Advice Welcome ....

[Tinkerbell1991]

Hi, I've just joined the group for some support / advice. I had a brain tumour as a little girl when they removed half of this I was left with a facial disfigurement which I struggle to deal with as surgery cant seem to fix it and I get nasty comments / remarks from people often which totally deflates me ... if anyone has any advice on how to cope it would be much appreciated.

[SamChangingFaces Partner]

Hi Tinkerbell1991,

Welcome to the Changing Faces community and thank you for sharing your situation with us - it sounds like you have experienced some difficult times and things have been hard for you. It is good you are reaching out for support. There are several people here who have scarring and also who have experienced the responses from others that you describe due to their visible difference - and this is a good place to connect with them.

Changing Faces also offers several support services including a Support and Information Service - see here changingfaces.org.uk/advice... for more details.

Take care,

Sam - Changing Faces

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador]

Hello Tinkerbell1991 and welcome! I'm glad that you have decided to share your story and seek support on this amazing forum.

I can definitely relate to the unkind comments since I have been experiencing them for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately there are people in this world that don't seem to understand the pain that one comment can cause. Over the years I have learned to ignore it as much as I can but sometimes the comment just stays with me and it can be hard to forget about.

I cope with them best when I am out with my friends or family as I find it is easier to ignore or joke about at the time. However, if I am on my own I often feel more vulnerable and less able to ignore it or just laugh it off. This often means that it upsets me at the time but I always make sure that I seek support afterwards either by calling a friend or doing something I enjoy to cheer me up.

I hope this helps you in some way. I know how hard it can be sometimes but with everything you've been through I believe that you will survive whatever life throws at you. Stay strong!

[Tinkerbell1991 in reply to AlwaysSmiling]

I'm so glad someone understands how I feel. I'm not so bad when with my friends etc as usually they respond with a whitty remark on my behalf but like yourself when I am on my own I really struggle.

I also struggle to forget what people have said to me, it then eats away at me. Just wish some people werent so rude and had a filter.

I'm hoping one day I will learn not to let peoples comments get to me. I do appreciate your feedback though, its good to know I'm not the only one out there feeling this low.

[AlwaysSmiling Community Ambassador in reply to Tinkerbell1991]

I'm glad I could help. It's fine if people's comments get to you. You have the right to be upset or angry about them. I agree that it's nice to hear from others in a similar position. That's what I love so much about this forum!😊

[user533]

its not easy.

its not fun looking yourself in the mirror and doesnt like your appearance....

You feel like God abandoned you ; Personally i found that only 'good' surgery can really change lifes.

And when you find it difficult to date women because you feel like your facial difference isnt part of you actually.

if you wanna talk you can message me .

[Avidwalker]

Hi Tinkerbell

I've just joined this website as I am to undergo further treatment and, as much as I believe that I have survived the worst I'm hoping that I may too find some support here. Prior to my surgery though, your message was the first I have read and it has resounded with me as I too have had to suffer nasty looks, not so much words (but then I do have a tendency to listen to music when I am outside which may be an idea for you too), and what I did to help was to deflect it by saying to myself that they were a lot worse off than me as, although physically I didn't look great, they were nasty inside.

I think that some days are worse than others and we are more sensitive to how people are reacting towards us so those days we will probably be impacted more. It's a cruel world out there that is for sure and there are people that have opinions about everything and want to shout them out loud but that is more of a reflection on them than us. They will always be there and it's up to us to "unsee" them.

The people that are worth knowing will always be there for us which is what is important and that's what we need to remember going forward.

Happy to talk if you want to want to message me (not quite sure how that works yet but am sure I will find out).

[DolaChangingFacesUK in reply to Avidwalker]

Well said Avidwalker! Welcome to the group.

[younique]

Hi Tinkerbell! Welcome, you've come to the right place! My advice is to focus your mind on a hobby. I know it sounds rather simple, like a hobby won't change your condition. But it's healthy to occupy your mind with something other than your surgery. Trust me I get it, it's hard not to obsess and try to make sense of things. I fall into that rut more often than I should. But that's what happens with trauma. We get stuck. So a hobby helps to bring your mind into the present moment and develop a pastime that is enjoyable, that you can share with others. It helps to bridge the gap. 🤗 Looking forward to more of your posts.