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Adult Social Services - the elderly - can anyone offer some insight?

sueper profile image
sueper

Hi,

I really don't know if there is anyone who can help me with this but I thought I'd give this forum a try.

I'm looking for some insight as to what involvement SS might have with an elderly person. I can't find much online.

The elderly person is my mother who has for sometime clearly have some health issues but despite my lest efforts and those of my siblings we've not managed to get her or her husband to take it seriously. I spoke to her GP who said if she has dementia then not much can be done, it's just a death sentence etc. He did arrange a brain scan for her which she said was fine which I cannot believe. She has obvious cognitive problems on her left side - messages not coming form the brain?

Anyway, on Monday she fell down twice requiring paramedics twice. On the first occasion she refused to go to hospital despite the paramedics advice who were very concerned for her. They however arrange for social services to attend who I'm told will be installing handrails etc. On the 2nd fall she has no choice but to go into hospital (after being on the floor for 7 hours & in desperate need of a pee!).

What I want to know is if social services are likely to do anything else & is it normal to call them in just to put in handrails?

There are clearly significant problems & in my view she cannot safely stay in her home but I simply cannot get her or her husband to see sense (I've been banging on about if for years now).

Anyway, any insider knowledge would be really helpful. I do have the SS contact info & I know the hospital are asking lots of probing questions (she's still in), so things may finally improve.

TIA

11 Replies
sassy59 profile image
sassy59Ambassador

Hello sueper, you ask a very interesting question. I’m sure social services can do quite a bit for elderly people so let’s hope your dear mum gets that help.

It is very difficult to get elderly people to accept that things aren’t going as well as they should. So many are fiercely independent.

I hope your mum recovers well and realised she needs help. Do let us know how things go.

Take care xxxxx

sueper profile image
sueper in reply to sassy59

Thanks. I am hopeful, even if the news is not good hopefully she'll get the help she needs.

sassy59 profile image
sassy59Ambassador in reply to sueper

I’m thinking of you all. Xxx

Callendersgal profile image
CallendersgalAdministrator

Hi sueper, It's a worry I know, particularly with falls and I'm glad that your mum's going to get a social services assessment. They are usually pretty thorough, and try to look at the situation as a whole. I'm sure your input, or that of your siblings would be taken into consideration when they do the assessment.

It's particularly hard when the person concerned isn't really aware (or is in denial of a problem). You can help there too, but repeating gently that the danger from falling needs to be addressed.

Gosh your mum's GP didn't mince his words, did he? I've never heard a medical professional putting things quite that bluntly and it's really not helpful.

I do hope that you will get some practical advice on your way forward. You may not get the perfect package for your mum, but I think that social services can do more than just install hand rails! Do let us know how things go!

sueper profile image
sueper in reply to Callendersgal

Thanks so much. Looks like she maybe moved to a rehab hospital so that's a step in the right direction. She obviously can't have visitors and the doctors are not in touch with my stepdad so currently we have no idea what's going on. We'll let the hospital get on with it for a while then start pressing for more info.

assuming you are in the UK then Social Services do have a duty of care and anyone can report a concern. There was some modification of local council's duty of care at the start of COVID-19.

Suggest you contact citizen's advice

citizensadvice.org.uk/

sueper profile image
sueper in reply to Gambit62

Thanks.

Hello Sueper, glad your mum is at least in hospital for assessment. Many things are not going well since lockdown in March. I managed to get an assessment of changed needs, but there is very little else available unless its an emergency.

Normally in the case of falls an assessment of home circumstances and general health , plus emotional health such as progressive dementia , depression ect would be done however Covid 19 is taking high priority right now over all other emergencies.

Falls can be caused by varied things in an older person , make sure the hospital check your mum thoroughly as sadly your Gps comment is not far from the truth. My thoughts are with you and every best wish for a good outcome . Keep well & stay safe you will need all your strength to deal with this unexpected change.

sueper profile image
sueper in reply to katieoxo60

Thanks Katie. The hospital have now confirmed she has a cognitive impairment but no actual diagnosis & they are sending her to a rehab hospital so a step in the right direction I hope.

katieoxo60 profile image
katieoxo60 in reply to sueper

Sounds very positive at present . Every best Wish for a speedy outcome.

I have to say what you are going through and who you are trying to get help and support for is very similar to my own situation. My Mum has been displaying dementia like symptoms for roughly 6 years, very slowly gradually getting worse and becoming more vacant looking and her movements almost catatonic slow mo, Mum had a very bad fall 6 years ago but was already getting a bit concerningly enough forgetful she was seen by a&e but I wasn't there so don't know exactly what was done her whole face and all down her neck was black, blue and purple she looked like she had been beaten with a baseball bat, she went further down hill but not rapidlly just gradually but very concerningly her behaviour increasingly bizzare and very out of character, my dad has had significant illnesses but always says he is going to get Mum help but my dad because of his own illnesses some very recent has become egocentric, egotistical, irrational, prone to blowing up aggressively irrationally is highly stressed, angry, deluded and irrate. Iacks comprehension and rationality. Rants and rages at me, dictates to my Mum aggressively is so wound up and has possibly incurred brain damage through his serious life threatening illnesses. He is the one doing everything in their house, my son is resident in their house due to our home being full of black mold and damp that made him very ill and contributed towards me becoming critically ill expected to die in an induced coma. I rent our home from my parents cannot afford to move out, my son had to ggo to them through house making him extremely unwell and asthmatic. My parents kept promising to do the repairs, would start but not finish and 12 years later they remain unfinished due to all of our health issues. My dad should have hired people to do repairs but refuses. Saying he will do repairs but starts and leaves things unfinished. My health issues more significant than his yet no care shown I'm verbally abused by both parents who used to be loving kind caring parents. My son has not been with them 12 years. Dad had sepsis and heart valve infection nov 2018 - jan 2019 and this year seizures now on epilepsy medication. When he wrs in hospital with sepsis Mum had another fall smashing up same side of her face again and smashed in her cheekbone, took her a&e she was seen just briefly to check blood pressure before sent back into a&e to wait to be properly seen by doctor, dad was an inpatient but getting slightly better he met us in a&e it was a long wait but Mum knew this said prepared to wait, dad however feeling ill still realised he couldn't wait and needed to go back to his ward but rather than do the rational responsible thing of telling the truth of how he felt he started instead to keep on suggesting Mum go home and not be seen baring in mind her cheekbone was smashed up, she was very confused and had smashed up the same side of her face as last time again and black, blue, purple again and everybody waiting in a&e knew she needed to be seen. They were horrified by my dad's domineering irrational uncaring thoughtless reckless behaviour as he convinced her whilst calling her a taxi to go home saying if she felt unwell she could alwrys return next day knowing full well that is not my Mum's behaviour. My son and I were mortified we pleaded with Mum to stay and be seen but dad just ignored us and called a taxi because he wanted to eat the food he hrd sent mum out for earlier knowing already she possibly has dementia and was run off her feet from having had my son and dad extremely ill earlier that year with severe full where my dad lost his memory temporarily and had a suspected bleed on his brain whilst Mum was also dealing with being told I was in a coma expected to die so visiting me, and then later in the november of 2018 my dad getting sepsis and ordering Mum who was at home to go out by calling her from his hospital bed late at night in winter knowing she has potential undiagnosed dementia and doesn't like driving at night to go not into our local town but the next one to go pick him up Chinese food and is where Mum then had her fall and then expected her still to bring it to him no concern she needed hospitrl treatment, he just wanted the food selfish bastard! Then thinking of himself again More intrested in stuffing his face back on his ward and going back their to rest than the urgent care needs of his wife that she definitely required. Mum has not been the same since, refuses to see her gp, never returned to hospital to be properly checked over, that last fall increased her decline, and my dad claims he's helping her, he's doing nothing otherthan controlling her situation and not taking her to be seen or getting her the help she needs. Mum wears her clothes back to front, forgets to put on certain required clothing items, forgets time, doesn't do much in the house, wanders, paces, searches for things she doesn't even know what she's looking for, repeats herself consistantly but old memories are excellently preserved, she's irrational, aggressive, talks in stops and starts, uses strange words for certain items, lost her inhabitions, shouts and screams throws tantrums. Dad does almost everything but ended up having seizures end of august, dad controlls mum but isn't helping her, is preventing her being seen and tonight was completely irrational saying he knows what she's got, nothing can cure it so he's not taking her to be seen he was raging in my face spittle flying everywhere completely irrational he believes Mum has dementia, he is not a doctor and until a doctir diagnoses dementir he is putting Mum's life at risk. He is absolutely explosive and sice hrving his seizures become even more irrational and egotistical. Have tried offering my help with housework and shipping, I'm rebuffed and yelled at by dad and screamed at and nastily mocked by Mum both their characters and personalities manic and scary. My dad is actually psychotic. I have tried their gp practices for help, social services, help the aged, dementia uk, other organisations and am met with a wall everytime of if they don't ask for help themselves there is nothing they can do! Though how do you get two elderly ill irrational mentally and physically stubborn ignorant selfish deluded people who are ranting and raging psycotically when help is offered who have lost all ability to rationalise and all sensibilities and stability of mind has gone to see their GPS for the most pressing urgent issues they have. Yet my dad did take mum for her flu and shingles jab but fails to book her in for tne most pressing issue of her rapid decline thrt may not be dementia but brain injury ater falls that coincided with just backthen 6 1/2 years ago of Mum just experiencing age related issues before her first fall. I'm besides myself and don't know where to turn fir help. Mum will die if dad keeps up this controlling raging psycotic irrational behaviour. He is not the same person since sepsis and the recent seizures. Does rlmost everythihg in their house pertectly and now ensures if he is their that mum is dressed normally and fed, but he is a ticking explosive timebomb who cannot listen to reason or comprehend that Mum still needs to be assessed and he needs mental health support for his angry explosive ignorant triggered psycotic irrational behaviour, he is overwhelmed and so egotistical he cannot rdmit he is wrong and failing Mum as he thinks by ensuring Mum is fed, now dressed properly when he notices she isn't and that he's keeping the hiuse warm for her that he is doing everything right rnd rages at me when I say we need do get me seen despite when it suits him pousing his heart out to me rbout how forsied he is and hof he's going to get mum seen, yet it I dare mention my forsies rnd concerns about Mum, or them both he rages psycotically at me and it is very very unhinged and scary behaviour from him. Yet both my parents are good actors at pretending and charming, or my dad doing all the talking covering up Mum's severe plight and managing to disguise his own. I have tonight self referred him to iapt serveces as if he has requested the help himself as he's a loose cannon and a danger to us all as a family. When he isn't around hiding and covering up for Mum she is undressed wandering nakedr semi naked and almost no idea what she is or more what she has been doing. Dad says things but because of his own memory, health, mental health issues he denies every having said them and rages eyes bulging and red faced completely off his rocker in wild rage. Am calling the police if he goes off at me again as it is threatening irrational behaviour coming from them both actually. Completely cuckoo! 6 1/2 years and he claims to love his wife but represses her and does more harm than good for them both l know no husband or wife who sees their loved one regressing and ill who doesn't take action with a pnone call to their gp to get to the bottom of it.

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