Life After Dementia for the carer.

[secrets22]

Staying strong is not easy,and i have remained strong now for eight months,and for several years before,but its all becoming untenable,i am consumed with anxiety dealing with so much legal jargon,i swear i will end up with a breakdown,it is continuous and unrelenting.There is only so much one can take,especially when its not your forte,The reams of papers/letters/taxes is impossible to understand,of course my solicitor and accountant do as much as they can,but the ultimate decisions are personal and are mine alone,so basically i am beyond help,or i need a labotomy.

David was an extremely clever and accomplished man and i miss his advice ,and any troubles he would sort out for me,gosh do i miss him.

I know if i get through all of this ,all i want is a simple life.

Of course life will always throw up obstacles,but they are generally managable and not soul destroying.

If David knew what i'm going through he would have made it all much simpler,but he did'nt know he was going to be struck down with such a cruel disease.

But saying all this,i have a home,and i have food on the table,and i am grateful for what i do have,even if at times i dont appear to appreciate these things.

Life goes on,and life is worth any struggles we might encounter,and there is an end to anquish,and there is a new beginning.

Throughout good times and bad my faith has pulled me through,I am not overly religious,but i do believe in a greater power.

[Hidden]

Bereavement after the death of a life partner is just horrible isn't it secrets22? I suffered in a similar way when my first husband suddenly left me after 26 years of marriage and in a complete mess with family finances, losing my home etc. All you want it to do is to stop so that you can 'get back to normal'. Just like adjusting to covid19, all we want it to do is be over, and it can't be over. And therein lies the root of the problem. Somehow we have to just put one foot in front of the other no matter how difficult with that ever present feeling that you don't want to have to do it.

The poem I'm reproducing below helped me a lot. I don't know if it will provide any comfort for you, but it's worth a try, when real solutions to your pain aren't available.

LOOK TO THE FUTURE AND BRIGHTER DAYS AHEAD

Sometimes it seems like the world is crumbling around us, and we can't go on.

But those are the times when we most need to look to the future, to hold on to our faith and hope, and to each other.

One of the hardest things to accept is the realization that things that make no sense to us now may never make any sense, but life will go on anyway - with no explanations or apologies, and that we somehow survive the changes thrust upon us.

We even manage to grow...

But nothing grows without rain, so when it begins to pour, let it flow,

And when the storm has passed, let it go.

Be kind to yourself; ask for what you need. You are not alone. -KerryMcCaskill- (from the book 'Life Can Be Hard Sometimes... but It's Going to Be Okay)

Of course it's not a cure for all that you are going through. Only time can help with that.

Take not one day at a time, nor even one hour at a time, but a moment at a time, secrets22. It's a rough road after the loss of a life partner, but looking back now, I see that I have survived and found new happiness and I know that one day, you will too. Take care and thinking of you. 🙏

[sassy59 in reply to Hidden]

A beautiful, heartfelt reply Callendersgal and love the special words in that poem. Xxx😘💕

[sassy59]

I feel that being strong can be almost impossible at times and your strength has been severely tested. I really hope you can find some help with all the paperwork. It sounds overwhelming.

Of course you miss David, he was there by your side for so many years but you are trying to live your life as best as you can. Life does indeed go on.

It’s good to have faith secrets, we all need that right now. I wish you well and may your faith bring you some strength.

Take care xxxxx😘

[secrets22 in reply to sassy59]

thank you so much,it means a lot.

[secrets22 in reply to sassy59]

thank you sassy59....indeed it does become overwhelming,and the aloneness is hard,but i know i am not alone,so many are struggling .

i wish you all good wishes.x

[sassy59 in reply to secrets22]

You take care dear secrets. Xxx😘

[Lynd]

You have been through so much Secrets.

I can totally relate to having to adapt to coping with just about everything.

Single people are used to it I guess and maybe wonder what the fuss is all about but I just sometimes come to a grinding halt because I haven't got a clue what I am doing. Trying to deal with my Husband's various pensions and a tax return for capital gains is driving me insane because I just don't know the answers is driving me insane. Plus three hospital appointments for this week and all the other stuff.

I know people have worse to deal with but sometimes your mind gets so crowded......

Stay strong, these things will pass x

[secrets22 in reply to Lynd]

Oh gosh yes Lynd,it is indeed a nightmare.But how are things going now for you and your husband....i know its been difficult.x

[Lynd in reply to secrets22]

We are not too bad thanks Secrets x