Hard work

[magic1309]

I live with my elderly mum who is 83. My dad passed away 3 years ago , but she is constantly complaining about pain , when she eventually takes pain relief it seems to disappear sometimes within 10 minutes . Most of the time im sad and depressed I feel she is attention seeking, I feel like moving out at times it gets really unbeatable at times.

[jaykay777]

Can you place your mother in a care home or skilled nursing facility or whatever it is called where you live? Taking care of my dying husband, I felt as you do until the hospice team did all the paperwork necessary to apply to have him moved. He was distressed, but I had to do it for my own health. As it is, four years after he passed, my immune system is not effective in preventing my contracting infections. Take care of yourself.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi magic1309 and welcome to this caring forum. I am sorry to hear things are so difficult for you at the moment. Do you have any other support, from family members, friends or carers? It may be a good idea to talk to your mother's GP about your concerns and then, perhaps, some additional support could be put in place. Her GP could also review the medication she is taking. As jaykay777 has posted, it is very important to look after your own health also. If you are feeling sad and depressed, it would help you to see your GP also, so that this can be addressed and help and support can be arranged to enable you to feel better. It sounds quite a lonely time for you at present, but it also sounds like you are doing a very good job.

You may like to contact Carer's UK carersuk.org They also have an online forum.

Also, AGE UK offers a respite service [ageuk.org.uk/services/in-yo.... This is so that carers can take a break knowing their loved one is in the care and companionship of a trained member of staff. You may also find our pinned posts on the screen helpful. I hope this is helpful to you and please remember that you are not alone. Are there any other members who could help and advise magic1309, please? Thank you and best wishes.

[magic1309 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hi there, thanks for your assistance and very useful reply, Yes there is other family members and I ve said a few times I need support and back-up especially when it's hard going. I already spoketo her GP and they gave her a memory test , she passed it no problem. I am going to go back to the GP , because I make up her meds/ pain relief but sometimes she won't take them, and then she complains about the pain. Oh I suffer from depression too which doesn't help , but thanks again, sound advice.

[Hidden]

Hi I do sympathise with you as I was in a similar position. My mother who is 94 lived with me for a while last year as she has COPD plus other problems. She became very difficult and demanding both day & night until I was pulling my hair out with lack of sleep. Mom & I started to argue which was upsetting for us both. Doctors and adult services were useless so I decided to look at residential homes close to me and found a lovely 14 bed care home, mom went in for respite (her idea) and never came back she loves it there as there are many carers to give her the care & attention she needs and she has made a lot of new friends. Now our relationship is back on track and I visit her often which is a joy not a chore. It is very difficult looking after an elderly parent as the get older, more demanding & confused. I do wish you well and hope things work out for the best whatever you decide, because as you have depression you need to take care of yourself first then you are able to see to your mother,. Regards Jan x