I wish

[fallen_leaf]

My dad would get medical help for his volatile menta health. I wish my aunt was finally over her meningitis. I wish my mom was stronger physically so she didn’t have to rely on other people. Why didn’t they age gracefully like all these other senior citizens I see?

I dreamt my aunt just snapped out of it and came out of her semi conscious state. They want to move her to another facility I guess for insurance reasons to try to get her off ventilator. She has good days and bad and isn’t totally dependent but it will come to us having to decide to unplug her? I don’t know if I or my family can deal with that decision

[sassy59]

That’s such a difficult decision fallen_leaf but one that may have to be made at some point.

Ageing can be so very hard for many and it has lots of repercussions. I wish getting older was easier and gentler, but failing health comes to us all eventually.

I think of you and your family and wish you strength for the future. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. Xxxx

[Hidden]

Hi fallen-leaf,

I do empathise with your feelings. Both being old and caring for the elderly are exceptionally challenging things. Really tough decisions do have to be taken because sadly end of life is seldom a tidy, organised thing, and the better we all get at surviving for longer, the more problems and dilemmas we have to face. It's not easy.

Sassy59 says it all so succinctly in her reply to you.

I think she also says something extra important too. And that's "who knows what tomorrow may bring". We frustrate ourselves when we dwell on what might happen or what should happen. We simply don't know and even if we did, we have no real control over whatever it is. if you can manage to live more in the present moment, that may help you to feel less frustrated at the difficulty of it all.

I echo sassy59's good wishes for you for the future.

[fallen_leaf in reply to Hidden]

My husband doesn’t understand. He even complained the other day that I was helping my family too much. His dad died suddenly of a heart attack when my husband was in his 20’s. His mom is older than my parents and lives alone and drives a car and volunteers and has friends and family. No major medical issues. He doesn’t know or understand the stress of seeing my father mentally decline into rage, having to manage my aunts finances and medical decisions, fear for my mom’s safety who still lives with my dad and calls me scared and alone.

[Hidden]

Hi fallen-leaf,

That's sad to hear. Unfortunately some of us seem to be beings with a greater sense of love and loyalty to wider family than others. It's probably as you say; that he hasn't had to deal with all of the challenges you have, and doesn't truly understand exactly how hard it is for you, if his mother's remained well. And if you can manage to make him see that this may not always be the case, you'd be doing him a great service, as it can come as a huge shock to the family of someone who's always been well, when they go into sudden decline.

It's so hard when you are the giver and there's just not enough of you to go around, but my guess is that, in some way, your husband is maybe feeling he's been assigned a back seat in your life, through your need to do so much for your family. Although it's very hard to imagine how you could do any extra giving, is it possible to sit and talk and for you to discover exactly why he feels you should be doing less for your family? And what it is that he feels he is missing with regard to him?

A really difficult dilemma, I know, and I hope you can find your way through it, and maybe come to some kind of compromise where everyone gets a share of you, and that includes your share too, or you will become burned out and incapable of carrying on. At least give yourself a hearty pat on your back, for doing the best you can in difficult circumstances.

Once again, very best wishes.

[Baileyboo]

Hi fallen_leaf

I am so sad that you are dealing with so much.

I hope you can find some outside help. You can't continue doing so much. On the other hand I admire you for everything you are doing.

I hope there is someone you could talk to, perhaps a GP who can get you help.

I am so sorry you have so much to do.

I am sure your husband will understand if you can find time to discuss everything with him. His mum being well should make him thankful that he doesn't have responsibility for her.

I will be thinking of you.

Love and hugs

Pat xx