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Nursing Home not safe and Dad being moved

Hello,

I have written before about my father who is in and out of hospital, whilst I live over 100 miles away. He has two safeguarding measures against the Home and the hospital.

Apparently, the community diabetic nurse doesn't think the Home is managing his diabetes well and so has instigated dad be moved; I know she would like me to move him nearer to me but I am not well enough nor do I have the professional support to do this at this time. I have never thought this was in dad's best interests either but maybe I am wrong. I am making myself more unwell with all that is going on and now don't know what to think. How do I know that another Home will be able to manage dad any better. The Home where he is has deteriorated over the 23 months he has been there but was very good, I felt, when I first put him there.

I'm feeling upset and in a muddle as to what happens now. Dad is self-funding so everything has been left to me. There is a social worker involved due to the safeguarding measure but that will be only temporary.

Karen

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Hi Karen, your post has hit a bit of a nerve with me because Pete and I have been in the court of protection today regarding Petes mum. She is also in a care home and self funding and under the care of Dols (deprivation of liberties).

Your dads social worker needs to be more proactive and helpful as should the local authority as you cannot be expected to just do everything yourself. You don’t live nearby and have health problems too.

Please push for more help as if your dad is happy enough it may be upsetting to move him.

I wish you well and let us know how things go. Xxxx

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He's being moved regardless as the Home where he is can't keep him safe and out of hospital. I've only spoken to the Home manager so far as she rang to inform me that dad will be moving. Nothing so far from the social worker investigating the safeguarding issue. They will have to find somewhere for dad as how am I to know where will be best for dad. I have POA for dad's finances and health but can only do so much on my own. It's a nightmare.

Karen

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It is a total nightmare Karen and I just hope that your dear dad is placed into a care home that can indeed keep him safe and out of hospital.

He’s so poorly so who knows if the next place will be what he needs. I just hope things work out for the best.

In Petes mums case, the solicitor wanted her to be considered to be able to return home or go into sheltered housing. This is all because this lady with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s said some months ago that she wanted to leave! It beggars belief! Xxxxx

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Thank you.

You sound like you are going through it too. I thought DOLS helped with people without capacity saying they wanted to go home?

The system is a mess. I hope you can work through things too and wish you the very best of luck.

Karen

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Thank you. Yes they do help but this has all just escalated into people who don’t know Petes mum and have never met her being able to make decisions about her. Anyway it’s ongoing and we just have to get through. Petes mum, who I visited on 1/11 was very happy and pleased to be in the home so doesn’t need to move as that would totally upset her.

You take care and look after yourself. Xxxxx

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Hi Sassy this dols business the home are not trying it on are they

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Hi JAS, the home are happy to look after Petes mum, but when she arrived she wasn’t happy and would try to leave. This was picked up by Dols and has just escalated. Crazy! Thanks for replying. Xxx

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If the home is supportive and you feel it's in your dad's best interest to stay there debate the situation with the nurses and social worker Cannot you sit with the DN and the homes manager and put a plan in place to monitor his sugar levels through the day Get the kitchen staff to sit in and put a menu together of meals your dad will enjoy Get a diet and fluid intake done daily for the DN to check when she visits She should be working with you on this to help your dad remain where he is settled Even if it means more visits by them through the day They to have a duty of care

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I don't live nearby so it was a done deal in that the Safeguarding social worker and the Community Diabetic nurse went in yesterday to speak to the Lead Nurse and Manager (I assume) where it was acknowledged that the Home can't cope with dad's diabetes. I thought it was just a case of sorting out his diet but there's more going on than that. Apparently, the Home is failing in lots of areas, which I wasn't aware of, so it's not just dad. I don't think the lead nurse understands diabetes properly - or so I've been led to believe. I haven't managed to speak to her since so assume she won't speak to me now. I was the one who highlighted that she was "pushing carbs" onto dad despite this not being appropriate when he has high blood sugars. I don't think the Home are coping with lots of situations as it has been slowly going downhill since dad arrived. I don't know why as they have had ample opportunity to improve but everything they seem to do makes things worse. I don't know what or why and won't get to know as everyone closes ranks. Even the safeguarding social worker told me today that she can't tell me more due to confidentiality issues, only that it's failing and is already in special measures. I just want dad out and in somewhere where his medical needs can be met. I'm still considering moving him closer but can't move quickly on this due to my own health and that of my husband. It's a nightmare and I'm just hoping dad will survive ok until a new Home can take him. I'm hoping that the one I rang this morning will agree to as it has a good CQC report and is only just over the road from where he is now.

Karen

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To @klr31 Excellent reply from our long standing member there who has first hand experience. I'm certain you could ask some questions and she will give advice if she's able.

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Hi Karen,

There are two causes of concern here. One is of course your dad, but you sound very distressed too.

I'm not surprised, as it's very hard indeed to suddenly have this thrust upon you when it's such a difficult decision for you to have to make alone.

What I'd say first of all to remember that you are his primary carer and his home is your agent for that care. It's not really what suits his diabetic nurse, but what suits you. Please do not feel pressured to permit him to be moved closer to you without feeling happy with that. Have a close and frank consultation with his nurse, because she is only looking at one aspect of his care, and actually there are several which she is not aware of, that you are.

For example, you mention feeling that dad's general wellbeing also depends a lot on his not being moved at all. Surely in that case, unless there are real grounds for suspecting neglect, it is the diabetic nurse's duty to work with both you and the home to make sure that his medical needs are met and dealt with, and should not be an attempt to get him removed from her turf.

Of course you want to be involved. I know from previous posts how you've struggled with dad being so far away from you and that from what you've told us before, whether it really is kind, or fair, to uproot him at this stage.

I know that there are also separate ongoing safeguarding issues to take into consideration, and social services' intervention is only temporary, but put your points across to the social worker he has, for now, if you can, too.

I know you wouldn't want your dad to be left in a situation that's downright neglectful, but what guarantee do you really have that anywhere he's moved to is going to be any better, long term? And also if dad is self funded, then of course cost is a factor too. We'd all like our loved ones in the best nursing home in town, but sometimes we have to compromise. If there's a financial limit, you can't necessarily move him to anywhere that will be so much better.

So, quite a lot to think over. Don't have a knee-jerk reaction to all of this. Try to give yourself a little bit of thinking time and ask yourself what it is, in your heart of hearts you feel is best for you and your dad. Something that will leave you feeling at peace with his situation.

Then get back in touch with all concerned in his care, and make a considered decision based on what's possible and palatable to you and comfortable and safe for dad.

Very best wishes to both of you, and I hope you can resolve this in a way that leaves you both as happy as you can be with whatever decision you eventually make.

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He's being moved regardless as the diabetic nurse and social worker dealing with the safeguarding issue don't think he's safe where he is and don't think the Home can manage his diabetes as he's in and out of hospital.

I am terribly distressed as I have had years of stress with my Dad and he has nearly died a few times and now this. I have my own health problems which are being severely impacted by what is happening. I don't want dad to remain where he is unsafe.

Karen

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Hi again Karen,

If your choice in the way forward with dad is being so very restricted by others, I’d say just be as relaxed as you can with what’s being decided for him and try to make his new situation work as best for both of you as you can manage.

I can’t begin to imagine how stressful and distressing all of this is for you and I wish you both the best outcome you can achieve. Try to stay strong and very best wishes once again.

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Thank you.

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Thinking of you Karen and please take care of you and your husband too. Xxxx

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