Sharing news with family, not sure how to do this ?

[Scoobydoo100]

Hi new today, 52 and diagnosed with cirrhosis today. Have not shared I was having liver function test, feel so ashamed and guilty😒

[Sammy123456789]

I’m the same age, I think I have it too but don’t want to go to Drs. What symptoms did you have?

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to Sammy123456789]

I had terrible nose bleeds, hospital twice in 2 weeks, platelet count low and blood would not clot. I knew I had severe liver disease just in denial. Been healthy for 51.5 years and unwell from November. Emergency op. Then Covid, then nose bleeds. Been drinking all my adult life, became a habit and tolerance just increased, able to function at work and family.

[Supportinghubby]

Hi Scooby Doo - I'm guessing you're feeling ashamed because it was caused by alcohol? Apologies if I'm wrong. My husband has cirrhosis, he was a habitual drinker, after the kids went to bed he'd crack open some cans to unwind. As soon as he was diagnosed he stopped drinking (Oct 2018). We told immediate family straight away, not one of them was judgemental. His wider family now know too & all have been supportive. All we wanted to do was support him. I suppose it depends how close you are but you might find they surprise you. If you can, it would be good to have people there you can talk to.

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to Supportinghubby]

Thank you, yes alcohol, evening drinker after work and when kids went to bed (now all grown up) they knew it was a problem, true have not been judgemental to date. My husband drinks every night few beers then once or twice a week a bottle of red wine. Think it should have been something I should have controlled and ignored warning signs, last drink was Sunday, side affects not sleeping and bad dreams

[CocoChannel in reply to Scoobydoo100]

Sorry to hear this, Scooby. As SupportingHubby says, there’s no shame or stigma in discussing alcohol problems nowadays. The side effects of quitting, the bad dreams and not sleeping, are normal unfortunately. It’d be good if your husband could quit, and it could be something you could do together? Hope it works out for you.

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to CocoChannel]

Thank you, yes early days and time to digest

[AyrshireK]

Hi Scoobydoo, the British Liver Trust main website is a must go to for your current circumstances.

They have a page/publication about 'Living with Liver Disease' which includes a section on Who to tell etc. britishlivertrust.org.uk/in...

The whole website is a must read. Their page on cirrhosis will be particularly useful for you in learning about the ins and outs of cirrhosis, things you'll need to be aware of. Another very useful page will be the patient charter page on what to expect from your health care.

britishlivertrust.org.uk/in...

britishlivertrust.org.uk/li...

It might be best and more supportive of you if hubby also reconsidered his future use of alcohol - the BLT page also has a page about alcohol and liver disease.

britishlivertrust.org.uk/in...

All the best,

Katie

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to AyrshireK]

Thank you so much yes very helpful

[h0b0]

Don't be ashamed! Most of us drink too much but I guess some are luckier than others. My partner was diagnosed in 2015 at the age of 54. He wasn't alcoholic but drank in excess. he stopped drinking on diagnosis but unfortunately it was too late. He did however have a transplant 2016 & is doing very well so please DO NOT give up hope. All the very best to you & your family. x

[Scoobydoo100]

Thank you so much, yes biggest fear is life expectancy

[Lam1e]

Hi Scoobydoo100

Please do not be ashamed. You have made a really big decision to accept what has happened and to share what your diagnosis is!

Now is the time to find out more and ask questions and to start getting yourself well and make the changes to do that!

It is not always easy, but

Stop hating yourself for everything you aren’t

Start loving yourself for who you are!

Lesley

[Hidden in reply to Lam1e]

Great supportive post

[Scoobydoo100]

Many thanks, I think I am scaring myself more by keep googling. Have further blood results and follow up call on Wednesday,. Thank you for your kind words.

[Jay1948]

Society is guilty. It is besotted with alcohol, the adverts, the jokes etc. etc. I didn't want people to know at first, now I don't care. These days most people praise you for stopping drinking.. many were interested in how much I drank, being worried about their own consumption! Keeping it to yourself will cause you stress, which you don't need when you stop drinking. Tell people and I think you will be surprised how supportive they will be.

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to Jay1948]

Thank you

[Hidden]

Hello and welcome,

Please do not for one moment feel ashamed or guilty, you will find no judgement here.

Visit our website for information on your diagnosis and if you are in the UK please call our nurse led helpline on 0800 652 7330 Monday to Friday 10am -3pm.

We hope you find the support you need on our forum

Trust1

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Feel great support already. Yes def will call the helpline

[Scoobydoo100]

Thank you, first step just told my husband this morning, ok, but surprised can’t drink again. He is not the most open, emotional person, so sure he is digesting the news in his own time.

[jazzjam in reply to Scoobydoo100]

I think for the partner it is very hard to take in. I told close friends an initially it was a bit awkward, I had to say, don’t feel you need to tiptoe around me or not discuss alcohol or have a drink. Life goes on, just because this happened to me doesn't mean everyone has to stop, at the end of the day there will always be weddings, parties etc.. and you will go, have a good time, and you wont even think about drink.

Now I have noticed people talk to me about their drinking habits, how they think they are drinking too much or wish they could change and how in awe they are of me, which I find very odd 😂.

Take your time, if you don’t want to tell people straight away, don’t, give yourself some breathing space to digest it all yourself.

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to jazzjam]

Thank you, yes I am sure I am making things harder for myself as always supported others, mainly with anxiety,, depression and mental health problems, which more people are starting to talk more about. I think for me this was a secret which the guilt is hard

[jazzjam in reply to Scoobydoo100]

You need to try and ease up on yourself, I know that is hard. We all make long term mistakes. Look at how many heart attacks, diabetes, high cholesterol etc...( the type caused by not eating well or exercising) Fortunately it is not really frowned upon whereas alcohol is much more. I felt guilty more for that reason, how people would view me, what they would think. You will eventually accept that it is what it is and it is done now, you can’t turn back the clock and when you do I think you will feel better. I told close friends and there was a little discussion with them but after that its not talked about really, not avoided though either. I just decided to think, people will think what they think, I cant change that and eventually they will move on to something else. There was a lot of gossip and chinese whispers in the pub but I never got into conversation about it, let them think what they want. (Over the years, in our local, I have apparently been pregnant 4 times, husbands had an affair, we have separated, I have been a lesbian, the list goes on yet none of it is true) People find anything to gossip about. The discussion with my husband was a much deeper conversation and he came then to a few appointments to try and understand.

You look after yourself and don’t beat yourself up. Concentrate on your health and having a happy life 🌻

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to jazzjam]

Thank you so much, yes still early days in digesting it all. I have appt with liver nurse Wednesday to feedback on other blood tests unfortunately back in hospital yesterday afternoon and follow up this morning, due to 5th nose bleed in a month. Getting different advice about cause so a lot to take in. Good for you and your approach with regards to gossip, resiliance great trait. Take care 🌸

[Cb1963]

It's so easy to crack open a bottle of wine or two,and not worry about the health problems, however you have done the right thing by seeking help, you'll find plenty of support from people on this forum, we have all been at different stages of drinking in the past, and there's plenty we can share information wise to help you on your journey to stay sober,of course your health is a priority, so keep in touch with the doctor, and try not to worry, because everyday your not drinking you are giving your liver a chance to get better,for me personally acceptance in knowing I didn't want to drink alcohol anymore made it a lot easier giving up drinking, but we all have our own reasons why we want to stop drinking ,I wish you well in the coming months.

[Scoobydoo100 in reply to Cb1963]

Thank you, yes I have wanted to stop but just became the way to wind down and eventually a way to sleep. I have so much positives in my life, have great family, beautiful daughters , both nurses ,and grandchildren and daughter wedding next year, so was worrying what if...... but I am going to take one day at a time and be guided by the liver team. This forum is brilliant.🌈

[muitnep]

Don’t. It can happen to the best of us.

[Kingsleybones]

Good luck my dear. Look at the news as the beginning of a new journey for you. Sharing can bring you much closer to those you love than hiding behind a bottle has, but all in good time... The people on this site are knowledgable, non judgemental and can help. Sometimes psychotherapy, talking intimately to someone not directly involved can help too. The booze can be a great way of NOT dealing with difficult issues from the past that often lie festering. Vain regret and shame are not usually helpful. Look upon this as a wake up call or a kick in the arse and be of good courage. Love and light xxx

[Cobwebs]

Oh, Scooby, I am in a similar situation but a few months down the line. My husband knows and an old school friend but I haven’t told my parents because we have a very distant relationship. And, believe me, they would be very judgemental despite my father being an alcoholic and my brother’s brain being addled from drug abuse. He is 55 and still lives at home. Can’t cope on his own.

You will find great support on this forum. Non-judgemental and sometimes verging on a bit naughty. I won’t mention names!!

Take care and stick with us. x

Deb

[Scoobydoo100]

Thank you all, your support and kind words are of great comfort at this new and early stage of my journey 🌸🌈

[Linzenilss38]

You seem so going to have it how much were you drinking? I’m worried about myself

[AyrshireK in reply to Linzenilss38]

You keep asking others how much they were drinking and for how long- it really doesn't matter as you can't compare yourself to others. Every single person has differences from age, body size, sex, underlying issues, a 'propensity' for liver damage etc. You can't make comparisons to say "Oh I am drinking more/less than him/her so I am more ill/more well". It totally doesn't work that way. You can only look at your own situation and deal with that - from what you posted a few days ago your scan came back clear which is great so you need to work on improving your own health & I am hoping you have finally made that step towards sobriety. You've been posting here for years now, scared/worried about your situation but not really doing a lot to help yourself unless you have finally taken the step to stop drinking.

[Linzenilss38 in reply to AyrshireK]

Yes I understand that. The scan was 7 months ago and only said liver is normal size and no focal lesions what if they weren’t looking for fatty liver or cirrhosis and I have been drinking daily for 7 months since the scan I’m sure I could cause cirrhosis in that much time

[AyrshireK in reply to Linzenilss38]

As BLT admin said, they would have reported any abnormalities had they been present. 7 months ago your liver wasn't showing signs of damage. The only way to find out if it is ok still would be an up to date scan. BUT you've got to get serious with yourself because there is absolutely no point keep coming on here, scared at the damage you might have done whilst continuing to assault your liver day in day out. I take it from you saying you have drunk daily for the last 7 months that all those tomorrows haven't yet come and you are still drinking.

No one can help you I am afraid if you don't help yourself.

I wish you all the best but do wish you would grab the opportunity to get help and get off the booze before it either does you serious harm or indeed kills you.

Katie