I've been gone for a while. Just feeling rlly empty lately, the hopelessness isn't effecting me as much as it used to though. I still hate my face, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that it can't be changed. I always wish to wake up in a different body someday. I hate who I am. How I look, and I've even put on some weight lately. I try to distract myself by dying my hair bright colors, so people will notice that instead of my ugly face. I feel like my boyfriend thinks I'm ugly deep down, and that he just stays with me because of my personality. I wish I wasn't so caught up on how I look. It feels that being pretty is more important than anything for me. I know how unhealthy that is. I've had many friends who are stunningly beautiful. I always felt I was in their shadow. I always felt they put me last because I wasn't as gorgeous as their other friends. I still feel this way sometimes. I am always the ugliest one in pictures with my friends, because of how lopsided my face is. I always want to crop myself out. I've seen how much kinder the world can be to people with pretty faces. I've been bullied for years for my appearance. I sometimes just wanna blame all my problems on how I look. For the longest time I couldn't get a job for some reason. I am a very kind and outgoing person, yet my beautiful friend managed to score 3 jobs in the span of a week. ( and we both lacked job experience so..?) I just didn't get it, I feel like people just hate looking at me and as a result they don't want to hire me. My ex left me because he fell for a prettier girl who happened to be this friend who scored all the jobs. I am tired of trying so hard to feel good about myself and failing every time. For so long I have been teased, rejected, and abused for how I look. I wish I could pinpoint exactly what is wrong with me. I know my face is deformed, I just don't know why? Or how? I'm crying in the parking lot rn alone in my car at 12:00 midnight. At this point in my life I am tired, so tired. Hopefully things will look up soon.
Current emotions : I've been gone for a while... - Changing Faces
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