I have been told that dad has two safeguarding measures again, one with the Home and one with the hospital, but the Home hasn't mentioned anything to me about these. I don't live nearby but am up visiting him for a week at the moment. Should the Home be telling me about these as they did before? Where do I go for information to help me? I feel I am being left in the dark again and, with everything that is going on with dad, this is very disconcerting. A social worker did ring me last week about the hospital safeguarding issue but all he asked was if I had any concerns. I don't get to see the paperwork re dad and can't visit him regularly so how would I know. The Home does seem to lack the staff it used to have and the CQC report isn't great either; it's certainly different to how it was when I first put dad in there 22 months ago. Dad has no social worker for me to talk to so I wonder what others here think?
Thanks.
Karen
Written by
klr31
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23 Replies
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Hi Karen,
You do seem to be being bypassed here and it's not good that your dad's Care Home in particular, is not communicating with you as it should. It is responsible for his care in your absence and of course any news regarding him should be passed on to you in a timely way.
I think you have to put a very stern face on with this and go and have a no-nonsense talk with management about the very least that's acceptable, both generally and to you personally.
You probably should have taken the bull by the horns with the social worker who called you too, but I know that, when taken by surprise, we are so busy getting our heads around the new information that we don't take the opportunity to take stock and then ask the questions we may have, so if you have a way of getting back to him, I certainly would.
But anyway, don't let all of this pass you by. I can see you already have concerns that the Home isn't doing the job it was for your dad. And that's not acceptable.
The best of luck with addressing this. Don't let anyone try to intimidate you to prevent you getting your answers, and do come back and let us know how you get on.
Hi klr31, the home should be communicating with you and it seems as if your dad should have a social worker. My mother in law had one and was very nearly sectioned but that never happened as no beds available.
Speak to the manager of the home and voice your concerns. Try and get as much sorted out as you can before going back home.
Hi Karen, I know how you feel, I live a distance away from my parents and it's so difficult to get an accurate up to date picture.
I would have expected the home to have talked with you about the safeguarding. It sounds as if they might be struggling with lack of staff, as many areas of care are.
It sounds as if your dad should have his own social worker if he has had two separate safeguarding concerns in different places. Could you ask the home or if this does not prove fruitful, phone up the adult social care help desk and ask to speak to a duty social worker and tell them your concerns.
It is definitely easier talking to one named person.
I wish you all the best in trying to get things sorted.
Thank you for your replies and advice. Dad might have a social worker whilst the Safeguarding is ongoing but he doesn't usually have one as he is self-funding so I have to deal with everything. I have spoken to a community care home nurse who is visiting dad on occasion. It's so hard to know what to do for the best as I fear the upset that moving him might incur. He's so frail now and I find it heartbreaking and so difficult to know what to do for the best as I have no one to talk to or ask advice.
These are some web links that may or may not be helpful to you. At the end of the day your father chose when he was able not to move nearer to you. That choice was his, and making that choice meant he had to have understanding at that time you could not be there all of the time to help him. Please remember this and look after yourselves as well. It sounds harsh but if you don't look after yourselves how can you help him?
Try and get social services to talk with you especially if you have power of attorney over your father's health and wellbeing as well as finances. I say this because of there are safeguarding issues they should be involved.
Best of luck
Gill x
Hi Karen,
I think that before you formulate your questions as to why the Safeguarding has been put in place, you should ask how it came about that you were not included in the loop earlier, with a full explanation of what was going on.
Then ask precisely why Safeguarding has been found to be necessary this time. You need to know exactly what the danger is, as there are several diverse reasons why it's put in place.
I think that Gill's answer has a point about your dad having chosen to be where he is, and you can only have limited responsibility for the fact that you are so far away from him. Don't burden yourself with guilt for this. I know you do agonise over it a lot and wonder if you should have moved him. But there's no guarantee that things would have been made easier for you, except with visiting, had he been moved closer to you, so torturing yourself now won't help and will eventually harm your health and happiness. As Gill says, you do need to be well yourself in order to help dad.
Seldom is anything clear cut and perfect. You are doing the very best that you can in the circumstances you both find yourselves in.
You do deserve answers on the Safeguarding issues and you should press to get to the root of why you are being bypassed at the point when you really need to be aware of what's going to happen, not what's happened.
Very best wishes, and I hope you get to the bottom of it all.
You could phone your dad's local council and ask to be put through to social worker department Or ask home if he should have a review with the access and review team You should as next of kin be informed of any safe guarding raised Including What occured and what was result Sometimes they send a visitor to the home or if they are happy with what the home has but in place to prevent a repeat they will close the case As NOK you are entitled to request to see his careplan where it should be documented
I have an appointment with the nurse at the Home tomorrow morning where I shall bring the matter up (along with various other things) and spoke to one social worker today about one Safeguarding measure. Hopefully I might be getting somewhere. I just wish it wasn't just down to me!
I hope the appointment went well. You still need to keep the pressure on social services in terms of making it clear about your being next of kin and your legal standing especially if it includes health and wellbeing. Make sure it is covered in his needs assessment. It is very easy when someone goes into a residential home that they forget the family.
You also need to be realistic about what help and availability you are able to give to dad. You need to keep your health as optimum as possible. Caring, especially the emotional can be very draining. A lot of travelling will be even more so.
I think social services are aware of me in terms of the Safeguarding measure; I don't normally register with social services as dad is self funding so everything to do with dad always just seems to come down to me.
I don't know if I got far this morning or not. There seems to be so many issues around dad at the moment and it's so upsetting to see him as he now is. I don't feel I have the expertise and knowledge to know if what I'm doing is sufficient and have to trust the Home know to a large degree. My emotional involvement makes me not able to stand back and judge dispassionately. It's all just so sad.
Things aren't great. Dad is in and out of hospital with blood sugars either too low or too high. He had a few days in the diabetic ward last weekend and they reduced his insulin but now it's too high and he's gone in again this evening. It's not fair on him and seems cruel. I'm waiting to ring to see what is happening. There seems to be no coordination in his care and he's just sent to hospital.
The safeguarding measure at the hospital is going ahead and they have been in contact with me but the one at the Home is going ahead but they haven't been in touch.
I don't really know what to do to help now. Dad is more confused and was on the phone crying to me last evening. It might be due to the Oramorph he's on now for his pain that his dementia seems worse. It's heart breaking.
Has a diabetes nurse and dietician written any guidelines for his injections/tablets and meals when he is in the home? I ask because some of the food that is served up is interesting. Have you been kept informed of what the safeguarding measures are?
It is heart breaking to see our loved ones struggling and upset. You are going to feel guilty, thinking you should do more, it is a fairly normal (but unpleasant) feeling, it is also illogical. It doesn't stop you from feeling it. All you can do is remember that he chose to be in the area he is. You tried to encourage him to live nearer to you. So you are supporting his wishes as best as you can. Make use of groups like the Alzheimer's society and any carers' services near you. Being with others in similar situations can sometimes help.
Yes, he has guidelines for the nurses in the Home as he is a type 1 diabetic. The diabetes nurse tried to educate the Home nurses last year but they change all the time so it wasn't productive. Another reason I've never moved him nearer me was that I didn't think he was stable enough and there are fewer services around me. I was hoping I was doing the right thing for his health needs as the hospital has always looked after him and helped him manage his diabetes. I don't think they have many 85 type 1 diabetic who have had the condition for over 60 years.
I haven't had any information about the Home safeguarding measure, only the hospital one.
Also ask the diabetes nurse for a copy of the protocol for your dad's diabetes management. Ask the home for it as well. Don't do it in a challenging way say it is so you can better understand his needs and the difficulties they are dealing with to support him. Make it so that they feel you are working with them to keep him and then safe. Do this over the safeguarding guidance as well say you want to make sure you can support them with it.
It's always been the most effective way I have used to gain information and If needed evidence. Let them really feel you are on their side. That way you will be told and possibly shown more. The information may settle your concerns about how he is being supported. If they don't you have written evidence from which to raise any concerns. The other thing is that the reports may show the hardest thing of all and that is that your father is hitting more and more issues and the main consideration is to keep him comfortable.
I had that with my mum. They tested her mental capacity and supported her decision to have no further treatment. Although not tested for mental capacity my dad made a decision to refuse treatment his was a heart issue. It really is hard as our parents age. I'm 60 now with health problems and I know I've got to think about the future. Safeguarding and getting old and the issues that can bring are not pleasant things to have to deal with.
Thank you, Gill. Yes, you are right - dad is hitting more and more issues but due to his diabetes they can't seem to do anything to keep him from having to go into hospital. I live over 100 miles away and go up for a week at a time every few weeks. My husband and I both have our own health issues which doesn't help anything. It just seems that the care is falling down somewhere and it's a case of fire-fighting rather than keeping dad in one place, stable and comfortable. Even with all the services available there is no coordination in his care. I will do as you suggest and ask for a copy of the guidelines they have although I have been told about them. Dad wouldn't want to stop treatment as he is scared of death but his life is pitiful now and so hard to see.
Thank you for your suggestions and kind words. I'm struggling a lot as you can tell.
Nearly forgot - I have been told that the social worker investigating the safeguarding issue in the Home is gathering evidence but may have been seconded to another department!
Social workers have a lot of cases to deal with. It can take a fair time to check things out. If you have the protocols they should follow it is a start.
I'm afraid I don't have much faith in social workers having been left to my own devices with dad due to him being self-funding and not having a good social worker when my mum had Alzheimer's. At the end of the day it's all bureaucratic paperwork and it won't make any difference. The hospital sent information but it's just procedure. It will happen again, I'm sure of it.
I won't ask what happened. I know it doesn't always feel as helpful as it could be, but it is important to try to not let your despair about the system show when you talk with them. As in any job there are good and could do better workers. You need to have as much evidence as possible if you need to tackle issues. Getting paperwork like how things should be done, support plans etcetera all help. If social services are involved over safeguarding issues, if you have evidence that your father had authorised you to act for him and he isn't able to do this himself you can ask social services for a copy of his needs assessment. You can ask them what the paperwork shows in terms of outcome objectives for your father from safeguarding investigations. Are there any advocacy services near where he lives who could help?
The other choice if things are sorted now and he is as settled as he can be is to try and relax and look after yourself and let it drop. It is sometimes difficult to do but you may have to let it go so you can look after you.
I had an incident many years ago about my son and a worker at his college. I had to ensure my son was safe, but I decided not to make too many waves for the sake of my son. It isn't easy, but it was the right thing to do as the stress would have been tremendous.
I probably won't talk to a social worker unless one rings to let me know the outcome. To be honest I have enough on my plate trying to find out how to stabilise dad's health and with not being in the same area as dad I can't just pop in and gather the information. The safeguarding with the Home was to do with an agency nurse I believe. Things have moved on so rapidly that I can't honestly remember now. I will ask when things settle down again or when we next go up but at the moment I think it's more important to try to find out why dad's overall care isn't being coordinated and why he's being sent to and from hospital.
Thank you for your suggestions and support though. I have little enough as there's only me.
If it was an agency staff and she is no longer dealing with him it might be best to let it go as you have so much else to deal with. The staff member for my son was his key worker, but when I removed him from looking after my son I let it drop. I didn't want the hassle.
The main thing is to look after yourself and your husband and do what you can for dad.
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