My half sister recently wrote to me and said that it seems her mother may have dementia , I just wondered what happens , my sister has just had a baby so her Mum will not be able to babysit but who will look after her mother?
The mother has no money to speak of
I used to do care work. nothing to do with my question but I just thought I would mention it
Ask her doctor for a referral to social services. She will then get a care assessment to see what she needs in the way of help. Also, check with her local library to find out what groups there are in the area. We have dementia cafes, singing groups, skittles, keep fit, etc all for people with dementia to keep them as mentally fit as possible. Maybe your half sister could take her once to these things so that she gets to know others there.
Thank you for responding , she is refusing to go to the doctors though , it came as quite a shock, no one seems to know what causes dementia do they ?
Thanks again for taking the time to respond
She is probably afraid of what they might tell her. If you phone and ask for the referral she will probably be ok when they come to see her as they can reassure her that there is plenty of help available. Most people with dementia are in denial about what is wrong with them but many people lead long and active lives before the illness has too much impact and there is medication that is available in the early stages that slows the progression of the disease if she will see a proper specialist. Good luck, hope all goes well.
Hi lillyofthevalley37,
I see that this seems to be your first post in the Care Community, so a warm welcome to you.
You say that your half sister thinks that her mum may have dementia of some kind. I think that as it's not a confirmed diagnosis, it would be a great first step to encourage your sister, together with her mum, to try to seek that. That's because it's always of great help to have a GP on board when it comes to obtaining further help, now or in the future.
For sure it's never been harder to get any sort of help that might be needed, but once there is a diagnosis your sister will be able to ask for a social services assessment for her mother, to ascertain what help is needed. Her local Authority will be responsible for that, and there is sometimes a bit of a wait. What's available depends a good deal on what level of dementia is present at the time of the assessment, and it could be that, initially at least, it might only amount to some kind of financial benefit, but, as the disease progresses, any social and medical help will be considered too.
Your general knowledge of how Care works, based on your previous employment, might well be useful to your sister in all sorts of ways, and I'm sure it's of help to have someone who has worked on the inside of the system, to give support.
Very best wishes to you and I hope you can help your sister find her way forward.
Thank you for the warm welcome and good advice
Lot of doctors won’t go against wish of patients ALSO don’t like to dx early onset dementia.
There issues we had with my dad he refused to see doctors ... we was advised to take a video of issues we had clearly NOT happy as video seem final and no coming back
Anyway took over and police was involved AND they left bitter taste as police controllers did not pass on my dad had medical conditions and was in crisis.
Lucky for us coppers knew when they arrived Controlors could not relay msg .... that’s when dad was took to hospital and referred to mental health teams AND to be fair he as had best treatment understanding from them GPS district nurses waste of time
Thanks for your help hope your Dad is ok
Even if your mother won't go to the doctor you can still raise a safe-guarding concern with social services about your half sister's mother - or your half sister can. The response of social services can be very patchy though. It isn't in anyway an admission that your half sister's mother isn't being well treated at the moment but is about getting her the help she needs.
You and your sister may want to contact Age UK as they may be able to advice on what you can do about allowances. Your half sisters mother will qualify for attendance allowance if she particularly if she has a formal diagnosis though filling out the form is very repetitive and you do have to provide as much detail as you can eg about ways in which her mother isn't able to look after herself - and you can download a form from the DWP website.
Your sister should also think about sorting out power of attorney as this will make things much easier once her mother is no longer able to manager her own affairs - Age UK should also be able to help and advise on this.
If she has a formal diagnosis of dementia and is receiving attendance allowance then she should also apply for exemption from council tax for herself and her carer - Age UK should also be able to help advise on that.
Thank you for all that
Hi, I think everyone replying has given you some great advice. It can be very frightening for the person whom is suffering with dementia symptoms and a lot of people don't want a formal diagnosis. However, as others have said, there are some advantages to getting a formal diagnosis. This is accessed through the GP who can refer her to the memory service, if this hasn't already been done. They will do a series of assessments, possibly a brain scan to help with diagnosis and also give information about sources of help and organisations that organise activities for people with dementia. They can also advise on medication that might help, depending on the type of dementia she is diagnosed with.
Also, as others have said, a referral to social services for a care needs assessment will highlight those areas where help is needed. I would advise that your step sister or another family member is there when this is done as her mother might not have insight into her difficulties and the Social Services will not have a clear picture of what is needed.
Thank you so much for your good advice
Hi there, you will definitely need a referral from your doctor for Social Services if she has no funds. If she owns her own property that will be deemed as her "Assets" and may be taken into consideration if she needs any future Care Home residency . If you look back on my posts on here you will see that there is a lot of help out there and that I have talked in depth about Continuous Health Care, which your sister's mum won't need just yet but the whole Dementia issue is a minefield. I have been my mum's full time live in Carer for 8 years nearly and I can assure you this is a long and very stressful road that has no cure. She needs all the information she can get hold of. Alzheimer's Society are great for initial help and information on where to go for help etc. Has she claimed Cares Allowance and Attendance Allowance. This assuming that a full diagnosis has been obtained?
No dx yet she doesn't want to go to the doctors she rents her home , my half sister has moved away from her mother's and has just had a baby
I will read your posts Lorrainemally thank you for responding
It's very difficult if she refuses to go to the doctors. It's a form of denial because it's very frightening for her to admit it could be dementia. My mum asked me to go with her about 6 months before she had a fall which resulted in the hospital confirming she did have Alzhiemers , we think she may have had either a TIA or a seizure which resulted in a fall off the sofa trying to close curtains behind, I'm afraid these are what to expect as she gets wirse. Google the stages of Alzhiemers/dementia as a guide to what to expect . That was what kicked off this horrible journey 8 years ago. The Dementia people think she may have had it a few years before as well which is the case with all sufferers. The doctors, the Alzhiemers Society, district nurses, are the people to contact who will help get an assessment. Without that you can't access help im afraid. Lots of luck and hope all goes well
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