Those who have appearance altering facial scars - How do you look in the mirror and not see a stranger.

[artyasadream]

I'm getting better with this, but ever since my injury I feel like my identity has split from who I was before the fire. Like when I think of my "old self" it's like I'm seeing her (myself) in a bird's eye view, or when I'm thinking of old memories and I realize it doesn't feel like nostalgia, but instead like I'm remembering a scene from a movie.

So how do you all face a mirror and start to see yourself? Because it just feels like I'm staring at a stranger.

Follow up - should I delete my old selfies of me before I had scars? Sometimes I do go back and look at them and it makes me happy at first but then I get super depressed because I know I'll never look like that again.

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Hello artyasadream. I have scars on my face but I have had them since I was a few months old so I don't really know what I look like without them. However, I understand that it must be very hard for you to come to terms with the fact that you used to look different.

I would say that in order to feel better about yourself in the mirror, you need to accept that your scars are now a part of you. You are still looking at YOU in the mirror. I know this is a very difficult thing for you to do and it may take some time but you'll get there. You will start to see that, in fact, you are still the same person but with a special new part of you!

Here's what I'd do when you look in the mirror:

1) look in it more often to try and get used to your new image

2) Remind yourself of this...

TRUE BEAUTY COMES FROM WITHIN! I know it's a bit cheesy but I really believe it!

Also, I know you may feel like deleting some old pictures now but once you begin to feel more comfortable with yourself, you might regret it. As I said, you're the same person, you still lived the life in those pictures and you might want to be able to look back at them one day.

I hope this helps. Best wishes.❤

[danjos]

Hi, I can totally relate to you. When I look in the mirror, it feels like I am looking a a deformed monster, and putting on makeup really distresses me because it is hard work.

I find it hard to leave the house, and am very unmotivated x

[Thea2 in reply to danjos]

Hi, can I ask how you are feeling now? I hope you are managing ok?

I am struggling to accept my face with my scar. I have felt like this for a few months now but I thought if anything I would start to get used to it and feel better about it. Sometimes I think it's actually getting worse, like I felt hopeful at first that I would adapt but actually I'm becoming anxious and depressed.

I just wanted to say hi and that I understand. It's so hard to explain to people. They say, 'you are still you' & can't get their heads around how bad I'm feeling. And I know what they mean but I really don't feel myself.

[danjos in reply to Thea2]

I try to fight it, and not analyse my face in the mirror too much, as once I start I go into a really 'deep state of depression'. I have become an expert at applying camouflage makeup, and cover my neck scar with hair.

I never truly feel free, but I have to accept it, because it is not like 'screwing' about it is going change my circumstances x

[Thea2 in reply to danjos]

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm about to turn 40 & sometimes I'll think surely I should be dealing with this better? Like what would I say to my kids if they were in this situation. I think 'pretending' to them that it doesn't bother me kind of reminds me that it does.

But yes, acceptance is the goal. I'm hoping that cbt plus time will help with that x

[danjos in reply to Thea2]

Yes, I need to do the same CBT sessions, as 'we are where we are', and by getting down about it we must accept our circumstances, or we will spiral into a worse depression, and add 'insult to injury'.

[Thea2]

Hi there I wondered how you are getting on? I've been feeling very similar it sounds like. I have a forehead scar that is prominent & I catch glimpses in shop windows etc and it is a shock every time. I still see my face as it was in my mind's eye and so when I look in the mirror it's like I reject my whole face. Not just the part that is scarred