HELP SOSOSOSOSOS

[magic1309]

Hi there my mum is in a care home just now , but myself and the family have noticed serious issues that we want to move my mum out , she has vascular dementia but has some capacity, but is refusing to move, I'm now at the end of my tether and just don't know what to do.

[Hidden]

It would probably be better not to move her unless she is in danger there. Those with dementia do not take change easily. I would firstly talk to the manager of the home and tell him/her of your concerns and see if they can find a way of dealing with them. If this is not successful, take it further. If the home is part of a group, contact the head office and insist on a meeting, if they are obstructive tell them that you are contacting the Care Quality Commission who have the authority to demand change. Maybe you can improve things without needing to move her.

I would also contact Social Services and tell them of your concerns. If she is self funding and you have power of attorney over her health and wellbeing, make them aware of your desire to move her and ask for their help. If she is funded by the local authority, moving her may be more difficult and you need to make sure that they know of the issues you have found.

I have had the same problem with my mother but several of us who had family members in the home got together and had a meeting with the top managers at the home and insisted that change was made. Mum is still there, several years later and things have improved a lot.

Hope this helps.

[Hidden]

Hi magic1309,

That’s distressing for you. Refreshing my memory by reading several of your previous posts I see that you also had a few issues with your mum’s carers when she was cared for at home, so I think in your shoes I’d weigh up the pros and cons of trying to move her too quickly.

A lot would depend on what your issues are. You haven’t elaborated but it maybe isn’t safety and welfare issues if your mum is reluctant to leave. Is it anything you could resolve via a meeting with her Home’s management?

In any event, and given your previous difficulties with her home carers I think I’d like to make quite sure there is a proper package of care in place if you want to bring her home.

If on the other hand you’d like a change of Care Home, the ease with which you can do that may depend on how her care is funded.

I hope you are able to find a resolution. I know this sort of situation can cause a great deal of stress. Do let us know how you get on. Best wishes.

[Tugun]

Hi,

Do you know why she is refusing to move. Is she in pain somewhere or does she feel unsafe on her feet? The other thing is to stay a few hours at different times of the day and see what happens and how she is and perhaps what activities they have for her there. Maybe join some of the activities. That way you can see how she is fitting in and what kind of problems she has.

My Mum went in just for respite and as she is a wanderer at night, I stayed in a chair over night. The first night I arrived late (after 11:00pm). She had already had difficulties. This actually worked out well for us as they were more agreeable to my staying. Some no longer allow this but it is good to know how things work at different times of the day. You would get a better feel of what is happening by going for a few hours at different times or get someone else in the family to do the same thing. Share it. It would help you r Mum fit in as well.

The doctor sung this home's praises but what you see on a short visit when everyone is looking after the "doctor" is not what necessarily happens normally.

Luckily we were able to keep Mum at home until the end. However I know that Nursing Homes, as much as they try, are still understaffed and sometimes with people who need a lot more training and patience. It's difficult to look after dementia patients which is why you need people who are caring, tolerant and patient.

Also check if she is eating. Often that gets left behind in the time stakes.

[sassy59]

You’ve had great replies magic and I hope they help. Dementia is so difficult to deal with. My late mother in law had vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s and it was a terrible time for her and the family.

I hope things improve for your mum and I wish you all well. Xxxxx

[Hellebelle]

Hi what a difficult time for you. You have had some excellent advice from the members so I can't add anything to it, just to say I really hope it resolves in the near future.

Sending lots of love.

[magic1309]

Thanks for all your replys and helpful suggestions , things are too bad and serious now , mum had a fall recently in the home it wasn't logged or I wasn't informed I am the next of kin and also power of attorney. That's just the tip of the iceberg , mum still has some capacity but she can't comprehend she is at risk. Yeah they never seem to have enough staff on duty , so they can't cope . She is getting assessed on Monday coming so I'm still going to let that go ahead. Regards James