Ongoing saga with my Dad he’s now in hospital and they are trying to discharge him back to his flat with inadequate care
They will not give him a continuous Healthcare Assessment
They are going to get SS to reassess him with the view to still sending him back to his flat but with 4 carers a day
He has a catheter and he has no idea when he needs the toilet so it’s often an explosion in his pants
However this is not classed as a medical need
If this happens in between a carers visit he will have to wait dirty and soiled until someone can get to him
I have been that someone but I am at the end of my tether with cleaning my own dads bottom and helping him with all the mess that ensues
He has a raft of things wrong with him for which they give no treatment because of his age
Because he is fully composed mentis and he presents well they just want him out of their hair
I am giving up the fight I can’t do it any more
He is 94 years young
He is registered blind he has very limited sight due to macular degeneration and can not recognise people or see if his clothes are dirty or wash himself
He is very very deaf which make communication not impossible but difficult
He has a massive biingual hernia which weighs very heavy and makes him stoop
They will not do anything about that as it’s too dangerous to operate he wouldn’t survive
He has permanent AF
He has an massive aortic aneurysm which could burst at any time
His heart is enlarged
He now has a permanent catheter fitted
They sent him home with no follow ups arranged and no one would help when the top of the catheter started leaking
The district nurse came and said it’s the hospitals responsibility she didn’t even examine him just said nice to meet you both sorry I cannot help
So on Friday after a huge leak I had to get him back to the A&E where everyone tried to say it what someone else’s responsibility
Eventually they admitted him to assessment ward where they found his catheter was blocked he had an infection and he was very dehydrated
They moved him to a ward unblocked the catheter gave him antibiotics and decided they were going to discharge him
I have point blank refused to allow them to do that so they are arranging a SS reassessment but not a continuous Healthcare Assessment because he is presenting well therefore he doesn’t need healthcare
I’m 64 and there is no way I am going to go through all that we have, I will decide my fate long before I get left in an unmanageable situation with no where to turn to and no one willing to assist
Pull my bootstraps up and try to carry on my poor poor Dad
Written by
FOXLEW
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi FOXLEW, I do so intensely dislike this pass-the-buck age we seem to be living in. Your poor dad clearly needs continuous healthcare as his needs are many.
Please don’t give up but do stress very loudly how your needs also have to be taken into account as you are struggling to cope. You’ve done your best but enough is enough. If anything happened to you where would that leave your dad.
I do wish you well and best regards to your dad. Xxxxx
Hi FOXLEW, I did attempt to reply to your message some minutes ago, but it seems not to have posted. If by some means you have seen it, I apologise for responding again, and really I just wanted to endorse all that sassy59 has said.
You are in an impossible position with a vulnerable dad of 94 and obviously you don't want to feel you are falling short in his care, but you can't do it all. I'd suggest, as sassy59 has done, that you keep on trying with all means at your disposal to get the help you so badly need. It's exhausting on its own, trying to do that, and you probably feel it's too difficult to achieve anything whilst just exhausting yourself trying, but it's probably the only thing that will work for you.
Thinking of you and I hope that you'll feel strong enough to soldier on. Very best wishes.
Wrapped in this reply is lots of strength and good wishes, based on what you've posted about your dad he needs to be in a care home, when mum went into care 2 yrs ago I looked upon it as her going to the carers instead of them going to the house 3 or 4 times a day, so perhaps you could put that to your dad, also visit your GP as they may be able to help you with your issues, and remember, if dad does go into care, you'll still be able to visit but as his daughter not a carer, wishing you, dad and everyone else in the family well xxx
Thank you jennymary he totally agrees that he wants to go to our carehome where we live and many of his friends are there so the whole family and Dad will stand firm on this I will not allow him to be sent to his flat
If he can’t get Chc he will lose all his pension to pay for the carehome and he will get only pocket money if about £25.90 per week, but if I can get chc for him he will keep his pension but whatever the outcome this has to be
I don't fully understand the complexities of moving into a care home but when mum went into care it was based on her medical needs, and the bulk of her fees being funded (long story but we're having probs with the council over a balance that mum needs to pay each month), so, hopefully, if it's decided that dad needs a care home based on medical issues he may not have to find it all himself
Hi, I am afraid this seems very common and I am so sorry this is happening to your dad. People should not be treated like this.
I just wondered if you had contacted CHC directly and asked for their advice? It does seem that he has medical needs but they should be able to clarify the criteria for you. Also, it's so hard to do this on your own and many councils offer support from an independent person who will help you to complete applications etc. Contact citizens advice or age UK who should be able to point you in the right direction. I would also go to your GP as he/she will also be able to support your application. Don't pull any punches, tell them you are at the end of your tether and although you dearly love your dad, this is making you ill. You would be able to be a daughter rather than a carer if your father was cared for in residential care . Good luck and please let us know how you get on. Helen x
Thank you Helen I am going to try and get the GP to write in support of him getting CHC and looking at how to provide evidence and proof that he is unsafe in his flat and they have a duty of care towards him
In the 1980s all the Geriatric Hospitals and Psychiatric Hospitals run by the NHS were closed in favour of 'Care in the Community'.
This has led to the increase of Geriatric and Mental Care Homes in the private sector proliferating, and costs rising. The Government cutbacks of Local Government funding for these homes has resulted in the currently diabolical situation.
I truly wish you well in your efforts on behalf of your father, the situation is cruel in the extreme to both him and you. As you get older, you will be less able to care for your Father, and this is what the NHS was set up for. Government has seen it as an opportunity to take what little is available.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Dad not going to survive
Dementia Tax
