No food

[fallen_leaf]

My aunt was finally placed in hospice yesterday. I haven’t had a chance to go there to see her. My mom went and tells me she talked to the doctor who says they aren’t feeding my aunt!?! Is this right? The representative told me that she would be bowl fed through the peg in her stomach rather than fluids or whatever. But now the doctor is saying it’s a matter of time and she won’t be getting food because it doesn’t do her any good anyway?! I m calling tomorrow to clarify but now I’m too upset.

[fallen_leaf]

I called the place and they said the doctor ordered no food bc of fear of aspiration. So did I just send my aunt to hospice to die? What about a nursing home?

[FredaE in reply to fallen_leaf]

Aspiration means food going down into the lungs and causing fatal pneumonia and that will happen wherever she is I am afraid. The only reason for moving her to a nursing home would be if she would be more comfortable for what are clearly and sadly her last days and that will have to be weighed against the trauma of another move.

[Hidden]

How would your aunt feel about this? Sometimes letting someone go in peace is the best thing we can do for them. There comes a time when the body can no longer go on and the kindest thing is to let them go in the nicest, most peaceful and painfree way possible. Is your aunt conscious? Can she let you know what she would like to happen? If not, it may be that letting the hospice help her to live her last few days in comfort would be the best thing you can do for her. Obviously you would like to keep her with you as long as possible as you love her, but maybe this is not what is the right thing to do for her. Speak to the doctors, let them know your fears and listen to what they are telling you. Hospice doctors are so knowledgeable about end of life care. So sorry that it has come to this point for you all but she is a lucky lady to have you caring for her. Let her know that you are there for her, spend as much time with her for these last few days and let her go gently and peacefully.

[Hidden]

Hi fallen_leaf,

Sadly the news on your aunt really isn't getting any more encouraging and it might be time to face the difficult fact that she really is nearing the end of her life.

I think it's always just as well to hear second-hand information (i.e. that from your mom and not directly from those caring for her) with just a tiny note of caution. If you were shocked at this recent news, your mom might have been too, and too shocked to register exactly what was being said to her with regard to your aunt.

If your aunt is being fed by peg, it will be because she is now too frail to be able to get nourishment by mouth and in this way the hospice is still providing her with sustenance that is actually helping to keep her alive.

Whether that is actually the most sensible and humane thing is for all of you, her family, to decide in conjunction with those health professionals looking after her.

Thinking of you at this sad and difficult time.

[sassy59]

Just want to say I’m thinking of you at this sad and difficult time. Xxx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi fallen_leaf, we are all thinking of you at this sad and difficult time. As exhausted wife has posted, let her know you are there for her and spend as much time with her as you can. Thinking of you and your family.

[Hellebelle]

Hi, this is so very difficult for you all and I am so sad to hear of your distress. I think as others have said, it would be helpful to express your fears to the hospice doctors who can then explain their plan for your aunt.

Probably the most important thing is to let her know you love her and to just be there when you can. Holding a person's hand and gently talking to them can be very comforting to them. If your aunt is conscious you could ask if she would like to listen to a CD of music or an Audio book or perhaps she would like you to read to her?

It's such an emotional time for all and I wish you lots of love and strength.

[lell1]

Hi fallen_leaf. Allow yourself to feel grief, without thoughts of being able to extend this horrible experience. Be there for your mum, be there for your aunt, and something that a lot of us forget, be kind to yourself too. Everything comes to an end, and sometimes we are lucky enough to be able to prepare ourselves, and to help those who are facing their final days. It is incredibly hard in situations like your own to not do things that would, in other situations help people to recover. Your aunt knows that she is leaving you, and your mum. Just keeping her company for this final step may be all that she needs from you.