Alcoholic Mother

[LancsHotpot]

My Mum's been drinking huge amounts for over 40 years; she's now 77. She currently drinks about a bottle of gin a day. In the last few weeks she has barely eaten, has lost a lot of weight, and has become unable to walk or even stand without support. Her ankles have been extremely swollen and raw looking over the last couple of years, though they have gone down as she's lost weight. She has deteriorated rapidly and I took her to A & E last week. She said that she has had one bowel movement in the last month, and she urinates infrequently and her urine is very dark. They kept her in hospital in the gastroenterology ward and she was on a drip of vitamins and then potassium and magnesium. She became very confused while in hospital, and one of the nurses said this was a symptom of withdrawal. She has gone home today, and has told us that she can't remember what the doctor said, she's much better and what a waste of time it all was. She will be somewhere deep into a bottle of gin as I type.

I know the staff won't give me any information, and I am not expecting any good news, but I wondered if anyone had any idea of where she is likely to be on the scale of cirrhosis given these symptoms?

[Blackcat49]

Hi LancsHotpot. I couldn't not reply to you. I am not sure how it works but are you next of kin can you not find out anything if you are?. It must be a worry for you. All I can say is I was drinking 2 bottles of wine a day for a number of years but have always been a girl with a glass in her hand. 3 years ago I walked in to a and e with varius symptoms including swelling of ankles stomach and I didn't have much of an appetite only for drink I didn't have dark urine or problem with bowel movement and I have never been hospitalised (touch wood) . I am at the first stage of cirrhosis and have not drunk since that day. Ultimately I had people nagging me for a quite a while but it was me who made the decision and your mum will need to do the same. Perhaps give the nurses a call on here they sound amazing x

[Roy1955]

Prognosis can't be good and she sounds very ill.Possibly a lot more than "just" her liver.

Have the hospital set up a care plan?

Call the nurses on here for advice.

[Dogbot]

Hi LancsHotpot this is such a difficult situation for you, it’s someone you love losing a battle with alcohol. I’m one of the lucky ones some people don’t agree with this saying ,I’m an alcoholic I gave up drinking nearly 19 years ago, your mum has got to come to the conclusion that she is one. I had liver failure and taken to hospital where I had a specialised nurse in hospital who said I could buy another bottle of vodka or see my grandchildren. It needs something to get it into your mum’s head, she must see a doctor with you and explain to the doctor that she can’t remember. I wish you all the best and hope you can help 💕.Stay Safe All

Dogbot 🐶🌈Dave

[Poppy234 in reply to Dogbot]

What a great comment from the nurse

[Dogbot in reply to Poppy234]

👍Yes as I now have four and it’s great 😀

[Poppy234 in reply to Dogbot]

Good to hear, I hope my husband is around to see his

[Dogbot in reply to Poppy234]

We all wish you the best for that 🤞💕

[Hidden]

Obviously no-one here can give a diagnosis and there is always that guy you meet in the pub, who's been drinking and smoking since he was 14 and is in cracking health (true story) but it doesn't sound too good.

I don't know what they think you can do to help if they won't give you any information, though maybe they asked her and she said no - sounds likely if she is in denial.

I don't know if you could ask her GP for help in this?

[Blossom0410]

Hi LancsHotpot

Its a horrible situation to be in.. the ward must be able to explain at least what they done & what's next.. she will need to see a GP to get a referral to a specialist liver consultant (If that's what the issue is?)

My husband altho only 43 went in via ambulance as was bleeding internally, before that urine colour was like dark tea without the milk, feet & ankles and stomach full of fluid where he could hardly walk! wasn't eating but always had room for beer & wine!! wouldn't listen to me till it was nearly too late as he nearly died from the blood loss and being in a very bad state to where the hospital put a DNR on him!! He was in for over 3 weeks.. many of the weeks completely batty not a clue what was going on due to the alcohol withdrawal & they medially detoxed him whiles there (thank god)

If he had stopped when first told last year he might not be in the condition now of need a transplant..

He is nearly two months dry so that's good 👍

I hope your mum can try and meet you in the middle somewhere even to see a GP..

There is so much support & information on here so always ask anything or even just to vent.

Look after yourself also xx

❤️

[Aotea2012]

Sorry to read your post. It’s a difficult situation. The fact she’s still drinking is a massive problem, as until she stops it’s hard to know how much damage she’s done. The liver has a remarkable ability to regenerate and if the cause of the problem is taken away, then there’s no saying how much she can improve. A bottle of gin won’t be doing her any good...if that was over a week it would be a lot, but every day is an amazing amount to consume. The cost not only to her health but also her purse must be enormous. It’s easy to say...much harder to resolve. The one thing I guarantee though is that until she herself decides to stop then nothing you do or say will work. I had to get incredibly unwell before I did something about it. I was very sick and was decompensated. I haven’t touched a drop in over a year and my health is now good. Cirrhosis, but normal life with normal bloods. It’s certainly worth speaking to her GP to understand the options but without her cooperation there’s little that can be done.

[LancsHotpot]

Thanks to everyone for the replies! My Dad has read me at least some of the notes from when she was discharged, and alcohol related liver cirrhosis and hypokalemia have been diagnosed. She's supposed to go to an outpatients' liver clinic in 4-6 weeks time, and to be screened for virices. She knows she's an alcoholic; she went into residential rehab about 40 years ago, and has had brief periods of sobriety occasionally over the years. She just doesn't care enough to do anything about it. And, as lots of you have said, no one can do it for her. I'm an alcoholic myself and have been sober for well over 10 years; I know how hard it is, and also how worth it it is!

[Aotea2012 in reply to LancsHotpot]

Crikey, you can give me lessons. 10 years is incredible. Well done. Alcohol is such a difficult substance to handle. Not only is it everywhere in our society, it’s socially acceptable (indeed positively encouraged) and addiction is slow and surreptitious. It’s no wonder it’s a difficult one to crack.

[Rshc]

she potentially could also have HE which would hugely impair her judgement. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. Am so sorry for your mum, its a horrid illness and I cannot imagine how awful it must be to be so addicted to alcohol that you continue to drink whilst knowing it has made you very ill.