Shhhh.... too quiet

Hi everyone,

I was just looking at two lovely responses from ooopspossum and Boots14 to one of the posts on this forum saying what a friendly and helpful lot we are! Many thanks to those two people and it's so good to know that we are collectively a big help.

We are a special lot and that's probably due to the fact that we are about issues surrounding caring for other people and not necessarily ourselves.

But it also means that there often isn't the amount of user 'traffic' that some other forums get, and at the moment it seems awfully quiet around here.

I'd love to think that's because there aren't any pressing problems for anyone at the moment, but I doubt it's that. Looking after other people leaves lots of us with very little time to spend on forums.

But I would hate it if this forum fell into disuse through lack of posts. Often newcomers will check out a forum and if no-one's posted for a long while, think it's inactive and don't bother coming back.

So I just wanted to ask if there's anyone with anything they'd like to share with us on the forum. Not necessarily their caring problems, but just check-ins to say 'hi' and let us know what's new in life and how the new year is going so far. Anyone got anything exciting come up over the next few months? Or updates on how your caring is going? I remember a while back when we had some pictures being posted, which was lovely. If you are new here but have never posted, we'd also love to hear about what brought you here and something about yourself. Obviously we want our main aim to remain as a support for those with caring issues, but do feel free to share anything you'd like.

Very best wishes to all of our forum members!

[sassy59]

I don’t really post as prefer to help others as much as possible. I’m also on health unlocked for lung problems and don’t really post on there either.

I am busy caring for Pete and spending time with family and friends. Pete has his myelogram CT scan on Friday so we’re gearing up for that.

I feel that people have their own agenda and will post as and when they want to. We’re here for everyone.

I take a step back sometimes as feel a bit low because of Pete being in pain. It’s very depressing for us both but we carry on.

I wish everyone well and hope we can all stay in touch and help each other through difficult times.

Thank you for your post Callendersgal. Xxxx

[Hidden in reply to sassy59]

Hi sassy59, Thanks for setting the ball rolling, and I hope others will find a minute or two to do the same. All the best to Pete and I do hope that his myelogram scan is trouble-free next Friday and has a good outcome. It must be a nervous time for you both. I know what a brave face you present on the forum and I know it can't always be easy for you, but for sure you are one of the most valued contributors here, and you must have helped countless people with your cheerful, helpful and loving attitude. xx

[sassy59 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words and good wishes. Pete and I are both nervous as he has to have fluid removed from the spine and then have a dye injected. The upside is it should show exactly what the problem is so that’s something.

I’m sure others will come on here soon as and when they feel able.

Thinking of everyone. Take care all. Xxxx 💕

[Lynd in reply to sassy59]

I wish you well Sassy x

[sassy59 in reply to Lynd]

Thank you Lynd. Xxx

[Lynd]

Hello everyone

Well Christmas and new year is over and this period waiting for spring is a bit of a tough one for me. I have the usual moans of too many medical appointments to attend. My husband continues to improve bit by bit regarding his brain injury so at least I feel that my time as his carer is not for nothing. It has been months of teaching my husband over and over again of how to cope with daily life and although we still have a way to go it has been rewarding in that respect.

I feel all of us carers need to blow our own trumpet and stand proud for the invaluable work we do every day.

Take care everybody.

[sassy59 in reply to Lynd]

Great news regarding your husband and I truly hope he continues to improve.

Some things never change though as you say, so many medical appointments.

Let’s give each other a pat on the back. All carers everywhere do a remarkable job. Well done!

Good wishes to you Lynd. Xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Lynd]

Hi Lynd,

Thanks so much for your update. This is a bit of a 'limbo' time of year isn't it, with most people just wishing that spring would hurry up? It's been such a boost to have clear skies and some glimpses of sun (in our area at least), over the past couple of days. It at least brings a bit of hope that spring's not too far away.

It's lovely to hear that you are having some successes in re-teaching your husband to cope with daily life again, and you should acknowledge what an achievement it is, because it takes a lot of work to gain a little improvement. Take some comfort in that Lynd, and for the rest I guess all we can do for now is to hunker down and hopefully look forward to the small joys that spring often brings. Can't wait now to see the first hopeful snowdrops and crocuses poking through the earth. Love and best wishes. x

[Lynd in reply to Hidden]

I have seen my first clump of snow drops. Yes that does lift the spirits.

We still have February yet though and that can be a very tough month.

My Mum has fascinated me in the past talking of the winter of 47.

She said in order to keep the fires going they had to take doors off cupboards etc so they had something to burn. That must of been hard.

[Hidden in reply to Lynd]

Great Lynd, I think a trip to some green areas is in order to see if I can spot some early flowers too. Happy to say I just missed the winter of '47 but having been born in the next year, I can definitely say that everything was in short supply/rationed. Most houses had only one working coal fire and the bedrooms were perishing, often with ice on the inside. There was a massive coal shortage, due to the aftermath of WW2 and industrial action, and I don't doubt that people were reduced to burning furniture and cupboards to try and stay warm. My sisters say my mum used to take them out for long walks in the snow, so that on re-entering the house it felt a little bit warm. By comparison we are so comfortable now.

[FredaE in reply to Lynd]

I remember the winter of 1947..I was nine and we had moved to a tied cottage in Bucks where my father had a job as a chauffeur to an old lady. It was the first time I had ever seen icicles - a whole line of them about eight inches long hanging over the door to the outside loo which was an earth closet. There was also a snowdrop coppice which was magical and a mulberrry tree none of which I had ever seen before. I thought it was a wondeful place but it was tough on my mother. At least the water in the pump in the kitchen never froze

[Hidden in reply to FredaE]

Hi FredaE, That was a fascinating memory to read about. Thank you! It conjured up more memories for me too, with your mention of kitchen pumps. We had a (for that era), a quite modern city council house, but most of my aunts were country dwellers and had those. As well as the pumps I remember drinking tea out of jam jars when we had a get together and there weren't enough cups to go around all the kids. It was certainly a make do and mend generation, who were very ingenious copers in time of need. Again, thanks so much for the memory! x

[Lynd in reply to FredaE]

What a wonderful place for a child Freda. Great to have a mulberry tree. I think they have one in the grounds of Tewksbury Abbey.

I remember the ice on the inside of my windows when I was a child.

Used to love the patterns.

[FredaE in reply to Lynd]

My parents were townees and my mother found it particularly difficult to cope as she was in poor health and a coal range and a brick washboiler were things she found very hard. It was not long beore an electric stove appeared..... I have always felt privileged to have seen the last tattered remnants of the old ways.but when anyone talks about the place going to the dogs I think with gratitude of my warm house and modern plumbing. Going to bed in the winter was a strict ritual. Any bits that were visible were washed in a china washbowl with roses on filled with tepid water carried upstairs in a matching jug.. Anything not visible was kept wrapped up. My mother put a hot water bottle in my bed so that I could move it down the bed and sit on the warm patch. Long woollen stocking were peeled off and carefully tucked under the blanket so ithey did not fall off in the night. They did once in 1947 and next morning they were frozen as stiff as boards on the floor. They stood up on their own and fell over with a thud. .I was late for school that day while they were thawed out. Knickers were left on for warmth. Bare feet went into bed and pushed the bottle down a bit further. and off came a jersey or two or a twin set and under the blanket quick. Next the liberty bodice, introduced as a "healthy " substitute for the victorian corset for warmth and support for girls. followed by a woollen vest which started life a lovely pale cream but ended up yellowed and with a few scorch marks from being dried over the fire on a clothes rail. These went between the blanket and the eiderdown and were replaced by a winceyette night dress. The bottle went to wherever in the bed needed it most and ended up down by your feet. no wash next morning -the water in hte bowl was frozen like the wonderul fern patterns on the ice inside the window with a view of the outside lavatory covered with icicles and winter jasmine. I have always had winter jasmine and have just bought one for my new home in the West Country.

[Hidden in reply to FredaE]

So many smiles at your memories FredaE, some of which I share. Especially the liberty bodice with it myriad of tiny rubber buttons. Do you remember cotton socks and how they would 'go to sleep'?

But you are quite right about how wonderfully comfortable we are now, by comparison. I do my share of grumbling, most recently on this forum about the state of the NHS, but it's as well to remember the stories my mum told me about families not being able to afford medical care of any kind, in pre NHS days. Hers was large, and but for the benevolence of the village doctor, mum, my grandparents and all nine of her siblings would have had to suffer their ailments in silence or deal with them with often ineffective home remedies. She so often spoke of his kindness in offering help for no payment. I was born alongside the start of the NHS and she never let me forget how lucky she felt to have had a hospital birth with no payment to be made.

I hope your winter jasmine will thrive FredaE, and give you much pleasure in the years to come.

[lell1 in reply to Hidden]

hey Callandersgal

Haven't heard of socks going to sleep for absolutely ages!! Took me straight back to those scuffed shoes that you would wipe on those very socks so that you wouldn't get told off for having messy shoes! For years my mum was telling me off for playing football in my school shoes, and I would adamantly deny it then get told off for telling fibs! Truth was, I was sitting with my ankles crossed behind me whilst sitting at the desk....never realised til years later!!

[Hidden in reply to lell1]

That really made me chuckle lell1

[Hellebelle in reply to FredaE]

Hi FredaE, you could write a book. What wonderful memories. I really enjoyed reading them.

[Hellebelle in reply to Lynd]

Great news Lynd that your husband is improving. All that hard work has paid off. Wishing you both well for the coming year.

[Lynd in reply to Hellebelle]

Thank you so much x

[Jennymary]

I saw, and ordered some, of my God daughters wedding pictures just before Christmas, Christmas day my sister and I went in to see mum, who is now in bed all the time and I very much doubt if I'll ever see her sit in a chair again, she's not eating and on the energy drinks and she can't string a sentence of words together, on the Saturday between Christmas and New year my sister had her birthday treat which was a trip to longleat, and yes, we did see the koalas, saw mum again new years eve and she was worse than Christmas day, my sister thinks it was due to being showered and having her hair washed, sadly a friend and former work colleague died suddenly in November so I went to his funeral a couple of weeks ago, in a couple of weeks time I've got an appointment about my osteoporosis which wasn't routinely offered to me, it was something I had to ask for, had an eye hospital appointment a couple of weeks before Christmas where I saw someone who really didn't know how to deal with my problems it finished with me being given a sheet of paper saying I'll be seen again in 4-6 months, GP letter says I'll be seen by a Dr in one month!!!!

[Hidden in reply to Jennymary]

Hi Jennymary,

Sorry to hear that you've mostly had downs, not ups, in the past few weeks. Especially sorry to hear of your mum's current condition. It is a heartache to see such deterioration in a loved one and my heart goes out to you.

On the plus side I'm sure you were so pleased to have seen and been able to order some pictures of your goddaughter's wedding. And also a lovely visit to Longleat. I hope the memories of that will sustain you for a while. Thank goodness that life does sometimes send us some little pleasures when life's particularly tough.

It's such a struggle now to get appointments with GPs. I think we all have to retrain our brains not to expect the really good service we all enjoyed in the past, because the system truly is broken beyond control. And it's a terrible waste of an appointment when whoever we have our appointment with, can't or doesn't help and you come away frustrated and unsure what the way forward is. Sadly I can only commiserate, because there's no way around the problem for now, and probably for a very long time to come. That's if we ever get services back to where they should be for a developed and supposedly very wealthy country!

Anyway, I hope you'll be able to hang in there and I send very best wishes and love to you at this difficult time with your mum.

Thanks so much for checking in and giving us an update. x

[Lynd in reply to Jennymary]

These medical people can be very frustrating at times. Sorry about your mum. It must be very upsetting.

Take care.

[sassy59 in reply to Jennymary]

Thinking of you Jennymary and your dear mum too of course. Hold on to the good things that happen and I wish you well always. Xxx

[lell1 in reply to Jennymary]

GROWL!! Sometimes it seems that everyone is working against you and it would be soooo nice for someone to look after you for a change huh? Can only send you my thoughts and hope that things pick up for you real soon!

[cameoboy11]

Hi I have a brilliant doctor who sent me to see a neuoroĺogìst inìtiaĺly. I live in mullion . Cornwall. Jo

[Lynd in reply to cameoboy11]

A lovely place to live.

Discovered cornwall fifty years ago and never tire of visting.

[Hellebelle]

Hi, thank you for your post. I have been off the radar a bit since my dad went into the hospice. It was for symptom control as he is having so many problems with his swallow. He looked really poorly and we thought he wouldn't come out again but was discharged home yesterday.

He is still very poorly with his neurological condition, but he is amazingly strong.

I have enjoyed all of your comments. You are a marvellous bunch and I feel blessed that I am a member of the forum. Wishing everyone some joy in 2020.

[Hidden in reply to Hellebelle]

Hi Hellebelle,

Glad to hear from you again on the forum. It does happen at times that we have to pull back from the forum through the pressures of caring. It's far from easy. But it's really encouraging to hear that your dad is doing better, and, better than you expected, too. I hope that continues, even though he is still very poorly.

Thanks for the kind words and thanks in return to you, too for your active interest in the group. You are a very valued member. Very best wishes and I hope that life will be kind to you in 2020.