Family are not what they're cracked up to be. - Care Community

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Family are not what they're cracked up to be.

secrets22 profile image

Your Thoughts?Some time ago i asked a family member if they and their adult children would like to come for a meal,answer was NO,they are far to busy,and this is the second time with another family member saying the same ,who was far to busy,,and so i will NEVER ask them again,and yet friends have never refused,they are always delighted to enjoy our hospitality,and not to brag but i really do go overboard with entertaining,which proves friends are your true family.

PS/ But how on earth can they presume to answer for them when they've not even asked them.?

6 Replies
Callendersgal profile image

Hi Roddy, My sister in law used to have a framed copy of Ethel Watts Mumford's saying that 'God gives us our relatives. Thank goodness we can choose our own friends'. And I think the real meaning of that is that we can't necessarily rely on family to be more loving, understanding or helpful to us. And indeed, as that expectation comes along with the role, whoever your family are. perhaps it's no wonder that our friends are kinder to us. Because they choose to be! At their best and most loving our families are the best thing in the world. But like anyone, they can be capable of letting us down. Perhaps it's best to just keep an open mind about what help and loyalty we will get from family and just cherish anyone who supports and loves us!

you can choose friends but not family. I feel for you. It's a theme on these health forums where family do not seem to understand or are willing to be normal. I've seen this kind of behaviour in so many places. I used to work at a crematorium. It was an eye opener how many fights started in the car park.I know its a tired saying, but count your blessings and dont waste your precious energy. Put it to good use. Good luck

Many years ago I had asked my parents would they like to come to see me and I had received lots of excuses of why this couldn't happen and I got ever so upset and I had a chat with a colleague saying what had happened and she said how her parents are dead so can't come to see her but would sort something out if they were here with her and how it's when they can do things and won't is when it hurts.

Today we had a great day out in the city centre and had a drink and then onto viva Brazil for a Christmas eve lunch out which we all enjoyed and I said to my friends how I hadn't been invited to Christmas with family and they had said that was spiteful and how I had decided to let the matter go and not do anything rather than go and ask them why or why not had I not been invited as if I had asked that I would have ended up infuriated as I would have just received a load of silly excuses and lies so to save my sanity not doing anything and letting the matter go is the best way forward and the other girls backed me up and said to me that I was right not to do anything and it is the best thing I can do for myself is to let the matter drop and ignore them!

I said how I was sick of getting fobbed off with silly excuses of why things can't happen and how the best way forward is making others feel welcomed and included like asking them out to things as I love to be asked out even when I can't make it as its nice to feel welcomed and included in things even if you can't always go!

When I have been asked out and couldn't go I would be honest and just tell the person straight sorry I can't make that day not hide behind silly excuses!

I think the excuses are cowardly myself and my friends always ask me had there been any silly excuses lately as we turned them into entertainment and happily I said no not lately but if anything comes up you will be the first to know as I used to get ever so upset hearing the excuses and I'm glad I'm not a coward and a liar!

Are the dogs looking forward to tomorrow then as Baby is here!

We are looking forward to a few relaxing days and then new year and I wasn't sorry when they said the nye celebrations are cancelled!

I often get reminded that I have a family , and until Coronavirus reared its head I had many freinds and a active live. Many families seem disappointed in the modern way families live I can smile when my family come to my aid . But socialising is usually about a life with others your own age , with similar likes and dislikes. Everyone has their own social needs including our family . I would not choose my present lifestyle of complete social isolation fate as put me there, like many others and on line freinds can be a life saver. I don't agree with family having to do your care needs either but they are changed into volunteer helpers at times like this , so I feel the family structure is now being mis used, with no changes apparent for the future. So we have to make the best of our individual new family & freinds structure. Do enjoy life while you can.

Hi secrets22You're the one who cared, the one who provided. This clearly makes you a different kind of person to the 'family'. You may feel they either don't or won't share with you, and although this hurts it's not you or the family at 'fault', we are just different. You can and probably do spend more time with friends, they're friends and you chose them/they chose you. In just the same way, family make their choices.

I'm on my own today. Have family, but no invitations until tomorrow. Yes it hurts, but their choice so i recognise that for them this is the right way to do things. It's not bothering them so i wont let it bother me much!)

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