Helping someone who's paranoid.

[Piobair]

My mate has delusional disorder, persecutory type.

She adamantly believes that all of our surrounding neighbors are engaged in some criminal conspiracy. We're under constant surveillance, and our landscaping is being slowly poisoned to improve their sight lines. They signal our movements to one another via the street lights. They are beaming ultrasonic and laser beams at us. There are people creeping through our woods at night. Her former employer (who she accused of poisoning her, resulting in an OSHA investigation) may be collaborating with the conspirators. They're surreptitiously moving the surrounding phone poles, fences, etc., but she is the only one astute enough to notice. Ultimately, they're going to kill her, because she "knows too much."

She finds these delusions to be distressing, to say the least. My distress at being coronavirus-locked-down for nine months with someone who at times is oscillating between being rageful and distraught; frenetically spewing this crazy from the moment she awakes to the moment she collapses out of sheer emotional exhaustion, is pretty high as well. With a new doctor she's a bit better, but if anyone has any suggestions for how I might help her, I'd be deeply grateful.

B@☮

[sassy59]

Welcome to you Piobair, that’s an awful lot for you to deal with. Do you have any help or support? I feel for you and your friend but have no idea what more you can do. You’re there with her which is such a wonderful support to her but you have to think of yourself too.

I wish you both well. Xx

[starveycat]

I have no knowledge of her problems, it might sound trite but have you thought of trying to get here interested in some sort of craft. It would make her concentrate on her craft, and when she finished it there would be a sense of achievement. Also another thought what about gentle yoga the slow movement might help, I am sure you could find a site in Google.She is very lucky you are there. Good luck

[Piobair in reply to starveycat]

Thank you. In addition to her delusional disorder she had a concussive head injury a year and a half ago in a car wreck, leaving her with major deficits in memory and executive functioning. She has several interests, but has great difficulty focusing and planning, and is quite easily distracted. She also has systemic lupus, which was greatly exacerbated by the trauma; I think Tai Chi would be enormously helpful to her, but she's quite ill and in a great deal of pain most of the time.

[starveycat in reply to Piobair]

I'm so very sorry to hear that 💔

[Hidden]

Hi Piobair,I can absolutely understand the strain this is placing you under. I too have experienced this on a much lower level with my late sister whose dementia played out as paranoia rather than memory loss and it was extremely taxing to deal with. Even health professionals seemed to struggle on occasions.

I'm sure you know that to the person experiencing this, it is all very real and it's definitely better to engage in agreeing that it's all happening, whilst offering support than to constantly disagree and cause more conflict.

Sadly I don't think there's any easy answer to this. As well as better understanding and a drugs regime provided by a good health professional, which will help your partner personally, what you need is some means of time away from the situation and I know that's really difficult at the moment, and because the delusional person is so mistrustful and will not be persuaded to stay with anyone else.

Although it will be distressing for your partner, I would pursue, as soon as the pandemic will allow, some kind of respite break for yourself, because a carer who cracks and breaks is of no use to the one who is being cared for.

So sorry for your situation, and if it will help, please come and share your stress and worry here within the forum. We're always happy to listen and sometimes just getting some of it off your chest is as useful as anything. Very best wishes to you both.

[Piobair in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I've been told not to directly contradict her, nor agree with and reinforce her delusions, but to focus on the unmet emotional needs which underlie them; much easier said than done. I want her to feel safe, loved, and cared for without infantilizing or patronizing her, but sometimes it's just so very hard; sometimes I feel like the best I can do is just stupidly smile like an idiot. How do you rationally respond to someone who spends hours pouring over old photos searching for proof that someone secretly moved the phone pole at the top of the drive with no one noticing? Respite would be lovely, wouldn't it? She's suicidal, and I've promised the doctor not to leave her alone, so here I sit. 24/7. She is getting a little better with the medications and a new doctor, but it's still so very hard at times.

[Hidden in reply to Piobair]

My commiserations Piobair. Sometimes it's such a good job that so many of us are so invested in those we love. Society leans on us so hard to be the carer but gives little thought with how we can be strong enough to provide it 7 days and nights a week, for 52 weeks of the year.It would be plain wrong to do anything which makes matters worse but if you can find ways which aren't recommended, but help you along, I'd say do it...... for your own sanity. Thinking of you and hoping you can stay strong enough to weather this. Please remember we are here if you need support, even if we can't provide you with solutions. 🙏

[Piobair in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

🙏

[Lincoln14]

I'm not sure if this will add anything, but someone close to me suffered with paranoia when severely sleep deprived. It turned out they had chronic sleep apnoea which was an incidental diagnosis after investigations for chronic tonsillitis, and as soon as they started on treatment for the sleep apnoea and started getting regular sleep (after 10 years of not doing so) the paranoia and persecution complex disappeared. I'm not saying it's as straightforward as that for everyone and my lovely friend still has bipolar episodes but I am still amazed by how it has turned their life around.

[Coralrose5]

Hi Piobair,

My mother experiences similar delusions and it started about 17 years ago. She thought people at her work were out to get her, then it’s been people waiting for her and are all in collaboration to hurt her because knows too much. I don’t know how to help her either. I don’t live with her I live in another country. My poor sister is taking care of her now.