The ups and downs of life: I received a sad... - Care Community

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The ups and downs of life

Callendersgal profile image

I received a sad phone call yesterday to let me know that a fairly close and popular family member has just succumbed to his terminal brain tumour, and died. Of course it wasn't unexpected, but was, as death always is, still a shock, especially as it was such a short period between his diagnosis and death.

It made me think about how uncertain life really is for us all. We all invest so much in the happiness of our weddings and the birth of our children that we forget, (or push to the back of our minds), the things we might be called upon to endure at a later date.

Maybe we ought to be a bit more realistic at the outset, and acknowledge that anything at all can, and does, happen to blight our happiness.

Of course we want what makes us happy and not what makes us miserable, but we focus too much, (especially nowadays), on things that really don't matter, like hugely expensive weddings and accoutrements for bringing up children, when really all they need is loving parents, warmth, a roof, sufficient food and moral guidance.

Why have we managed to get it so badly wrong?

That's why it's heartwarming to hear of so many people, here in the Care Community, who step up to the plate, take responsibility, do what they have to do, not only when it's done through love but even when it's isolating, dreary, soul destroying and the person you are caring for is troublesome, annoying, or downright ungrateful for all that you do.

So today I'm thinking not only of my deceased cousin, whose pain and suffering are now at an end, but of those for whom there's no known end date and who struggle physically and mentally with all the burdens of caring for another human being.

Cheers to you all, and have a good day.

14 Replies
sassy59 profile image

So sorry to hear your sad news Callendersgal and thank you for a very thought provoking post.

I’m very fortunate to have family close by yet sometimes feel very alone in my caring for Pete. It’s such a privilege to be part of this wonderful community and to know that I’m never really alone though.

I wish everyone a happy, peaceful day and a chance to reflect on what a caring lot we are even if we’re not always appreciated.

Take care and hugs to all. Xxx 😘

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to sassy59

Thanks sassy59. So well said!

Hi Callendersgal,

I'm really sorry to hear about your cousin. You make a great point about everybody on here stepping up to the plate when things get tough and that is really important to recognise.

As you say it's very easy to get caught up in the good times and bury your head in the sand during hard/testing times.

Thinking of your family during this difficult time.

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to EM1234

Thanks EM1234!

So sorry for your loss, the care home where mum is rang last week to say she wasn't eating or drinking and were we happy for her to go into hospital if necessary which we were, my sister came over all 4 days if the bank holiday weekend, I went with her Monday, mum didn't even know we were there, Liz tried to give her a mouthful of food which mum didn't want, she also pushed her drink away, but, and without being morbid, if mum is still here at the weekend Liz will be over again (8 years ago mum was given days to live), and in those 8 yes Liz has cared for mum, without and complaining, as well as holding down a full time job, although my brother and I do what we can for mum, in fact I was surprised Monday at the amount of postcards Jonathan sends mum when he's away x

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Jennymary

Thanks Jennymary, and it's so lovely to hear of your's and your sister's dedication to looking after your mum so well and for so long. Sending you heartfelt best wishes, because you are doing a most wonderful thing. All caring is, regardless of underlying emotions, but when it's done overridingly with love, there's something especially noble and good about it.

So sorry to hear your news Callendersgal, I will be thinking of you and your family x

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Kittie103

Thanks so much Kittie103. That's really kind of you.

Sorry to hear about your loss, even if we're expecting bad news it's still a shock, I suppose that's what life is all about though life and loss, thankfully we don't dwell too much on the latter as it will come to us all soon enough,. I think today's generation are more live for the moment than we were, I don't know if this is good or bad, I do think perhaps we worry too much about the future instead of living for the day, life is so short, maybe they've got the right idea.

Callendersgal profile image

Hi Mydexter,

Thank you so much for your condolence and for your thoughts on the subject!


I'm so sorry for your loss, it is never easy to come to terms with even if it's expected. It is at moments like these that we are reminded of the truly important things in life that we often take for granted: love, family, friendships, good health etc. Thank you for your insights and encouragement.

Take care,

MAS Nurse

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to MAS_Nurse

Thanks MAS_Nurse

You write so beautifully. I thank you for your words of wisdom and the position you regard me in as a full time carer to now two people in my life. My thoughts are with you on your personal and sad loss.

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to Jacki66

Thank you so much Jacki66

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