Update on hubby: Morning all.. Reading... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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Update on hubby

lyn3 profile image
lyn3

Morning all.. Reading some of the post is sad to hear some loved ones have passed away. Havent written anything in here for a while so thought i would give up date.

Last time i wrote a friend was given a few hours to live, that was over 2 weeks ago, hes still going bless him... Hubbys appitite isnt very good at the moment. He spends hours and hours in bed, sometimes all day, and when he does get up he is falling asleep after a couple of hours. His legs and belly are swollen, which causes him pain in both . The days when he isnt being sick he feels sick. He complains of a bad chest every day, He point blank refuses to go to the drs. Not sure if this is related but last year he couldnt get enough of the sun, first sign of the sun he used to either sit in the garden or go to the pub and sit in the beer garden, now he refuses to go out in the sun. He said he feels like there is no oxygen. Hes reduced his epilpsey tablet to half. (he started having sezuires a couple of years ago. (hes 52)..Hes been a smoker since he was 13, started drinking alcohol at the age of 14. Hes cut down on his drinking but hes still drinking between 4 and 8 cans of stella and quarter bottle of whiskey a night.

One good quote i love....Remember to the world you are one person, to one person you are their world..Smiles.

Love and hugs to those going through a tough time, to those who have come out the other end congrats.:).

Lyn..

27 Replies

Hi Lyn. I'm really very sorry hubby is still so ill and obviously deteriorating not helped of course by the fact he is still drinking! Is he still refusing help/ councelling to get him off the stuff? You say he still won't see a doctor? Very very sad for you to be watching him destroy himself like this and for so long.

I really dont know what else l can say except well done for being so strong, being there for him and loving him and caring for him the way you are. ❤

Laura xxx

Hi

As Laura said, I’m so sorry you hubby really ill and nothing can stop him from drinking. Stay strong my love. Sending you and hubby lots of love.

Isabelle

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Hi

I'm sorry fir you and your hubby that he is feeling so ill , you are a very strong person. Just wondering, would your Dr do a home visit? Sending lots if love and hugs Lynne

Trust9 profile image
Trust9Administrator

Hello lyn3, so sorry to hear you and your husband are having a difficult time. I am sure you will get lots of support from everyone on here.

The British Liver Trust Helpline is available Mon- Fri 10am - 14.45pm on 0800527330 if you would like further support.

best wishes

Trust9

Afternoon all. Thank you all for your replies,It means alot to be able to just vent in here if nothing else. Yeah he is refusing to go to the drs or get help to get off the booze. Ive come to the realization that no matter what is going on i have to think of myself, which is what i am doing..No his dr wont do a home visit, i have had one dr come out one time to refer to me as a she,, saying to hubby ,right what seems to be the problem, so hubby said im ok, to the drs reply, so why did she ring me to come out, you both need to stop waisting my time , i havent got time for people who refuse help.I did write and complain because he really upset me as i felt like i was trouble/. I am with the same drs and i went there yesterday to ask for some thing to calm me down like valium or something to help me deal with it all and the dr replied we dont give anything out like that anymore (which i know they do) , anything else i can help you with, i said no thanx, he said well you can leave now.So i said thanx for nothing, walked out of there in tears. Just appriecite that i can come on here and talk to you guys. Thank you so much..

CocoChannel profile image
CocoChannel in reply to lyn3

Poor you, Lyn. Your GP isn’t very nice. Are you able to ask for appointment with a different GP for yourself? As an ex-drinker, I agree with the comments about looking after yourself first.

Countrywalks profile image
Countrywalks in reply to lyn3

Thats disgusting those drs being like that with you but i know what you mean my drs are not much better .ive been insulted very badly by one in particular female one she said some comments that were terrible .

lyn3 profile image
lyn3 in reply to Countrywalks

Yeah they arent much help. I guess you always get one in every situation. Apparently there are alot of people that dont like this one particular dr,, i was sat by a 90 years young lady and her daughter and she asked her daughter who were they both seeing, and her daughter said this one dr and she said oh no do we have to see him? I hate him..bless,,,

Countrywalks profile image
Countrywalks in reply to lyn3

Some drs are just bad with people skills so cold and no empathy were others are nice .

lyn3 profile image
lyn3 in reply to Countrywalks

100 percent

Countrywalks profile image
Countrywalks in reply to lyn3

I know your in a difficult situation and the drs should support you and be sympathetic does hubby have much pain ?

lyn3 profile image
lyn3 in reply to Countrywalks

Yeah they should but they dont. I think they still think im drinking and lieing to them which i am not, when i left my first husband i drank a lot so they have that on record but i told them i gave it up when i saw how bad hubby gets,but i guess maybe thats why they treat me like they do, i dont know. Yeah he is in alot of pain with his stomach and legs most of the time,, usually when hes really bad with his stomach he stays in bed because he is usually exausted from being sick or in so much pain he dont want to move for fear of being sick. It used to be that he would be in alot of pain with his stomach but in two days his pains gone, but the last few weeks hes in pain every day.He wont have the dr out or go to the drs because as he says they cant do anything for him and they will suggest hospital and in his words im not ever going to hospital. Ill never coming out and i dont want to die surrounded by strangers, he told me that last year when his friend died in hospital.

Countrywalks profile image
Countrywalks in reply to lyn3

In some ways i understand his fear of hospital i have it too .but it will get to the point when he has to go if he gets really ill they could at least help him make him more comfortable .and take some stress off you knowing hes safe for a while .

The only possibility of getting a home visit is if you call 111. They will ask for symptoms, details of the illness etc etc. They will tell you you will get a call back from a doctor on duty if you are ringing outside surgery hours. They will then arrange to visit. But if they get there and hubby is refusing point blank to ask for help, there is nothing they can do. Sadly it does sound as though your husband has given up on himself and life itself. Have you sat in front of him, held his hands, looked him straight in the eyes and asked him Do you want me to help to recover or do you want to die ? I know its blunt but something inside him may just spur him into thinking living might just be a better alternative.

I know just how hard, frustrating and upsetting all this is for you but he is the only one who can decide what he wants for himself. Alcohol dependents are incredibly selfish and can't and don't want to see the effects it has on their loved ones. Just talk calmly to him about what he wants for his future and then decide how best to deal with yours.

Laura xx

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Hi Lyn

I've just been reading your messages and everyone's supportive replies and I must say I sincerely feel for you and for your husband right now who unfortunately is in denial about his drinking issue!

Can I ask, does he bring in the drink?

My ex husband used to drink similar amounts every night, sometimes a full bottle of whisky or more on top of the larger, so I do understand your concerns and worries.

Like others have said, unless your hubby asked for help then no GP will offer it!

Have you tried contacting the AA to see whether they may have someone who's able to assist you in anyway or your first call should be to the British Liver Trust as they may have an expertise in this field who's able to help or advise you on this situation.

Do either of you have family member that's able to assist or talk to your hubby face to face if your not in that right frame of mind yourself?

All I can say right now is , please try and take care of yourself and remember we're all here !

Loads of love and strength from me to you ! ❤

Trish

Ty all again for your replies...I am making an appointment for myself with a different dr. A few people have said they hate seeing the one dr, unfortunatly he is manager of the practice but i will see another one. You are right laura they wont force him to go in to the hospital. I have had a heart to heart with him on a few occations, ive turned the tv off, sat ,faced him and said calmly you do realise how its going to affect me and others that care and love you when you are no longer here. And he is you will all be better off without me anyway. Besides if i was going to be gone i would have died a few years ago. Hes always got an answer, no matter if im calm with him or if i scream and shout at him. I know you have been there laura so i know you know what im going through. Trish he gets his own drink because the shop is across the road, and no they wont say no to him because he spends alot in there. Just in case the next question is, where does he get his money from? he had alot of compensation when he was assulted and put in hospital (from protecting a woman being assulted by her bf). I do have a couple of friends that support me in as many ways as they can. I only have one sister ( i have loads of siblings but dont talk to them) and she dont want to get involved in talking to him because she finds it awrkward to talk to him. Hes fallen out with his parents and brother who have given him a hard time over drink but they themselves refuse not to drink when he is around. I even tried to get him to come to church with me a few years ago to talk with someone who i know was on his death bed because of drink (but he is fit and well now) and to be fair he came and talked to the guy but when we got back they mocked him, so i said he cant win , if he is drinking loads its wrong, if he goes to church to better himself its wrong. So no support there.

Problem is when he is really ill he talks about giving up the drink, but when he is feeling ok, he thinks he is well and goes and buys his drinks.

Take care

Lyn..

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Hidden in reply to lyn3

Oh poo ! I'd just written you a long reply and was just about to press send and my dog knocked a water bowl everywhere and I lost it!

Firstly its such a shame that shop is just across the road as this situation it's not helping him or you.

I can remember my abusive ex 2 weeks after his major quadruple heart by pass driving to the off licence to buy 2 bottles of whisky whilst his chest was still pinned up, he'd drunk almost one bottle by the time I came home from work! Unfortunately he died years later of another heart attack and cirrhosis of the liver ! His partner also died of cirrhosis and her daughter too aged 34 two years ago of over dose. I paid for his funeral and towards her daughters who had no family. I was re married then !,

I know this maybe a stupid question and maybe it's something you both cannot handle right now! Would you both consider moving out of the area? Maybe theres some memories that he needs to get away from! Possibly the assault, does he need to speak to someone about that ?

Lyn I'm sorry I cannot give any more advice, it's now down to your your hubby to stop drinking!

I'm here if you need someone to scream at when your at your lowest, but in the meantime I'll leave you in Laura's capable hands but I'm here too!

Please take care Lyn and I'm thinking about you.

Love Trish xxx

lyn3 profile image
lyn3 in reply to Hidden

Naughty dog..Its mad the lengths people go to..Awe and sad for his new wife and daughter, so many people die from it and we dont realise until your in the situation yourself. Oh im happy to move any where but he wont, i have said about moving to a nice country place with no pub, and he says you can but i was born here and grew uip here ,,take care..

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Hidden in reply to lyn3

Hi Lyn

Unfortunately my ex did not get engaged or married to his female mobster partner !

A lovely friend of mine who was the first person I ever opened up to suggest I write a book based on what I'd briefly told him about, unfortunately that passion's no longer there!

All I'm going to say is , we had a beautiful home, two amazing children who are both now extremly successful which was totally down to me working 7 days a week, three jobs and 4 hours sleep each night for around 8 years! His new partners daughtet was put into.my care by the police and social workers due to the constant beatings and burns she received from the age of 2!!!

Anyway I could go on but I'm finishing now!

Please take care of yourself ! I mean that !

Love Trish xxx

lyn3 profile image
lyn3 in reply to Hidden

Thank you slaines, that is so sad concerning their daughter. Im glad to hear your children are successful. :)

Lyn im going to send you a pm regarding his assalt xxxx

Oh dear Lyn, I am so so sorry for the impossible situation you are in with your Hubby. Sadly, he is the only one who can make the decision to get help to stop drinking, and you, unfortunately are an unwilling spectator in his downfall. I wish I had a good idea to help you, but it seems from your post, you have tried everything. Please keep posting here, as it will help you sound off about your frustrations with him. My thoughts and prayers are with you both, and please don't forget to look after yourself, as you are a sufferer in this as well. Take care,

David

lyn3 profile image
lyn3 in reply to davianne

Thank you david .:X

H

Hello Lyn, So sorry to read about your hubby.I just loss my Fiance he drank also and could not stop the demon. He passed away july 22,2019 he had lived 10years.My heart is heavy but i know he is at peace. ,His liver just died that night.i will pray for you,be strong his time is near..Take care of yourself.He is in God's hands.if you need to chat just msg me..God Bless You.

Thank you sugartaffy, sorry to hear about your fiance.Sending you hugs..

Well hubbys been in bed since sat early hours after being sick and in a lot of pain. Its good news because means he isnt drinking the alcohol but he hardly drinks any other fluid either. Had a hard day yesterday because a dear friend of mine who i mentioned passed away early hours sunday morning. He suffered so much had prostate cancer, another reason being so angry with the drs because he kept being told he had piles and because he knew something wasnt right he was there alot and demanded they do a cancer check and to shut him up they done one.Took them 8 months. He suffered for 4 years, i have lost all faith in drs now.

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