As I said before to little to latexx - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust
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As I said before to little to latexx

Ajeb75
Ajeb75
31 Replies

As you might now be aware i lost my husband chris on 29 of december 2018 this year yes its fresh and heartbreaking!!! I must post that I was in the dark and so was he no one told him till april this year he was in liver failure he drunk yes lots of lager in the evenings on and off no one told him stop before this the damage was done back in 2001 when he lost his mum he cared for I weren't with him then....bless he drunk white cider morning till night went into detox before I met him n regressed back on the cider...I weren't aware of the problems with his liver he had cirrhosis but no ongoing care...his veins burst in his stomach and that's when I became aware but still no ongoing treatment or restricted to alcohol young n stupid we enjoyed life until he had sepsis 2 years ago then the specialists kicked in still no restriction to alcohol as no visable changes in his liver then it all came crashing down within 9 months....and sadly I am here with our 9 year old son no answers to the questions I want answered...he didn't drink morning to night he drunk on and off his liver didn't understand what was happening...his specialist who involved the last 2 years didn't have the time or day your classed as having alcholic liver disease your fault help yourself and he did they were to little to late please keep going ask questions push for answers don't leave them give up on your close ones because to little to late not good enough I can go on but negligence within the nhs will never come to light and I have to face life with I was not informed...why...when what happened forever keep fighting in memory of myself my so and most importantly my husband xxxxx

31 Replies
oldestnewest
Ajeb75

my son myself and my husband xxx fight guys guys fight

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GrandmaDylan

I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be so difficult for your son. My sister was just 8 years old when our dad died aged 49 from cancer. He had smoked since he was 14 and there was no awareness of the danger of smoking at that time. She is so angry at him even after 36 years and I try to explain that it was a different time and world back then. Take care of each other. Deb

4 likes
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Ajeb75
Ajeb75
in reply to GrandmaDylan

We will he didn't see him as a drinker as he grows older he will discover that the school was bad xx

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Ajeb75
Ajeb75
in reply to Ajeb75

Alcohol I meant x

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FuzzyWasShe

Oh gosh, Ajeb... I am SO sorry for your loss. 💔

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Tawy35

Sorry to hear abt what you are going through and hope you will be able to find peace.

I am really fighting to find answers so that I can be able to see my kids grow and will do all i can t get help.

But u sound strong and i am sure you will mk it through for the sake of your son

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Yuiop

My heart bleeds for you. Agnes x

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Hidden
Hidden

Im sorry for your loss. So many members on this site are fighting to have more awareness made about alcohol and its dangers. Was it varices bleeding that took him?or liver failure?

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Ajeb75
Ajeb75
in reply to Hidden

Liver failure sadly causing multi organ failure xx

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Ajeb75

I hate to bring up sad memories for you but can you share what happened and how..symptoms , time etc. If you don't mind. I'm trying to understand my husbands situation as he is now. If its too hard I understand. My prayers go out to you.

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Trust1
Trust1Administrator

We send you our sincere condolences. Our helpline is open tomorrow from 10am if you need to have a chat.

Warm wishes

Trust1

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solybananas

Sorry to here your loss, all I can wish you both is that the future is full of good things to come. Time is a great healer

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Radnor

Sincere condolances to you and your son. Losing a loved one is painful, especially so when a child loses a parent at a young age. There is legislation in place now, which protects our confidential matters and this includes medical issues. The criteria for a liver transplant has one mater that all those addicted to alcohol must adhere to. That is stop drinking. Your husband would have been advised he needed to stop drinking. He also had the right to insist that you are not informed of this. As I read your sad story my mind was taken straight back to my last relationship. He drank lager and cider. A few weeks after we met e was diagnosed with a rare deadly throat cancer. I thought his increase in drinking was down to the fear,worry etc. I stuck by him and he was very fortunate. He had only a 3% chance of this cancer being totally removed, No other options for treating it. He was detoxed beforehand, the medical team where ecstatic that they had succeeded. He continued to recover and swore he would not smoke or drink ever again, he had been blessed. He lasted 2 weeks. Tried low alcohol beer but he was soon back to 8 pints a day! He used to say your not a real man if you you cant drink 8 pints! Said he never hid what he drank and as he didnt touch wine or spirits he was in no danger. It was pointless arguing . He was just happier and dafter after drinking, but this changed. He became mean and didnt treat me like he had. I tried to explain to him I would not accept this, but he carried on. I stuck by him when he had cancer, but I realised he was in total denial about drinking. I didnt ever ask him to stop,I knew that this decision had to be his choice and his alone. I eventually ended it, he told me to F off in a busy restaurant. I was ashamed of him and embarrassed. It was hard, I did have feelings for him. but I didnt want to watch him commit slow suicide. You must stop feeling you didnt do enough, get enough information and get him to stop drinking. He will have ensured you were not given any information, In his own way he may have been protecting you, he knew exactly what would happen, but he couldn't/ wouldn't stop. There are several women on here who witnessed their husband continuing to drink, and losing them. Knowing made no difference, they could not change their loved ones addiction. Bereavement affects everyone differently, but you have your lovely boy to recall the happier times you shared with his Dad. Data protection is to blame for you not being informed. The doctors will have given your man choices, his refusal to stop is why he wasn't treated differently. You have nothing at all to reproach yourself for. Take care of yourself and your little one. Only time heals the pain unfortunately Hazelx

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Pizamkazdw

I am sorry this great tragedy has happened to you. Although, the NHS doctors are mostly amazing and save plenty of lives each hour, mistakes do happen and you need to be sure you have all the answers you are entitled too. Might be a good idea to request the medical records and have them professionally analysed? Nothing will bring your husband back and a father to your 9 year old boy but you deserve to know, have a closure and possible compensation to help you cope with what life will throw at you next. I have you both in my thoughts and keep my fingers crossed.

2 likes
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Ajeb75
Ajeb75
in reply to Pizamkazdw

How do I request his medical records xx thanks all you are a blessingg to me and our son x

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Pizamkazdw
Pizamkazdw
in reply to Ajeb75

UK hospitals have a place called PALS and they have the form you can request. You can also google the procedure individually for each hospital.

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Ajeb75
Ajeb75
in reply to Pizamkazdw

What professional would I need to look over the documents thank you xxxxxxx

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Pizamkazdw
Pizamkazdw
in reply to Ajeb75

Any law practice would be able to assist you, if you don't have funds, no claim no fee lawyers can help

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Radnor
Radnor
in reply to Pizamkazdw

Do you really consider that someone with such serious liver failure was never told to stop drinking. I know there are good and bad medics, but I totally disagree with your suggestions. PALS is not the place to ask and the chances of this poor lady's husband never being told to stop drinking is totally unbelievable. The only scenario this would likely be possible is if he saw no medics and was admitted to hospital with fatal liver and other organ failure? Even those of us with non alcohol related liver disease still get asked do we drink and if so how much? I am no stranger to fighting the cause for people when they are not being heard, but in this case seeing solicitors is going cause more stress and very likely disappointment too.

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Pizamkazdw
Pizamkazdw
in reply to Radnor

Everyone is entitled to their medical records. No matter if a mistake did or did not happen. Why are you so cross about this? She wants some answers. A third party expert will be able to go through them in an unbiased way and explain what actually was likely to happen. That's an option that people should be informed about. Whether they are going to use it or not- it's their choice but the option is a legal right.

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Radnor
Radnor
in reply to Pizamkazdw

I am not angry merely pointing out how to obtain the records, having already travelled this path. This lady is newly bereaved and understandbly she wants some answers. That said I cannot see how her husband was never told to cease drinking? This is her immediate need. She is grieving, she is also caring for their 9 year old son who has just lost his Dad. She is devastated and had no idea just how sick her husband was. If you read my other replies to her you perhaps will comprehend it better. As she was totally unaware of how dangerous her husband's drinking was to him. If this can be evidenced that he was never told to cease drinking then further down the line there would be a potential case. Being a realist however, do you seriously consider he was never told? If he did not wish his wife to know this then under Data Protection the medics could not inform his wife. She seems to be feeling responsible for not fighting harder to save him? It is not unheard of that some people do not want their loved ones to be informed where an incurable condition is diagnosed.

5 likes
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Pizamkazdw
Pizamkazdw
in reply to Radnor

Ok, I see your point. I think she should know the option is available to her should she want to try it.

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Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Radnor

Agreed fully. This is a tragedy no doubt. But there is no way a doctor or 2 or 3 all never mentioned to stop drinking. You cant end up in a hospital with a bleeding varices and have a doctor not say to stop drinking. Its also a bit of common sense to not drink in such a condition. So if he said he was never warned I cant buy that and a court of law wouldnt buy it either. So I wouldnt personnaly think that trying to persue legal action is a good idea or fair to the doctors involved. However if you want to get the records by all means do so. I personnally would also try and obtain all the ones from the start of his disease forward. I will almost guarantee there will be documentation in there about him being told to stop drinking.

3 likes
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Ajeb75
Ajeb75
in reply to Hidden

When he had varices no one told him it was related to the liver he had no specialist after this episode I don't want nothing from this only clarification to what happened in between only when he had sepsis many years later he had a specialist it don't matter what matters now is u lovely people who r suffering don't go un recognised alcoholic liver and so on fight guys cause if u don't ask u end up where I am with no answers no clarification his specialist I see him everyday in my eyes what a beaut he will haunt me forever pity he didn't practise what he preached xx jeep fighting guys please

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Hidden
Hidden

My heart goes out to you and your son. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

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Smyally

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your son x

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Radnor

You can get this information under Freedom of Information Legislation. Ring the hospital and ask who deals with this. Usually called an FOI officer. You would be best to put it in writing. You need the dates applicable ie from when he first saw someone re his liver. You can do the same re his GP explaining to both in particular regarding his liver. Data Protection is no longer applicable when someone passes away. I know your hurting and trying to make sense of all this. If you make an appointment to see his GP you may discover he was advised to stop drinking? I would be very surprised if he had never been advised to stop by anyone. Once you get the information you can read it yourself first. Its so hard to accept the possible fact that he knew of the dangers, but his addiction was too strong for him to stop. He would have to have demonstrated he was on board with this. Sadly there is nothing you could have done, It would have to be his decision and actions. One of the first questions a consultant would have asked or even a nurse is how much alcohol do you consume a day. If he was never told to stop drinking I would be dismayed. I doubt any solicitor who is not just out to make money, would tell you the same. No win no fee solicitors still have to examine all the facts. often they will only take on cases that is cast iron. I totally understand you need answers, however I very much doubt you will discover your man was not advised to stop drinking. Hazelx

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Ajeb75

I need help to fight this I know right from wrong I want sweet nothing but if it saves one of lovely loved ones on here I won't give up the fight xx

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Marydel63

Sorry for your loss, you know some people can drink a lot and never have liver problems, non drinkers can get cirrhosis. I think a lot also has to do with genetics. Sorry help was too late. You have your beautiful son to bring up, we will keep asking and keep fighting, thanks for your support . Hugs

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Tashadog

Sorry for your loss,i have been there 10 years ago with 2 children,but my husband died of a rare liver cancer at the age of 43, just wanted to just say my children kept me going and life as a way of moving on.wish yu well.

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Hidden
Hidden

I am so sorry for your loss and I hate to bring back memories but as I write this I'm thinking of my husband who is barely hanging in in home care. Can I ask what happened that eventually took your loved one. My husband is a total invalid not able to function one bit get out of bed , talk, eat etc..he has stage 4 liver disease and we've battled it 2yrs for sure. He is once again filling with fluid even though he was just drained 2weeks ago. I just wonder how much longer he can go. I thought I was prepared for his death until I walked out of the home care the other night and seen a body being put in a hearse. I lost it. The suffering and changes in my husband is often unbearable to see from someone who was full of life.

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