A happy new year?

Hi All,

As the last couple of days of 2019 are playing out I wonder if there is anyone else out there who isn't a great fan of the 'New Year hullaballoo'?

I'm not 'bah humbug' and if you're someone who loves it, that's fine by me. But I've just never really got it. Sure, I've often wished fervently for a better new year, or sent out blanket greetings to all for a 'happy' new year. But that's only a convention because happy is such a subjective word, and life's too unpredictable to have any chance of sending us a completely happy year.

I prefer to live my life in much smaller chunks and I can't see the waiting year as the first page in a brand new diary, but just a continuation of last year's, carrying with it some of the problems, hopes and fears that still remain in it. And problems take time and energy. We can't cast them off at the stroke of midnight. So I don't make any fuss of the dying moments of the old year.

But that doesn't mean I don't wish myself, and all of you, the best year that 2020 can be. I know for lots of us the new year will continue to have all sorts of huge challenges, so I just wish everyone the fortitude to deal with whatever comes our way. And to say let's remember to grab hold of any happy moments that do arise as the new year progresses and truly appreciate and enjoy them.

It's been a huge pleasure to have shared your posts in 2019 and I hope we'll continue to thrive as the wonderful support group we are, in 2020.

Good luck everyone!

[Bella395]

Good post Callendersgal. I too don’t subscribe to the new year hullabaloo. Through being a carer I have learned that it doesn’t do to look too far ahead so I just deal with the here and now if at all possible. TBH the thought of the new year ahead doesn’t give me much optimism. However, I wish all the members of this community all that they would wish for themselves in 2020.

[Hidden in reply to Bella395]

Absolutely Bella395. I think we just have to enjoy the fleeting moments of happiness that life sends us and just cope with the rest!

[Jacki66 in reply to Bella395]

I agree with you about this. Unfortunately, as carers we all too often have to carry such a heavy burden that it's really difficult to see any light at the end of the tunnel. But, you never know, perhaps this is going to be a fantastic 2020. Let's keep chatting on here and see who comes on first with good news.

[sassy59]

We’re on the same page Callendersgal as I don’t quite get all the new year hullabaloo either. Pete and I have each other and are happy just to get as much sleep as possible. No staying up until midnight that’s for sure.

On 1/1/2020 Pete will still be in pain and nothing will have changed.

Well that’s me finished moaning.

Happy new year xxxxxx

[Hidden in reply to sassy59]

I'm so glad I have company sassy59! And who doesn't enjoy a blooming good moan? But of course I wish you both every happiness you can find in 2020, and I hope that Pete's pain will at least be bearable. Every good wish to you and yours. xxxxxx

[sassy59 in reply to Hidden]

Same to you and thank you. Xxxx

[Lynd]

Morning everyone

When I was younger I used to love New Year. Always did something, either go out or have people round. These days we do not have much energy so do not do much. Last year we had a glass of wine as the cathedral bells rang in the New Year and I suppose you do in a way look for a fresh start.

Being a carer has had me more prone to depression and anxiety. We all have had to cope with coming to terms with a changed life. I hardly recognise myself these days. The old me has gone but this new year I want to try and reinstate a few of the things I used to do. (endless medical appointments allowing).

I think all of us carers are pretty wonderful really and deserve the very best of everything in the New Year.

Happy New Year to all of us x

[sassy59 in reply to Lynd]

Happy new year Lynd. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Lynd]

Hi Lynd,

I'm so glad you are going to try to 'find yourself' again to some extent in the coming year. As you say, it's really easy to find yourself in anxiety and depression when you are a caregiver.

Carers are wonderful, selfless people, but even though it's really hard to find the time to renew old interests, it's really worth the effort needed to at least try. So wishing you success with that, and blessings to both of you to sustain you both through the tough times. x

[FredaE]

I agree with you. I can see the point of celebrating the winter solstice and the return of the sun but new Year is just a date really. Anyway whatever you celebrate - have as good a time as you can everybody

[Jennymary]

I agree that new year is very over rated, I'll be in bed early, as I always am, but won't sleep due to all the fireworks going off, I wish you all a happy and healthy 12 months from January - December 2020 (just another way of putting it) xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to Jennymary]

Thanks Jennymary, I hope that 2020 will be kind to you too. x

[XSitch38]

Agree with you all. Leigh is usually working so we never see new year in, and aren't at all bothered. I had a moment yesterday when we were walking the dog when tears fell because of losing mom, but we got out as a couple and celebrated Leigh's 60th with a visit to Powis Castle which we thoroughly enjoyed. I am still suffering with my anxiety since mom left, and I think it will take time to adjust and get my oomph back. Eight years must have taken its toll. Caring is hard but so rewarding most of the time, and we are so glad we were able to keep mom with us until the end. Another reason why it's been so difficult to adjust as so many memories here. Wishing you all good times and peaceful moments during the next year. Best wishes.

[Hidden in reply to XSitch38]

It’s more than OK to let the tears fall whenever we need, after we lose someone dear to us, and yes, it takes a huge adjustment after caring for someone else’s needs ahead of your own for so long. Don’t rush things. Let yourself mourn and learn to care for yourself once again.

The huge reward of Caring is the sense of peace and love you eventually feel, knowing you did all that you could for the one you cared for. Blessings to you for 2020, and best wishes.

[XSitch38 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much x

[FredaE in reply to XSitch38]

Carers are running on adrenaline for so long that there is bound to be a reaction but things do get better. You find yourself remembering something funny that happened and laughing at it and realise that first you are starting to heal and that you will keep on remembering the good things and that made me feel a lot better - I don't know about anyone else.

[XSitch38 in reply to FredaE]

Thank you for that. I make too much adrenaline anyway, but always felt 'fully charged' whilst caring for mom, especially with so many people in and out of the house. Had another cry today while dog walking, and I feel better for that. Only carers can understand the feelings of carers x

[Hidden in reply to FredaE]

I definitely agree FredaE. That first moment when you manage to share a laugh is very special. There's so much comfort in realising that you can still laugh and that there will be many more moments when you'll do that in future.

[Baileyboo]

Hi Callendersgal

You have summed up my take on New Year.

Even when Les was still with me we went to bed as normal at 10.00 pm. There has never been a magical change on 1st January in previous years so I don't expect a change in 2020.

A lot of people enjoy a party or pub crawl on 31st December and I know they have a good time. I sound totally against the celebrations. I'm not at all.

Happy New Year to all (I do mean it honestly)

Love and hugs

Pat xx

[Hidden]

Hi Pat, I can’t tell you how cheered up I am that so many people, including your good self, feel similarly to me. And I too genuinely hope that everyone continues to find happiness where and whenever they can. Love to you too. Xx

[Midori]

I prefer an early night, after the Christmas hooha. At my age I need my sleep!

[Hidden]

Sounds like a plan Midori!

[lell1]

Hi callenersgal, and everyone else! All points are the way I feel about "new" year! It's only new whilst the bells are ringing, and then it's 'this' year! Have never seen the point of getting 'blind' drunk in order to 'see' the new year in? As u all say, it exists on a continuum, with no miracles at midnight, if u were to change your outlook (which I fear is just an unnecessary twist of your own mind) you would no longer be u! So, sod the new year, we will work with what we are given and at some points there will b little pockets of memories to cherish. We have this community, we can support, we can advise, we can have a laugh together. Together we can

[Hidden in reply to lell1]

Hi lell1. We can and we will continue doing what we do and support each other and often with a smile or a laugh. Together we definitely can!

[FredaE]

I shall be leaving France on the 2nd Jan and coming coming back to the UK to be reunited with my new partner on Saturday after our Christmases with our families so thats when my new year celebration will be this year

[Lynd]

Well we got through New Years Eve.

I normally cook a beef joint New Years day but guess who forgot to take it out the freezer??☺

So we have survived on using up all the left over Christmas goodies.

Next will have to pack up our lovely Christmas decorations. Always feel a bit sad doing this.

Take care everybody.

[Hidden in reply to Lynd]

Oh dear Lynd, the best laid plans...... Never mind, it's good to get rid of some of the leftovers! I'm like you with the decorations. It does feel sad after all the excitement of putting them up in the pre-Christmas hustle and bustle. Mine are due for the same thing tomorrow. I can't leave them hanging around for 12th night like my mum used to. (Oh happy memories. She used to strip the tree then and take down the paper chains we'd so excitedly made every year, then make us an afternoon tea to end the celebrations which we ate in front of the fire. Oh dear, that's suddenly brought a tear to my eye, but a happy one!)

But the minute my decorations are put away, I put my coat on, have a brisk walk to blow away the cobwebs and buy a bunch of spring flowers. Spring's still a long way away, but somehow the flowers cheer me up and remind me it will arrive sooner or later.

Take care too.

[Lynd in reply to Hidden]

A happy tear at a lovely memory.

We are lucky to have those moments to cherish and remember.

Night night x

[secrets22]

I do prefer new year to Christmas,i find Christmas lacking in all that its supposed to be,and we always treated Christmas like a normal Sunday.

A new year brings hope for a year devoid of heartache and pain,and although I dont hold my hopes up to far,it is a chance of renewal and new beginnings.

May Gods blessings be with you all throughout 2020.

[Lynd in reply to secrets22]

God bless you too x