I was not able too read your full post as it seems too be deleted.
However i did get too see the first few lines on my email notification.
I’ve just read your bio before commenting and firstly I have too say no two addicts are the same as no two people are the same
From what you have written you have lived a completely different life too my situation, I read it as you enjoyed life and partying hard not that you where drinking all day everyday along with abusing drugs. Like I say I can only go by what you have put.
I’m not sure if you have read my blog In detail or just skimmed it, as I do not at any point wish him dead. I pray for this nightmare too end so he is free from his demons and pain he is suffering and me and my children too.
I can assure you I’m not looking for sympathy if that was the case I would be open on social media this is no sob story this is real life my life. Unless you are walking in my shoes you’ll never understand what it is like because our stories are different.
There is a lot I’ve not written and no doubt will add along the way, not because I don’t want too but because so much has happened you bury it away and forget, when it resurfaces then I will speak about it.
Then you are reading it through an addicts eyes, from what I’ve learnt and experienced they don’t like the truth they don’t want too hear the pain they’ve caused or suffering they can’t handle it, but expect us too.
It took a lot too walk away 3 years ago I thought I was free, how wrong was I because we have a young daughter who I protect with my life.
I know when she is older she will understand why I left her dad and why I stopped her from staying over and seeing him for months at a time but right now she’s 7 years old. I’m making the best of the situation with what I’ve got. As much as I don’t want her near him when he is drinking I know time is not on our side and I cannot deprive her or him of quality time together when he was having good days.
If I wanted him dead as you say, I would have walked away last Oct after finding him unconscious lay in his own body waste and celebrating it was over. I didn’t I tried one last failed attempt too save him, even the GP and consulats have thanked me and also say they don’t know how he is still here given the condition he was in.
At one point they gave him 48hrs too live it was at that point I contacted his close friends and family they didn’t believe me because I found messages on his phone saying I was the ex psycho wife and if I ever got in touch not too listen I had a hidden agenda too have him all to myself! He couldn’t be further away from the truth.
Reading that after everything I done I could have left him too it but i looked at my daughter and tried again one last chance too fix him, only I couldn’t because he chose not too.
I certainly don’t feel guilty far from it because I know I have done everything in my power too help him and given him more than enough chances. Most people would have give up after second chance .
The only part I feel I would feel not guilty but awful is the thought of him suffering one day and dying alone but I have no control.
Even Drs told me too step back as I can’t do anymore than I have, and that most people wouldn’t have done half of what I’ve done and gone through, especially with my own health issues but I have never spoke of them because it’s in the title it’s about being marriedtoanaddict , I have too say I have had hundreads of emails all from strangers with wishes of support, and how reading the blog has made them look at Addiction in a different light and see it as an illness too.
I’ve also had addicts message me and thank me for opening their eyes and seeing what impact they actually have had and are on their own families and that they are determined too beat it before it’s too late.
I never expected so many people too read my blog in 7 days, as I didn’t advertise it nor did I share on social media or friends. Apart from when I joined this forum this week.
I needed a way too vent and self counsel, I couldn’t write a diary due to my condition but I could type. As well as being selfish in doing the blog in helping me, my goal was and is too reach as many people as possible whether it’s loved ones in a similar position. Most importantly addicts if I can hit a chord with just one person who decides they are getting the help they need once and for all then that makes it all worth while, and far more significant that helping me.
I wish you well on your road too recovery and the future ahead.