Well, as a follow-up to the most dreadful week, it now transpires that dad has to leave his nursing home as they say that they can't cope with his type 1 diabetes. It's bizarre that social workers in an office somewhere, who have never even met dad or myself, can instigate a safeguarding measure, despite what I wanted, which results in dad being made, in effect, homeless! I now have to try to find dad somewhere else to go, despite living 100 miles away and the effect it's having on my own health and my husband's health. I was told this afternoon by a nurse looking after dad in the Home that she doesn't think he's well enough to move! I've enquired at a Home just across the road who have a nursing bed and one near me and both, I've been told, will go to assess dad. The one near where dad is was supposed to go in yesterday but I've heard nothing from her. It hardly seems possible that this is all happening to someone so frail and unwell.
Karen
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klr31
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Karen its a total disgrace. What are the social workers doing? They know the position you’re in. Please don’t despair, you’re dad can’t be made homeless. Xxxx
Dad doesn't have a social worker as he's self-funding; the only social worker now involved is the one investigating the safeguarding issue at the Home and she's been responsible for dad having to leave the Home, I believe, although I don't know because I'm not privy to what has been said or done. It was someone else - I think a district nurse - who put the safeguarding measure in action to start with at the end of September and this was passed on, they rang me but I said that I thought things were okay, it was going to be dropped and then a social work manager got involved and thought it best to go ahead anyway "just in case it affects any other resident"!
Don’t stress, DONT PANIC, this happened to my father 18 months ago, HE PAST LAST WEEK, MY SISTER COMPLIANED, about dads care and we were told dad has to leave because they said we were always complaining about his care so off you go, BUT he stayed there another 2 weeks till we got another place and he was very happy there the staff are fantastic, unfortunately in between he was living at two more and the violence was horrific, Brocken hips, bruises every day they said he kept falling over, Police informed but said they can’t help as dad had dementia and his meds stoped them prosecuting, the last one is where he past, fabulous people.
So don’t panic they can’t just toss him out.
I hope he gets resettled very soon. Where in The world Are are you, if you don’t mind me asking lol.
I'm in mid Wales and dad is in Nottinghamshire. I just can't believe that social workers, who haven't even met dad and decided on the safeguarding measure on a whim, have caused all this upset. He's hardly well enough to be moved and yet moved he must be!
Hi, you must be under a lot of stress, Dads social worker was a bit gormless to say the least, soon gave him his marching orders lol the next one lol wasn’t quite as he should be lol, he helped pretty good to be honest, he took some stick though. Are you the closest kin? In the end he was happy there, he lasted 90 years, it’s not a nice thing for partners or the children to see and somewhat relieve when they go, no pain no confusion with the dementia and sad to say I too have dementia so as we moved dad round them I went to to see what they have to offer me and it is the same one as dad, I’m in Southport so we have a lot lolthe amount care homes and stuff, hundreds. X
My experiences with notts county council adult social care in the last 3 years have been so horrendous, I'm thinking of writing a book.
Hi Karen
I'm so sorry to hear that the troubles with dad's nursing home have culminated in this! It's so distressing for you, especially with your being so far distant and of course so much more so for your dad in his frail condition.
It is indeed a really dreadful thing for him to have to face this in the twilight of his life.
As sassy59 has pointed out, your dad will have to stay right where he is until you can find him another place. So please try not to let the horror of it all get the upper hand.
Although it puts dreadful stress on you to find another placement for him, don't be pressured into settling for anything you aren't happy with on his behalf. If it's absolutely unchangeable now, it's probably better to try to accept the situation and work with those who have stirred all this up, but stand your ground with regard to where he goes and when.
Just so sorry you are both having to face all of this. I hope you can manage to resolve it all and find somewhere else for dad where he will be comfortable and where his needs can be better met.
Oh boy you really are going through the mill! I’m really sorry that you’re going through such a dreadful time, and that the nursing home is causing a lot of distress to both your father and you. It really isn’t acceptable that they are not able to manage his type I diabetes. If they have qualified registered nurses which they show that insists is routine care and should not be a problem. I can only presume that before your dad went into the home that he had a needs assessment is done by the local authorities. If he did not come nice suggest that you speak to his GP, and local authority to have a needs assessment done or updated. At the same time ask about having a social worker, I am unsure about why someone is self-funding they cannot have a social worker.
I think the advice they received from the community has been fantastic, well-done everybody, they have shed from their personal experiences, and I would add to their voice that yes you must keep fighting for his human rights! I am concerned about your own and your husband’s personal health, I have noted from your profile what you are struggling with, and I would certainly advise that you speak to your GP and your own medical team to get the support you personally need at this time. Whether that be a mental health referral for talking therapies, or even a supporting letter to add weight to support your dad and to explain why it would not be in your best interests or hears him to live near you, and the impact that this is having on your own health.
I’ve done a quick Google search going to put up a few website links that might give you some thoughts to consider.
I have spoken to a health assistant at my surgery who wasn't much good and asked for counselling which has been refused. I don't know why. I am limited as to how much I can use the telephone as it's exhausting and am actually in bed today unwell. I have been told that it's down to me but if something happened to me then I suppose dad would have to have a social worker. As it is the authority refuse him one. I feel in a quagmire as I'm being told limited things but different by different people. I don't feel able to cope with it all. I seem to remember that dad had a needs assessment when he was at home and needed care there but I don't believe he has had one recently but, of course, I don't know.
So very sorry to read all that you and your family are being forced to cope with. What on earth is happening to the caring NHS system..... it is falling to pieces and failing you all badly. I can only add what others have said previously and hope you're not panicking or feeling too pressurized when you are clearly not well yourself. Sending a big hug to you xx
Thank you. I can't do anything at the moment as too unwell. There is only me to deal with it so that makes it even harder. I'm trying not to panic and have asked for two Homes to go to assess dad as they both have a nursing bed. I don't know if they will accept him or what I should do for the best. I just wish I could be kept fully in the picture about what has happened this week as I'm sure there have been meetings about dad but haven't been told so I feel as if I'm operating with one hand tied behind my back.
Sounds an horrendous situation, especially living far away and being unwell yourself. Hope this can be resolved sooner rather than later. Try to keep strong and continue battling the powers that be until you get the best that is available your your Dad. XXX
Hi klr31 - I am so sorry to hear about the awful situation that you find yourself in. I used to work in a care setting and I can assure you that your dad cannot be moved until a suitable alternative is found, they are just not allowed to throw him out onto the streets. In my experience there are some very good social workers but sadly also some who are totally out of their depth, they just don't have the empathy and knowledge to make the right decisions.
Finding the right home for him is undoubtedly taking its toll on you and your GP should be trying to support you with this. Have you tried Age UK services? They offer many services, confidential, and they maybe able to give you some advice and support.
I do wish you all the very best of luck with everything - remember to try and look after yourself as well, that is so important x
I can't even begin to explain how impossible that would be. Dad needs expert and continuous nursing care. Even if my husband and I had room and were both fit and well - which we don't and aren't - it would be grossly irresponsible to have him somewhere without permanent and full time medical care. He could do with being in hospital full time. I haven't moved him to a nursing home near me because I thought the move might kill him and the hospital is half an hour away. I now know it might kill him but he has to move apparently anyway.
Take your time . They can’t just throw him out ! If he is too unwell to be moved especially.Surely he needs a formal assessment.This situation has happened to me twice. The first time I was Gatwick weeks to sort it ,or else the home said they would be in breach . It fair panicked me but I managed to get my mum sorted. If it had taken longer I would have just let it .
The second occasion I was informed by the home that they couldn’t handle my mum’s dementia. The NHS came and assessed her and I had a meeting with them and the home staff. With some adjustments to how they were dealing with my mum she remained and is still there some two years later .
I totally get that the distance you live away from your dad’s home must make it very difficult.
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End of life : Caring at home
Dad doesn’t want to get out of bed
