Cool people can change your thinking, even after the smallest of brushes ...

Just on hols at the moment. Sorry to report I am stuck in a terribly nice hotel in Jersey, amazing weather and some great food. Oh, and the beer is good too,

Life is hard (ok, so its a break from being harder at the moment then)

But something cool happened. I love having an online community behind me. I find it the most support asset I have.

I can put my thoughts down and say them, and it comes from the heart.

But in the mist of this really lovely holiday, we had the delight of the company of others in the hotel at breakfast and dinner, and the banter got going, and the laughter, and all was lovely.

But the issue of my lumps came up ... and I couldn't have been happier. The chap was a lovely man, touched by Skin Cancer, and understood what a skin condition could be like.

And for the first time, I feel absolutely was ready to seek the treatment I want, because here he was, undergoing something I consider much more serious, and yet he was saying, no, you need this.

We had a glass of whiskey after dinner last night, talked, and sadly he and his friends went home today.

It was the smallest of brushes, and conversations over breakfast and dinner, that has refocussed my thinking on what I want to do.

Small things can touch you,

[Shysteve]

Hi me again,must almost be like an annoying voice in your brain(sorry)can I just say it so nice to here that your actually sewing what you reep if you will ,in the fact that your stood behind us on this forum giving us wise words and support,its amazing to see the world returing the favour and standing at tour side to give you hope too,best wishes steve,I hope that makes sense (Iit did in my brain)

[Hidden in reply to Shysteve]

Someone having an opinion is never an annoying voice!

We (most of us, at least) are lucky enough to live in Democracies. Voice is everything, so there can no such thing as an annoying one.

Of course, Democracy means we may freely choose to ignore it!

And I think though, you have hinted at a weakness in me. I prioritise others over me needing things.

And I need to stop that. Mostly because I think it never really recognised that "look, CB, you can't carry on .... you need to have this lump sorted".

And maybe, this is the holiday where I have learnt that.

The bizarre thing is.... at times I get very scared. treating the lump is scaring me...

I beat a fear of flying ..... by learning to fly.

I beat a fear of heights .... strapped to a parachute.

I beat a fear of spiders ..... by handling a tarantula.

I know I am capable.

But something is scaring me. And I have not figured out what. And therefore, I don't know quite how to beat it.

Once I identify what's up, I can nail this. But for now, I do feel stumped. So Yes, i'm ready to start treatment, but I don't know why it is triggering panic in me.

It will come.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

to put it another way.

When i fly, I have faith in aerodynamics. I understand the physics of airflow over a wing and why the plane will fly. I know pilots. I know their logic, their mentality. Everything is safety.

I know, and absolutely believe without question, in the safety of flying.

I don't though understand anaesthesia. And that it is what I have to put my faith in.

And for some reason I don't yet fully realise, I don't understand why that is a problem ... because it does seem to be,

[Shysteve in reply to Hidden]

Hi sorry for the delay,could it be that youve got a tight hold on everything in your life and this is the one thing you have to trust another with matters out of your contol? Just a question,best wishes Steve

[MaveB]

It never fails to amaze me how in life chance meetings and chats with others can change the way we think and influence how we go forward! All the very best to you 😊