doing. And so I really hope you find some comfort in knowing you are making a difference and to some extent stepping into that hole she left behind by for example loving those kids she loved so much.

There is no right way to grieve.

We share your loss.

And whilst you mustn’t and shouldn’t move on, life really does go on. And for that let’s be grateful. And let’s LIVE.

36 likes
Reply

Thank you so much your words and everyone’s word surely help more than you can immagine

6 likes
Reply

We miss your bright, effervescent sister too. The sparky lady we all knew as Lola. But our connection with her was nothing compared to yours as siblings who had travelled through childhood together with a bond that only siblings know. There’s a saying,

“Brothers and sisters don’t need words. They have perfected their own secret language of smiles, sniffs, sighs, gasps, winks and eye rolls.”

I bet you still see and hear all those unique things when you think of Lola. Something tells me she was a character who never blended quietly into the background! I have a brother I adore and can only imagine the pain you’re feeling.

I genuinely miss Lola too and think of her very often. The sudden, unexpected nature of her passing shocked me. She sent me a lovely message not long before she died and I cherish the appreciation she expressed.

Take care of yourself Lola’s brother and it’s good to hear from you. Send our love to her kids and family from her other online ‘family’ here.

Newdawn x

23 likes
Reply

Hello,

I can't imagine how difficult it is for you, Lola touched so many lives including mine, and we miss her greatly too. I genuinely think of her often and of you and your family, I wish for you some peace and happiness amongst your pain and sorrow and that things will get easier in time. I send you all love and warmest thoughts, take care 💕

Elkk au

8 likes
Reply

Sending you a virtual hug. I always think of the famous quote, don’t know who by- ‘To live in the hearts of those we love is not to die’. True words I think.

Peggy

13 likes
Reply

We miss Lola as well. You will find many mentions her in comments on this forum. Hugs and prayers going up for you as you continue the grieving process.

BeckyL USA

7 likes
Reply

Dear Vince,

I think of Lola often. I so appreciated her sense of humor and outlook on life. The one gift I wish I could give you is the passage of time. Believe me, you will never get over it. But in time the grief will turn into memories. One day you will be thinking of her and laugh or smile about something she did. You will always miss her, but you will be left with beautiful memories. Let’s face it, she was definitely one memorable lady.

Thinking of you and your family,

Sandy

12 likes
Reply

Thank you Sandy, I do miss her so much. It’s so difficult. I have a Down syndrome daughter whom continuously talks about her and as I work overseas texts me dozens of times a day telling me my sister is next to her and talks to her all the time. I think it’s really true sometimes

13 likes
Reply

Vince,

I cannot imagine the difficulty in losing a sibling. I did lose both my parents in the span of a year, I was devastated. Double whammy. I found it very difficult to talk about them without finding it difficult to breathe or to do so without sobbing.

My oldest daughter has epilepsy that stemmed from Lyme disease. After my Dad passed, she began having significant seizures. The only things she remembers from the seizures were she saw my Dad. The details she would recall would shake me up. A few days before my Mom passed, she seized for at least 10 minutes. My Dad told her that my Mom was tired and would be coming to be with him soon after Thanksgiving. She passed away the next day.

After my Mom died, she had only one more seizure and told me that they were together. My rational side says no way, but my heart believes. Yes, I do think your daughter is communicating with her. Lola loved her family. I do believe if there was a way, she would find it.

Keep the faith!

Sandy

8 likes
Reply

Sandy, I just wanted to thank you for sharing this with us. I really hope your daughter has been doing well recently. X

Debbie

5 likes
Reply

Thank you for asking, my daughter is on medication and doing great. This was a big reason we did not tell our children about my CLL diagnosis. We figured that the stress of knowing may be too much.

2 likes
Reply

Sandy, thank you so much for your heartfelt post. It made me teary-eyed for sure.

I am so grateful your daughter is doing great and benefiting from medication.

Big hug,

D.

2 likes
Reply

Thank you. It has been so hard going through all of this and keeping a big secret, I struggle often with this. I am first and foremost a Mom, I just pray that I am doing the right thing.

2 likes
Reply

You are awesome and it is quite evident how much effort you've invested in trying to do the right thing. Lots of love there.

XOXO

D.

2 likes
Reply

She was a very special lady who touched many of us with her wonderful personality, her quick wit and humour, as well as her warnings about Shingles. She was inspirational, informative and very caring.

She is being and will be missed by so many on here.

I have to say thank you to you for staying on the forum and for keeping us all updated about her family and your family and how you are dealing with her passing.

Lots of love and hugs and hopefully strength from knowing so many miss her.

Anne x

13 likes
Reply

Vince, I know that it is so hard to move on with life when you lose a sibling. I lost my brother on his 18th birthday many years ago. The pain of the loss eventually subsides and you are left with fond memories. I often wish that he were still here to share in all of the wonders of life with me, but I know that he is with me in my heart and smiling down from above. Hold on to Lola in your heart and cherish the time that you had with her. She would surely want you to move on with your life and enjoy it.

Thank you for helping us to remember the special person that your sister was. She is in all of our hearts as well...:)

Chris

12 likes
Reply

Hi Vince , you sister is a very special person to a lot of people and she missed. I go back to our private messages at times for some inspiration and laughs we had. Stay strong , also come to this site as often as you can. It’s nice to hear from you. Best wishes John.

5 likes
Reply

Vince,

I actually just created a post the other day and felt compelled to remember your sister in it. She suffered so much but posted so much about it in order to help and spare others the same thing.

That love and unselfishness that she displayed is uncommon but I believe that God has a plan. Had it not been for her suffering, I would never understand how some things can turn on a dime.

She was an angel on earth as she is now in heaven. God bless you and your family. Please stop by and post anytime. You’re helping others by being her voice now.

Jeff

6 likes
Reply

Those three months seem to go fast, but in the midst of grief it isn’t very long. Many prayers as you continue life without you precious sister.🙏🏻

5 likes
Reply

Your sister Lola❤!

So beautiful,powerful and courageus!

Love ,memory and sadness ramain.Always.

Olga

8 likes
Reply

Vince,

Sending you hugs and love. Your sweet sister was such a bright light on this forum. She is missed and will always be remembered with affection.

Warm regards to you and your entire family,

Nan

4 likes
Reply

Thinking of you Vince. Understand how you feel. My oldest sister just passed away 6 weeks ago, no warning. She had a massive heart attack. She was a firecracker, so very involved in all aspects of life, no known health issues. Sometimes still can't believe she's gone.

Just keep honouring Teresa (Lola) by talking about her, keeping her memory alive. I keep the photos of my sister out, even though at times it's like a punch in the gut when I see them, I'm respecting her memory/her life.

My brother passed away 12 years ago. He was a character, there wasn't a joke he forgot, always the life of any gathering. Same thing, he's always honoured by us that are left, by us talking about him, remembering him, photos displayed.

As others have said, time passing will help you Vince - but yes, it just takes time. Thinking of you.

Deb.

7 likes
Reply

Thanks Deb, always find it helpful reading about my sister on these posts by wonderful people but admit it has me crying like a baby. So imagine a big bodybuilder sitting at a hotel pool in this moment crying in front of everyone but I actually feel my love for her even stronger in this moment

10 likes
Reply

Who cares what others think right Vince? Tears help heal, relieve the stress of grief for a bit. I get teary-eyed grocery shopping, driving, doing chores or other stuff at home I'll cry. Teresa/Lola & my sister were both firecrackers, they've left a big hole in our lives, but it WILL get better. It will.

Deb.

6 likes
Reply

Vince - Only yesterday, while driving around running errands I found myself thinking of Lola, and trying to come up with a word that would describe her best. As is true with everyone, no one word came close. Firecracker, one I didn't come up with, but it fits. Feisty, caring, strong, vulnerable, aggressive, sharing, uplifting, and most of all loving. And that doesn't even begin to sum up the person she was. She especially loved her children and all of the family.

I lost my oldest brother, a year and a half younger than me, a couple of years ago. His birthday is next week. Thinking about that has brought back how much I miss him. Perhaps that's why Lola, and your family came to mind. I know how painful and surreal it is to lose a sibling and I know that your family is in the early days of processing the loss of Lola. She will live on forever in your hearts, and in the hearts of those of us here who knew her. I picture her in heaven bantering with Chris Dwyer, who she was expecially close to, and who passed away shortly after your sister.

6 likes
Reply

I feel your pain as I have lost many close friends and family members in the past 6 months. Although I never had the pleasure of knowing your sister, she sounds like a beautiful soul and I am so sorry for your loss <3

4 likes
Reply

So sorry for your pain and grief 💗🌹

2 likes
Reply

I did not know your sister but interacted with her on her last post and it was heartbreaking.

My experience of grief includes loosing a sister in 2006 who had CML. My sister left me a ten year old girl to raise at the time. We went to a grief group for two and a half years once a month and did every grief exercise but stand on our heads. Even went to a grief camp. The first year is the worst. You have to work through the first everything such as holidays and birthdays. You have to learn how to tell your story and sometimes you can without tears and sometimes not. I had a tearful breakdown just last year and it’s 13 years later. Everyone’s grief journey is different. Time does heal but it does not make you ever totally forget. My favorite grief movie is P.S. I Love You with Hillary Swank playing a widow and watching her grief journey. Grief groups do help as you journey with people on the same path. It will get better but not easily. Good luck. The brief exchange I had with your sister was touching and broke my heart when she passed.

4 likes
Reply

Your story is so similar to mine my sister left me 3 kids and we kind of help each other through all this. At the end I’m happy I have them with me

3 likes
Reply

I too remember your sister from this site and remember how she posted even when things were tough and she saw things deteriorating .... How she cared for those close to her and for us always careful to respond to our posts and questions .,.. She was definitely a presence at HU and missed by so many of us.... Hope that Knowing that we too keep her memory current and think of her quite a bit can ease the pain of your loss a bit .... Hope her children are doing well and know that the best tribute to their Mom is for them to live their lives to the fullest

Thanks for keeping in touch and allowing us to be somewhat supportive to Lola’s family as she was supportive to us all

Be well!!

2 likes
Reply

It IS SO hard to lose a sibling. Especially when you were close. Hold her close to your heart and even tho’ this may sound a little weird, look for signs that meant something between the two of you. I lost my sister in 2017 and I have had many “wonderful” coincidences that keep me connected to her.

4 likes
Reply

Condolences to your family. Your sister is so blessed to be remembered and loved. We should all be so lucky to have such a wonderful family

2 likes
Reply

Much love from this community to your family.

3 likes
Reply

💕

Reply

I've been thinking about Lola a lot too over past 3 months, Vince. She was such a bright, dynamic full-of-life presence here. Sending you love and sympathy.

kim

2 likes
Reply

Vince,

I'm so glad you felt you could come here to share your pain, where you knew people would understand how you feel. I think of your sister a lot.

One thing was quite apparent, even through an online forum, is your sister was full of love - for others and most of all, her family. It was quite a gift and I feel fortunate I had a taste of it, even if it was for just a short period of time.

I hope your father and Theresa's children are doing okay under the circumstances. Please let them know we think of them.

Big hug,

D.

2 likes
Reply

You may also like...