Another year gone by …..: Hello, I... - British Liver Trust

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Another year gone by …..

NikkiN101 profile image
50 Replies

Hello, I first wrote on here around a year ago and was overwhelmed with the response, I have continued to read all the posts since.

My husband is now 65, has stage 4 cirrhosis and is still drinking. He functions well considering the amount he drinks daily.

He doesn’t seem to communicate with the hospital anymore, he missed/ignored planned phone calls, I think they’ve referred him back to the GP. A few months ago I went to the GP with him, she told him not to drink alcohol at all. I also wrote to the GP listing my worries but wasn’t ever contacted by the surgery.

Our relationship has deteriorated even further. Since he was diagnosed I’ve regularly talked to him about his drinking, it infuriates him when I mention it. He has changed towards me, verbally aggressive, sometimes nasty, accuses me of affairs, taking money etc. We hardly speak at all, he’s unpredictable, bad tempered with strange behaviour at times and blames me for everything, his drinking included. He still insists he doesn’t have a drink problem.

What I don’t understand is that he continues to drink with few consequences. He is thin, doesn’t eat much, looks unwell, I’ve noticed deep red spider veins have appeared on his nose, red bloodshot eyes, also his personality has changed. However he still works and speaks normally to other people, although can be abrupt and on a short fuse.

So I would like your opinion on drinking with stage 4 cirrhosis, everything I’ve read on google seems to suggest it’s very risky. Im so worried and stressed, it’s taking it’s toll on me now but I don’t know what else I can do. I’m not sure I have the energy to support him much longer.

I’ll be very grateful for your opinions.

Thank you

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NikkiN101
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50 Replies
Sophia1968 profile image
Sophia1968

oh Nikki, I do feel for you hun, you are in an awful and almost impossible situation, I can’t offer much advice because I’m new myself, however even I kvow that stage 4 cirrohsis and drinking is really not good, especially if his cirrohsis was caused by drink, the problem is if he won’t listen to you or the doctors , then it is making not only his situation worse but also yours, the pain and heartache you feel watching him do this must be awful for you, not to mention the abuse and blame, im so sorry that I can’t help you, but I really want to send you a big hug, I personally think you are in a worse place than him , cos you can see the damage he is doing and watching a loved one change in front of your eyes is so painful, please please no matter what, look after yourself as well, take time out to de stress , treat yourself and be kind to yourself , remember that you are important too, bless your heart, I really hope you both get the help you need going forward xx

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Sophia1968

Thank you for your kind words.

Sophia1968 profile image
Sophia1968 in reply to NikkiN101

bless your heart xx

golly123 profile image
golly123

Hi. I think what Sophie was wrote was excellent. It is vital he stops drinking. The only organ in the body that does NOT re-generate or recover back to a normal liver is the actual liver itself. It will remain scarred. I went from decompensated cihrossis back to compensated cihrossis after a while of totally giving up alcohol. I still have compensated cihrossis and scan after scan shows the scarring left by my over use of drinking. Suddenly, without warning, things can just deteriorate. Drinking is an addiction and one that is very hard to break. Your husband must WANT to give up drinking. It doesn't sound like he is taking much notice of you. So I don't think there is much one can do if the other person doesn't want to quit. He's wearing blinkers I'm afraid. You could suggest you go with him to an AA meeting possibly. Maybe look into a rehab. From what I read in your message, it's falling on deaf ears. The kind of last resort would be to go and stay with family for a while. Maybe two weeks or do. If you leave for a short while, he might not cope too well without you being there. You could also speak to AA and see if they can give you any better advice than me. My older brother is an alcoholic. His wife moved out into a rental and said she wasn't coming back unless he went into a rehab. He was a really nasty drunk. He's given up now so have I. My older brother did go into a rehab for 6 months which his wife's medical insurance or some such paid for. (She's based in Ireland). The shock of her leaving made him finally listen. I got my brother back in the end. I never drank anything like as much as he did but it doesn't matter the amount. It was everyday and a fair bit of alcohol too.

I do not think I have been of any help whatsoever here. Maybe ask your gp for any further information he or she has on rehabs etc. If your husband is holding down a job that's good. My older brother didn't. He got fired. He's now 61 (I'm 60) and he hasn't worked for at least 20 years. Just designed the odd website.

So forgive me for really not being very helpful here. Make time for yourself and make sure you look after yourself too. Sending you hugs. We are all here for you. I hope things improve. Best wishes Golly

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to golly123

Thank you for your support. You’ve done amazing to get back to compensated. I think the problem is he’s in denial. I’ve suggested every help group, counselling etc but he won’t help himself. Thank you again.

JamJam123 profile image
JamJam123 in reply to golly123

The liver is the only organ in the body that DOES regenerate. Huh? Now if you have a cirrhosis diagnosis then it is past the recovery stage and the goal is maintenance of function.

golly123 profile image
golly123 in reply to JamJam123

You are absolutely right.

Aotea2012 profile image
Aotea2012

I’m really sorry to read your post. It’s a very difficult situation for you. With cirrhosis he really must not drink. His liver is damaged and it’s important to take as much strain off the liver as possible. Alcohol is extremely toxic for a cirrhotic liver and will cause a lot more damage. He is really in need of help around his alcohol use. It will kill him if he carries on drinking with cirrhosis.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Aotea2012

Thank you for taking the time to chat. I’ve told him he’s killing himself but because he’s still functioning he denies there’s a problem. He won’t help himself unfortunately.

Aotea2012 profile image
Aotea2012 in reply to NikkiN101

I was exactly the same before my diagnosis of cirrhosis. I was unaware of the damage I was causing myself and was functioning ok. I became acutely unwell quite suddenly and was admitted to hospital. I had a deep rooted infection which triggered my liver into acute on chronic liver failure. They diagnosed cirrhosis whilst I was in hospital. I stopped drinking the day I was admitted (March 21) and haven’t touched a drop since. I feel well now, work, take no meds, eat healthily and in line with a dietician advised diet but most importantly avoid alcohol. My scans show no nasties and I have normal bloods. If I’d carried on drinking I’d have been dead for sure by now. He has to stop. He sounds like he needs support to do so. I had the help of Turning Point and didn’t need support that long. AA wouldn’t have been for me, I needed a quick intervention that helped me to reorientate my coping mechanisms. Instead of using alcohol, I found other, healthier, coping mechanisms and to be honest don’t miss alcohol at all. If you’d told me that 3 years ago I’d never have believed you. It’s incredibly unpleasant when you get ill with liver disease. He’s far better tackling it now, whilst he’s feeling ok and will benefit the most, than leaving it till he’s decompensated and sick.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Aotea2012

Thank you for your response. Such an encouraging story and fantastic you can enjoy life again. My husband needs help but denies there’s a problem. He’s focused on me, blaming and accusing me. I’m worried where this is all heading.

Poppy234 profile image
Poppy234 in reply to NikkiN101

That is so common. The blame. If you aren’t there you are hard to blame. I know separating is easier said than done. I have stayed and I believe I am enabling by staying.

redpoint72 profile image
redpoint72

Hello love.Another year passed by. You must be totally shattered by it all,I don't know where you find the energy from.......

Ultimately love,he needs to want to stop the drinking himself.....what you say i really don't think will change his mind.it may well make him dig his heels in even more. I've been there. He has to do it for himself, I don't expect he would consider any outside help?

When I think of myself, it was a terrible varices bleed that shocked myself into doing something about it,and stop drink,but i needed that terrible shock,to bring me to my senses, Also seeing the consultants face,looking directly at me,and saying Chris,if you carry on drinking, you will die very soon!!!simple as. I needed that terrifying jolt of reality.

The hospital won't keep sending appointments if none of them are being kept.....

Again he has to do his bit,im afraid.

A break away from your husband, to maybe bring a sense of how serious the situation is????. Would that be an option or not love,I fully understand its a difficult one to make. Only you can make that decision...no one else can for you.

No,there should be no alcohol at all....

I would hope that he would accept outside help,but that doesn't look very likely, if he won't keep hospital appointments. Please keep chatting on here,a problem shared etc......it must be terrible at times,but always some support here.

That probably hasn't helped at all,but don't ever think your alone.

Best wishes. Chris

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to redpoint72

Thank you all so much for taking the time to chat. I agree that he needs help but he can’t see that, he says ‘leave it with me’. I’ve heard that for years. I have wondered if a health scare or spell in hospital might bring him to his senses. I am going away for a week in May to stay with a family member. If I’m honest I think he will be glad I’m not around then he won’t have to be sneaking the drink in and out and pretending he’s not had a drink. He’s in denial. Thank you again and I hope your journeys go well and you enjoy good health.

redpoint72 profile image
redpoint72 in reply to NikkiN101

No love i couldn't see what damage I was doing to myself, until I filled half a bucket with fresh blood,and was struggling to breathe.....at 1 in the morning. Over 4 years ago. That was my very serious jolt,that I obviously needed.

And quite often it takes that,to stop the alcohol.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but thats how it happened,unfortunately. Well make the most of your break away in may love.

My best. Chris

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to redpoint72

Gosh that sounds horrendous, pleased it was the turning point for you. I really hope we don’t go there but I know it’s a possibility.

redpoint72 profile image
redpoint72 in reply to NikkiN101

No love ,im not wishing it on your husband or anyone else...extremely frightening timeI'm not trying to scare you....but thats how it was....but it really shouldn't have taken that.,for things to turn a corner.

Hopefully he will come to his senses, for both your sakes.

My best. Chris

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101

Thank you.

Browsingquietly profile image
Browsingquietly

Lots of good advice from experienced people here, I just wanted to send some love, sounds like such a difficult situation. Please remember to take care of yourself too, as this will all be taking its toll on your health. If your husband won't prioritise you, then you prioritise you. Taking some time out with family or friends for a while as someone else suggested sounds a good idea, if it's possible at all. Perhaps him having a health scare will be the only thing that jolts him into realising there's a problem, the trouble is, by that point things are already very bad.

Wishing you lots of strength xx

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Browsingquietly

Thank you so much. I realised that I was becoming isolated as I wasn't sharing the facts with my friends. I'm now talking to a few close friends, it has helped, we went out for a meal at the weekend which was lovely. It was good to get away from it all for a while, although I think my husband was shocked and annoyed.

I do think a health scare is the only thing that will possibly make a difference, it worries me he's already heading that way, I'm not sure how long he can drink and avoid serious illness.

My opinion, with genuine caring..... leave him.

The only person who can change a human is themselves.

You are in an abusive relationship.

Leave.

He keeps drinking to hide the reason/s he's alcoholic in the first place. If he can't face talking about his emotions, trauma etc. then how on earth would you or any one else help him.

He knows he's looking at death. He still continues.

63yrs old is not too late to start again.

Read your post aloud. Imagine it was your daughter, mother, a best friend who wrote it. What would you say to them....

Leave.

Stills profile image
Stills in reply to

very wise words and I entirely agree, well said, it takes courage to speak the truth.

in reply to Stills

Thank you Stills.I was a Keyworker to many a woman in a Women's Refuge many yrs ago. Sadly no matter how many yrs ago, the particular set of circumstances etc. the answers and outcome are always the same.

I like to be balanced, firm but fair but always the truth, the reality.

I have masses of empathy for that man however he's not the one asking for advice.

All I could see and hear in reading the post was her suffering. I told her what's best for her. If ge ever posts I'll do the same for him.

I hope others note that I said "leave" not divorce. That is my hope that there is hope. I doubt but I hope. Like others said perhaps a dose of her self-caring will shock him into submission. However a person who is looking death in the eye and continues to self destruct may be even beyond such a shock.

Safe yourself, be guilt free, love yourself enough to allow that. You've done all you can do. Be free. Be happy.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to

Thank you for your advice, I regularly consider going but seem to talk myself out of it, more due to lack of courage to actually do it. I know I can't let life pass by much longer like this though.

Stills profile image
Stills

so sorry to read your post, I understand entirely what you are going through.

Long story short: my parter became depressed and an alcoholic. After the usual domestic issues anger and theft to feed the addiction I threw him out. He slept rough, caught blood poisoning and came home. Spent 3 month in a psychiatric hospital then 26 weeks in a residential rehabilitation unit then moved to a halfway house with other recovering addicts. This process took two years but the 3 years leading up to it are as you are now living. There is worse I could relate but you already know, families of addicts all know.

I sought help for my mental state at this time. This was all 30 years ago and 9 weeks ago a GP said the words liver or pancreatic cancer to me. I had also become an addict. I stopped drinking immediately and am currently having tests etc to establish a diagnosis. I have a reason to live (I won’t go into it now but I’m needed) and I’m shocked it took getting ill to make me realise the truth about myself.

So you could be right thinking it sometimes takes a shocking thing for the addict to face up to the addiction and the damage and only then can they decide if they want to live.

I’m sending you strength to endure and put yourself first as if he does decide to recover he’ll need you and you’ll need to be strong. Contradictory; no, but true. Please take care of your own health and wealth until he’s ready to recover and if he doesn’t at least you will be able to take care of yourself.

Poppy234 profile image
Poppy234 in reply to Stills

That hits home. Only then can they decide if they want to live. So sad but such truth.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Stills

Gosh, you have been through a lot with your partner, its such a long difficult road, I agree that families of addicts all know. I do hope your tests give you a diagnosis soon so you can start your recovery. Thank you for your advice and wishes.

LemonMeringue15 profile image
LemonMeringue15

I thought I would add my experience with my ex, as he continued to drink despite a cirrhosis diagnosis.For years he appeared functional even to those closest to him. He worked, he saw our kids, he paid bills (at this point he didn't have cirrhosis but had been warned that he needed to stop drinking otherwise he would have years not decades).

Things deteriorated when he was fired and he ramped up the drinking and became more verbally abusive to me and to our teen daughter.

He stopped seeing our children after I took him to court for being drunk in charge of them. He became withdrawn, refused to see other family. His behaviour became erratic and he ended up in a coma with pneumonia and organ failure.

He survived the coma but it was clear from then that his liver was very badly damaged and he required drainage of ascites regularly. He lost muscle mass, was jaundiced and was barely eating. He continued to drink and told our daughter that his blood results looked fine. He was clearly terrified and in denial.

The last time he was admitted to hospital was due to severe bleeding, double incontinence and more. He died from complications of alcohol liver disease. He was only in his forties.

One thing I will say to you is, you deserve a full and happy life ❤️

in reply to LemonMeringue15

My condolences to you and your daughter. My applause at your strength and bravery.

An inspiring post.

Stills profile image
Stills in reply to LemonMeringue15

as do you and your family and I’m wishing it for you

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to LemonMeringue15

Thank you for sharing your story, so sorry for your loss. I can relate to the erratic behaviour and verbal abuse. Also he's told me many times that blood results are good or even improved, I don't understand that. I hope life is treating you well now.

teletonetapper profile image
teletonetapper

Hi there. You have obviously come to the end of your tether from reading your post. He is denying he has a drink problem and, if he continues, there will be a sad ending inevitably. You need to make a heartbreaking decision and, hopefully, it will be a "wake up" call for him. Bearing in mind the current situation, you need to take care of yourself too and it will not be a selfish decision. Keep in touch and I really do hope all goes well.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to teletonetapper

Thank you for your kind words.

Dogbot profile image
Dogbot

Hi Nikki N I’m so sorry to hear about the situation but it does remind me a bit of when I drank and the way I treated my wife. The alcohol has a lot to do with mood swings he is probably better when he’s just had enough to cheer him up but then he doesn’t stop and goes into a bad mood when he drinks more, it’s so typical of an alcoholic and I’m afraid there’s hardly anything you can do, he has to realise what he’s doing. The hurtful thing is you are not enough for him to stop he has to find a reason to give up 🥲. I’m not being nasty or rude but I remember my wife wasn’t enough it was only when I was rushed to hospital for liver failure and was in for some weeks then a specialist nurse came and spoke to me and said that I could either go and buy another bottle of vodka or look forward to seeing my grandchildren of which I didn’t have any 🤔. Luckily I chose the grandchildren of which I now have, the wife and I have spoken so many times about how she wasn’t enough for me to give up it hurts but now it’s 20 years since I drank and I have just had a liver transplant looking forward to a nearly normal life and going to see my grandson in America. I sorry I prattled on but I wish you the very best of luck from the wife and I 💕💕

Stay safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈Dave

PS if you ever want to talk the wife and I can always tell you of our experience.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Dogbot

So pleased you made the right decision and can enjoy your grandchildren. So many times I've said to him that he won't see grandchildren if he doesn't stop drinking. He says that's a typical comment from me as I'm very negative and he likes to be positive!

Dogbot profile image
Dogbot in reply to NikkiN101

if you can forgive me he is not positive, and you are not negative he is twisting everything you say and I do remember doing the same to my wife. He has to find something to realise what he’s doing and no one and nothing will change him until he knows for himself. I’m afraid to say I have alcohol friends that will not help themselves and I have tried to help but I only have to turn around and he says I haven’t drunk for a week and feel so good I thought I’d just have a couple, he was drunk on the floor he will not admit his drink problem, I’m terrified you’re husband might be the same. Possible the next step is tough love and try to take control of the money, I do understand that is so difficult the next thing is leave him and that’s not easy. I think possibly you should ring the healthunlocked people that run the site they are fantastic people, give them a call.💕💕.

Stay safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈Dave

BritishLiverTrust8 profile image
BritishLiverTrust8ModeratorBritish Liver Trust

Dear NikkiN101

If you [are in the UK and] would find it useful to talk things over, our nurse-led helpline is open Monday to Friday from 9am to 3pm on 0800 652 7330 (excluding bank holidays)

Best wishes

British Liver Trust

Harriet-sarah profile image
Harriet-sarah

hi, I’m so sorry to hear this. I do get where your coming from, my dad used to be an alcoholic and he used to scream and shout at me, blamed me in case my mums cancer came back, which is ludicrous. He then had a heart attack it gave him the fright of his life and he gave up and is now sober and has been for 10years now, so there is still hope. My brother in law was also an alcoholic he was skinny too, ran his own business owning pubs unfortunately my sister called me saying he was in hospital again, I was like don’t worry they will get him back on his feet, next day he died. I turned into an alcoholic too in the end, it grabs you before you know it, I had to give up work because of it, it hit my nervous system killing my nerve endings in my feet and eyes, but that still didn’t stop me, I used it cause it was my coping strategy just to get by each day. I was so nasty to my partner we were engaged but the strain was too much so we ended up living separately, but still saw each other. It meant if he had enough of my he could go back to his own place and I could calm down instead of building up to melting point where we were tearing strips off each other. I stopped drinking in January this year as was admitted to hospital, I didn’t want to stay, I remember to doctor saying we can’t let you go. I was like why not? They can’t force me! Then he said if I let you go now you will be dead in about 2 weeks. Which hit me like a tun of bricks. They diagnosed me with a Decompensated Liver (end of life liver disease. Read up on it make him read it, there’s plently about it.

The doctors have given my 12 months, I 4 months into it now, and I’m still waiting to get on the transplant list, as alcoholic’s have to show in time they are not drinking, then once I’m on list if I’m lucky I get a transplant then I might live.

I have been in your shoes and your husbands shoes. So I really know what your going though. I hope you stay strong. You loose everything being an alcoholic (family, friends, work, finances, even your independence your dignity. And I’m sure he will be relying on you to stay. Even if he or you move out, my partner is always there for me.

I hope things get better, if you force Alcholics to give up, they will end up hiding it. Get him someone independent from you both. I went to STARS they have been great support for me.

I hope he doesn’t get at my stage, try and work with him instead against, and gently help him admit what’s going on maybe?

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Harriet-sarah

You have been through so much, I do hope you get on the transplant list and can live a full life again. I take on board your advice about working with him rather than against. Thank you.

Oldbits profile image
Oldbits

Hello, I've been where you are, it's hard, its frustrating and down right miserable. I was walking on 'egg shells' and began to believe I was at fault and was making him drink. Alcohol steels the person we love and changes them. My husband was a covert alcoholic (with other health problems) he dug his feet in the more I nagged so I stopped, I was exhausted. He had to make the decision himself which he did. It wasnt a health scare and rush to a&e, it wasnt the transplant team telling him he was an alcoholic and only had 18 months to live at most, or his consultant telling him he was going to die it was me saying ' ok, I do love you but if you want to kill yourself go ahead I dont care anymore' I stopped nagging and ignored him. That was after I'd had a mini break away with our daughter and came home to the same old rubbish and stress. It hurt but it worked. 14 months sober and now compensated. Please look after yourself, you're important too. Enjoy your holiday he'll probably carry on the same when you're not there (my husband did) so make the most of the break to remind yourself who you are Xx

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to Oldbits

Thank you for sharing your story and so pleased your actions had a successful outcome. I'm tempted to do the same, we hardly speak anyway and there's nothing I can say or do that will make a difference.

Oldbits profile image
Oldbits in reply to NikkiN101

I feel your sadness, my hubby has little or no recollection of the time he was so ill and I was tempted to move out. Never feel you've let him down, it's an addiction that only he can break. I'm sure you'll be there when he eventually asks for help. Enjoy your break and look after yourself. I joined an art class to get away for a couple of hours a week and when he was bad I took myself swimming to get some me time. Take care xxx

DD75 profile image
DD75

Dear NikkiN101

I'm so sorry to hear your situation. And I think that your husband is being very selfish YES I've said it he's being selfish as he's not considering you at all and sadly from experience addicts don't tend to realise the stress and heartache they cause as they're addicted to the specific substance in this case alcohol.

He is probably in the bubble of denial and the problem with denial is is if you hear news you don't want to hear if you're an alcoholic (even a "functioning" as in working alcoholic) you just drink to blot it out.

Please believe me as Im not writing this to upset you at all or worry you as I'm not a medical professional, Golly123 and the BLN have offered great advice.

But I think, It is only your husband who can help himself at this stage (unless God forbid something happens and you need to phone an ambulance)

Possibly scare stories about sudden collapse without going yellow (alot of people believe you go yellow before you can get seriously ill and that is their benchmark I know this - because my husband thought he'd go yellow like my dad did but he didn't until 4 hours before he collapsed with severe oesophagus varices bleed and ended up in critical care unit) but again it Possibly won't work due to denial.

For your own peace of mind maybe ring GP for advice, they may not discuss your husbands health due to consent, but they should be able to give you support and advice on how to handle the situation or phone British Liver Trust Nurses number on this site they are wonderful and supportive.

Please take care and never suffer alone it's hard living with someone who has cirrhosis never mind having the added stress on top of them drinking and being abusive.

Thinking of you.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to DD75

Thank you for your thoughts, I agree he’s being selfish, does exactly what he wants, when he wants. If I say anything that he doesn’t like, however minor, he loses his temper. He blames me for the situation. He now says he’s moving out so he can find some happiness away from me. So I’ll see what happens, I think if he does go there will be no structure or stability in his life and I worry what will happen.

I have spoken to the nurses at the BLT, she was very helpful.

DD75 profile image
DD75 in reply to NikkiN101

Dear NikkiN101,

It's so hard, but please try to remember it's probably the alcohol addiction and denial talking and not personal to you. I do feel sorry genuinely for both of you but you need to remember this isn't your fault and your husband probably doesn't mean most of what he says he's probably scared.

I struggle with my husbands health and it makes me ill stress wise occasionally admittedly.

My husband has numerous health problems surrounding his cirrhosis and previous PTSD diagnosids and now his stay on Critical Care Unit has caused PTSD also. He also has memory problems so taking his medication and forgetting things I've told him 30 times can be frustrating.

It's not easy and when he was drinking before his very sudden diagnosis of cirrhosis (he ended up in critical care after a blood clot in his portal vein had exasperated the cirrhosis and varices situation none of which we knew he had he wasn't yellow or anything) he was a nightmare when he drank because of his PTSD and he was argumentative said cruel things and was a truly horrible and in denial over his alcohol intake but I knew he didn't mean it and it was the alcohol talking although I admit it didn't make it easier at the time. But he doesn't drink anymore not since he came out of critical care last year.

Sometimes sadly people need to hit their own personal rock bottom before they take notice and try to change their habits/drinking etc but only they can do it. Try and stay strong your husband will realise he needs you and loves you.

Hopefully he will see sense soon xx

2022minks profile image
2022minks

Hi Nikki,Sending you very warm hugs, I have been on this road with caring for my mum. She had nash cirrhosis and was diagnosed at decompensated stage. Although Mum didn't drink to cause this I found her mental health the most taxing all the way to her death last year. Cirrhosis is a minefield and not only from the physical side but I wish more was available to help patients with the mental health side this disease causes. For those of us who take on the care of our loved ones are there to witness all and everything that happens and some days and most let's says are a challenge so on advice we help by being there, their denial is I think also part of the disease that really should be addressed with compulsory counselling alongside their gastrology monitoring. The fact he won't stop drinking will move him nearer the end so keep badgering his doctor to help on this as stopping alcohol is the only way to give him more time. You are doing a great job keep reminding yourself of that whatever words he hurls at you because he is like this because of his liver. Love yo you keep faith in life ❤

Zack9 profile image
Zack9

I wish I could actually find a good book or something online with some recipes that are OK for me,I've seen dietitians twice now and didn't find them to be that much help and only telling me things that I already know,I'm really getting fed up of eating chicken or turkey and it's probably not that good for me anyway eating too much of it,please somebody recommend me a good cook book or something online thats got more varied recipes before I lose the plot completely 😊 is it my imagination or have I just wrote this and posted it in the wrong place,if I have I think your doing as well as you can do Nikki,just remember it's not your fault and don't let it affect your health

PadoJoe profile image
PadoJoe

My heart breaks for the position your in and I will pray for you. I think you have to accept that your husband has already decided what he wants for his future and now you need to accept it and make plans for what you want your future to look like. My autoimmune system attacked my liver and I went thru liver failure (I never drank in my life). When the Doctors told me I was in Stage 4 liver failure I did not feel sick. I had a very busy career, raising a child, taking care of my mother and had a very busy life. I ask The liver doctor when will I know I am sick? He replied one day you will wake up and your whole world will change and that's exactly what happened. 2 years after I was told I was in stage 4 liver failure my son found me sitting in a chair looking like I had a stoke. I was dressed for work but had no memory of waking up and getting dressed. I should have left for work 5 hours before my son found me. The liver could no longer filter the blood and poisons were going into my blood stream and shutting down my brain which caused hepatic encephalopathy (look up the symptoms of hepatic encephalopathy) and see if any match your husbands behavior. I think they do from what you've said. The doctor said if my son had not found me in time the poison would have put me in a coma and shut down my brain stem and I would have died that day. So your husband is the same ticking time bomb I was. It could happen when he is driving , when he is sleeping, at work or anyplace else. Your body just shuts down. When in stage 4 because blood cannot pass thru the liver the body grows rogue veins so the blood has someplace to go. These are not normal veins they are paper thin called varices. They rupture very easy and you hemorrhage blood so fast many people bleed out and die. After the hepatic encephalopathy started with me I also dealt with varices. Everything I shared is from personal experience and you can contact me directly if you need to talk. I will tell you this unless your husband is alcohol free for at least 2 years the transplant doctors will not even consider him a candidate for life saving measures.

NikkiN101 profile image
NikkiN101 in reply to PadoJoe

Thank you for taking the time to tell me your story. It sounds awful, I hope you are well now. You’re right, looks like my husband has chosen his path. I’m devastated that there’s nothing I can do. If I hadn’t challenged him about his drinking over the last couple of years I think we would be ticking along. Instead by trying to get him to stop it’s ruined our relationship. He takes it all very badly and blames me now. He is apparently planning to leave, I think that will be disastrous for him as there will be no boundaries. I’m trying to concentrate on my future but after 30 years I’m shocked and upset that he may leave. Thank you again.

PadoJoe profile image
PadoJoe in reply to NikkiN101

I went into the detail I did to help you understand how close your husband is to end of life even if he doesn't care. You need to stop commenting about his drinking and let him do what he is going to do anyway. The stress can destroy your health. You need to take care of you now. He has chosen his path. The man you fell in love with has already died and he blames you because he is angry at himself.

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