Did you live that same mental journey?

[Lino1]

I was disfigured by a skin infection few years ago.

Both cheeks are scarred really really seriously.

Nobody in my close environment took it seriously when I confessed to them I had skin issues a few years back.

"What are you stressing for? It's nothing"...

They treated it like it was nothing...not listening to me. Ever.

Which meant I was alone.

I had the worst case. People considered having your flesh really seriously damaged (really seriously) on both cheeks as something really not serious...

(I still feel resentment, as I still can't understand their behaviour)

So ...the mental process is "you're saying me I dont have problems...so having your skin destroyed for life isnt a disfigurement...what am I? I'm an ugly guy...?"

Just go get a "job" , live life...

Which means you compare with others...because youre normal....

but you got social anxiety...you then start feeling guilt about it.

You realize the same people who told you the state of your skin doesnt matter put make up on their faces , and are obsessed about being good looking...

our society really got to face some serious questions about many of of its strong values (

25 years old , didnt kiss a girl since I was 18 (I used to be good looking , even worse when you feel the difference)

You feel stressed any time someone talk about the dating subject.

Then it happens. Someone ask you "whats your dating life"? in front of every body, after they all detailed for 5 minutes their whole "dating" situation. Couldnt say anything but a few words making anyone understand I was alone. And apparently I should feel ashamed of it.

One of the most embarassing moment of my whole life.

I'm a new freelance developer...

But , like I was normal , I compared myself.

I felt guilty for feeling different from all the other freelances around me..

They were good looking...(Honnestly, 80 to 90% of people are good looking, and that's great stop listening to the media stuff)...smooth skin (like most people, again contrary to media bs...)

Which resulted in me hating myself.

Feeling like I was inferior, nothing...

And then, I realized I was just different physically, and that I just running away from this thing, and stop burrying it...

I need to accept myself as I am, and realize that , I'm simply disfigured...and thats OK...

But its important to realize it, to be able to build yourself, to grow up...and stop killing yourself.

Comparing yourself with people who are nothing like you, is just something really dangerous.

I will stop having this constant fear "what will I do with such a face"?

I'll just realize its OK not to fit in fixed standards...

I'll just be a disfigured, self employed man...

And it's a whole different life in front of me ...

[Priestly6]

Yeah same. Wish I could say once you accept it everything is ok but all the issues of anxiety dont really go away because you still know how other people view and think about you. I feel envious of your self employed position though. Would love to not have to go into an office with this.

[MTTA]

Hi Lino. Everything you say is painfully true. I think people who live with disfigurement learn to be really strong even if they think they’re not. I wish people could mirror their inside on the outside and beauty would be a complete different thing. Thank you for your sincere post.

[jellyelly]

So true. Anything that got to do with skin, scarring, acne or skin disease, it only view as being vain by others just because its not on them so they dont know how it feels to have it and face the world with that face. Talk is easy for them, when they themselves care about their looks too. Thats why i dont like human beings, 100% of them are judgemental and only look at thing on the outside, rarely put themselves in other people shoes to imagine what if these are on them, it wouldnt be nothing or a small matter to them anymore.

[rapture4u in reply to jellyelly]

I think you have mentioned something that might sound unpalatable to some, but needs saying anyway. I have plagiocephaly, deformity of the skull from birth, and I feel judged whenever I have to go out, whether shopping or needing a walk for exercise. Usually constant staring from strangers, and sometimes it appears like a scowl or contempt. It's all very well people saying never mind, get on with it, but like you said they don't have to live with it on a daily basis. Also I often feel excluded on ocassions, and that because of my deformity, I am judged solely on this condition, and because you not perfect, you are somehow a bad person, or you're painted in a very negative way, and so your underlying qualities, your strengths, your intelligence, your abilities, are all overlooked and ignored.

[jellyelly in reply to rapture4u]

Sigh. I understand your struggles. The only way to console ourselves is telling myself this life is temporary, just bear with it for another 50 yrs depend on your age. Though during the process its gonna be hard.

[Lino1 in reply to jellyelly]

Exactly...this website is really amazing..

It plays a therapeutic role in my life.

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Hi Lino1,

I understand the feeling when something is really important to you but your friends and family just don't seem to understand. My sister will rarely listen to me or care about what I'm saying of it's got anything to do with my medical conditions. She doesn't do it to be nasty, I just don't think she understands how much of a big deal it is for me. She tries to compare her medical condition with mine which is hard to do considering her's is not visible and mine is. I think it is important to remember that we will all have our own struggles in life. Until other people can experience our conditions for themselves, they will never really understand what it is like. I know this can be hard to come to terms with but we have to realise that this could be the reason why they don't show much interest in it, they simply just don't understand it fully and this will be hard for them to do but it is not their fault.

Hope you are well!😊