The news I didn't want :(

[Jmarieee]

The optician has said to me my eyes are to sensitive for aspheric lenses, no reason why just they are and it happens.

I cannot have 1.74 hi index lenses or aspheric lenses ( two are combined) for my prescription these are recommended highly! For aesthetics and less weight.

They don't much hi index without aspheric lenses, ones they do are significantly thicker, heavier and don't take away the bug eye look.

I'm not okay I'm very depressed, I'm scared of how I'm going to leave the house, having no partner due to my appearance, how people will react, what they may say, stares, or if I'll be able to look at myself, and with eyesight this will only get worse the older I get, so it's going to be a part of my life forever and I'm only 33.

I've only just been able to take photos of myself non selfie, after ten years of not being able to, with therapy and challenging thoughts of mine that I'm ugly, by posting those photos for others to see, I was just getting confidence back to try and live my life and understand it was in my head.

And now I'm going to stand out negatively everyday of my life, and it be real not imagined, I really don't know what to do to help myself...

Already spoken to GP about medication but I know this won't stop everything because it's a visible difference, and I'm on waiting list for CBT high intensity ( a year wait) can't afford private, but it's the day to day knowing I'll never look pretty or normal again 😞 and that my future isn't going to be the same, things seem very bleak and If I'm honest I really don't know how to cope with it all, and my family don't know what to say or do accept it'll be okay.

But none of them have this happening to them, even my mum with poor eyesight can have her hi index/ aspheric lenses.

The photo above is me currently in the glasses I like but can't see from, it's harder knowing these could have made me look normal/ nice but that I now can't have them.

Jade x

[worthytobeloved]

Wow - I do feel for you. I can imagine it seems like awful news, especially as you say you have always felt negatively about your appearance.My first reaction when I saw your photo is ,,, you're BEAUTIFUL!!! I know that everyone else seeing your post will say the same!!! But, I know, it's how you feel about yourself. Hopefully, your new glasses won't detract from your natural beauty.

I'm glad you have help from your doctor, and are on the waiting list for CBT.

I suffer from body dysmorphic disorder, and when I was diagnosed the psychiatrist told me that, even with therapy, I may never be completely 'cured', but hopefully could manage it a bit better. He was right.

I think it's Changing Faces charity that says 'remember, you are more than just your face'. I struggle with that saying myself, but certainly understand that I don't judge people by their looks, but by how nice they are.

I wish I could give you words of help, but you will be very much in my thoughts. Bless you! xxx

[Jmarieee in reply to worthytobeloved]

Hi,

I to was diagnosed with bdd age 14 up until well now, but it's no longer just bdd but an actual medical condition with my sight causing my appearance to change.

I understand bdd is evil!! and there was a time I hid my face in a hood for a year to go outside, I didn't want to be around, I even stopped eating as a way of not being here because I didn't know what else to do, it was a very dark 5 years.

Thank you for your kind words around my appearance, I feel I will no longer here nice things about how I look anymore and I need help accepting that, fast.

[Yellow-wellies]

Jmarieee, first thing that I noticed when looking at your photo was how pretty you are and how beautiful your skin is. Regarding your eyes, sorry your news has made you sad. Have you got friends you can go out with - someone you feel happy with and will go outside. Please don’t stop going out as hard as it is. You need to see the beautiful outside. Be strong, Go out and wear your glasses with pride. Love Yellow wellies xxx

[Jmarieee]

No all family are busy working, dropping own children to school, and getting on with their lives, I've said I'll need support but they've said sorry we're busy your going to have to do your best yourself, I've always gone to them or met them somewhere.

My best friend used to get a lift out to me, but is moving away in September due to having hard time's herself, she has huge anxiety so I'd usually bus to her currently due to her circumstances.

It'd be me with my daughter every morning weekdays on a busy bus for an hour,( which I've already received abuse in verbally once in my old glasses that showed my eyes were slightly different sizes due to prescription, two college boys said "who the fuck would have a kid with that, I mean they must if been out of it or something", I cried and stayed off the top of the bus for two weeks incase they were there, since .y new glasses I haven't had problems, but I can't keep them) and then I have to be in the school playground, then walk through a busy city center alone, to then bus home alone, then bus back in on my own and pick up my daughter, then busy time on town and school kids packed on buses from secondary school.

I've already had stares before, and that horrible comment so I'm expecting the worse from people, and that comment was said with my daughter sat beside me 😔.

I'm considering switching school to a local one where we'd walk until I can get used to people being horrible or staring, but new people will be hard for me also, but I don't know anyone at the school my daughter is at now and don't click with anyone, I like my own circle.

But I don't want to effect my daughters education or confidence being the new kid 😔, because the current school is great and her learning is amazing there, where as the other school are behind a bit, and she's grown to know people in her current school.

But for my mental health I don't think I can do it all alone and buses instantly etc... it's a lot.

All my family have said I need to think of my daughter and I'm overacting it's just glasses, I need to accept there's more to life.

I understand they don't want me to be depressed crying and allowing people to hurt me, but they aren't the ones having to experience it.

[worthytobeloved]

Oh, my love - how awful to hear that you were verbally abused by the two boys on the bus. Children can be so cruel. I can totally understand your worry about going out in case it happens again (I was agorophobic and housebound for years for that very reason, and still expect unkind comments when I go out). It's a shame you can't have someone supportive with you on those occasions, and I'm sad your family aren't more helpful. I wonder if your doctor could give you some medication to help with your anxiety, as the fear of what might happen when you go out will make it so much harder.

Is there any way you can get the glasses you need for your sight, that can be made to be made to look as good as possible (like the ones in your photo)? If there is, and I win the lottery, I'll pay to get them for you. (Wishful thinking, but who knows)?

Thank you for sharing how you feel and what you are going through - I hope you'll get a lot of moral support from this website.

A final thought- could the Changing Faces charity help in any way?

Take care, beautiful lady! xxx

[Hranola]

I think you Sre beautiful

[MaveB]

I'm so sorry to read how you're feeling Jmarieee, as explained before, I really get it, my prescription is slightly higher than yours.

I've genuinely never heard of anybody being sensitive to aspheric lenses before.

In my own case, I wore contact lenses very successfully for over 30 years. They are available in most types these days up to +8, is that an option for you?

As mentioned in an earlier post, I have glasses bespoked, and sized down from what's on the shelf, which works well for my prescription, as the lenses are smaller, so naturally come up thinner. If 1.74 aspheric don't work for you. 1.67 might well, and they're just a little thicker. Eg: I have to have my sunnies made in these lenses, as I can't get tinted 1.74.

Another option that I have considered too, is refractive lens exchange RLE, it's basically the very common cataract surgery procedure, but to correct vision. It was explained to me that due to my prescription and astigmatism they couldn't guarantee 20/20 vision, and couldn't give me varifocal lenses, but could reduce my prescription to - or + 1 approximately. This would enable most frame styles to be available, which, as we know, isn't our reality. In my case, this would have to be done privately, but given how much your well being is affected by it all, and your BDD diagnosis, it could be worth exploring with your GP to try and get a NHS referral? At the very least, a referral to a good opthalmologist to have a discussion about your problems with lenses could be very worthwhile. You can choose book these days, I chose and went to Moorfields, 'the' eye hospital in London. With the greatest respect to all local opticians, I have found in the long term, high street stores do not understand our type of prescription well, as it's so rare, therefore their advice is limited, and worse, regularly inaccurate.

I can only echo what others have said, although I truly understand this is not how you feel, your photo shows that you are a beautiful young lady.

Wishing you well x

[Jmarieee]

Another optician has upped my prescription to +8.00 in right and+7.75 in left, I'm waiting for them to be made up.

I did say the 1.74 can cause loss of clarity due to it's abbe number, and said would a 1.67 be better to try, but they wanted to try the 1.74.

My frame size is 48-16-140, obviously at a +8 now contacts wouldn't be possible with the astigmatism.

I have looked at the surgery, I don't believe I'm a candidate due to the amblyopic eye being 6/9 va on Snellen it could cause uneven/ double vision.

I feel like I'm out of all options, I did read COVID can cause a lot of eye issues and I have had long covid for two years now.

I'm very unwell at the moment with flu RTI so I'm trying not to think about it all as it just makes my anxiety and depression too much, avoiding is bad but I just feel I'm going to look ugly and silly and be treated poorly.

And that my partner will not find me attractive anymore, I also worry for my daughter who is already+5.25 and+4.00 and is only nearly 6, I was hoping she would have more options, maybe she will. X

[MaveB in reply to Jmarieee]

I'm so sorry to read you're feeling really unwell too. Hope that passes soon. I'm sure that must add to how low you're already feeling.

We've been with the family all weekend, only to find out that one has tested positive for Covid this morning 😣 so we're on watch and wait now 🙏 Covid definitely seems to have the potential to affect many aspect of our sensory systems.

You raise a really interesting point between the two lenses, I've found the vision with my sunnies, 1.67, is definitely a bit sharper than my distance glasses with 1.74 lenses. I'd never considered the difference like that before. 👍

48-16-140 sounds a great size, I also have the height shortened to 34mm max, to get the optimum lens in the frame. You've had a number of opinions on your prescription recently which must also add to the confusion of your situation.

I'm thinking that your partner will still find such a lovely looking lady as yourself attractive ☺️, but I appreciate that you're feeling very anxious over that.

And, that by the time your daughter grows up technology will have moved on further, as it has in my own life time.

Sending love, get well soon 🩷

M x