Loosing my dad....

[nataliepotter1980]

Hi

I've posted on here a while ago but not recently. I lost my dad to cirrhosis in September 2017. Since then I've been through a mixture of emotions, which I know is all part of grief. However at the moment I really feel the medical team let him down and I didn't fight hard enough for him. He started to get really ill with cirrhosis in the November and couldn't eat it took till the February until he was admitted and his stomach was full. Of acid which he recieved anti biotics for and could eventually eat.. But the started to get regular accetis. He was told in March they were referring him for a transplant but he didn't see anyone till end of August. Who said straight away he needed to go on a feeding tube.. Unfortunately. Dad was very confused and pulled the tube out and the Dr (not the transplant consultant) stated it wouldnt make any difference and said we should stop treatment. Through out the time from. March onwards no dietian were visiting or trying to ensure he was sustaining his health which he was trying to do.. But couldn't really eat. I feel angry why it took so long to see a proper consultant.. Why there was no wrap around dietian advise or services, why he wasn't offered a feeding tube sooner, and i also blame myself I didn't take dad to see the consultant private straight away as I know he would've given him the feeding tube earlier and monitored him. Dad wasnt under a specialised liver unit and I feel he suffered for this.. I'm in two minds whether to right a meter of complaint to put across my side, but I also think what difference will it make.

I just feel so guilty that I couldve done more.. Dad was a good dad and I don't think realised he was killing himself or chose not to listen.

I'm not sure what I'm expecting as the thought of any place saying yes maybe we should've done this sooner.. Scares me so much too.

Guess I just wanted someone to listen.

Regards

[Berosie]

Hi Nataliepotter1980 I’m sorry to hear that you lost someone you loved the most. Don’t blame yourself for what happed to your dad. I’m sure you did everything you could to the best of your knowledge. But life is one way and isn’t reversible. You can’t get your dad back no matter you do. You must put yourself first. If challenging the med team can make you happier and help breakthrough your grief. Or benefit others who is suffering same illness.It’s worth to do that. But if it brings back more stress and painful memory. You need think about it is the right time to do. I wish you all the best.cheer up☝️🙌

[Kingsleybones]

So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. Grief is a powerful emotion and can not but reflect in pain how much we love and miss the person we have lost. If it is of any comfort it is very common that we turn it upon ourselves and blame ourselves or others for our loved ones death. There seems to be a strange comfort in doing that. My ex’s mum, bless her, blames his GP for not looking after her son properly at the end of his life, even though he spent a good 30years drinking himself to death. So I don’t know whether you should make a formal complaint. I agree that it might help others in his situation and that people with liver disease are not always treated with the consideration they need in today’s nhs. But whatever you decide try not to blame yourself. You did your best and I am sure that your dad felt that too. Be kind to yourself now. That is very important too.

[Mandy1983]

Gosh, I totally feel I know what your going through .Anger,sadness,loneliness as you loved him and grief an guilt.for the latter it was not your fault.it won't bring him back to complain I know that too .However IFF they have not treated him properly and you know this I would complain as it could help others in future from being denied the basic human care.only you know how you feel about THIS. Please be kinder to yourself,time will overcome you with better memories of good times and I know that will take time.You must look to your future for your dad would want you to take good care of yourself as he sounds like he suffered enough and wouldn't want his own daughter suffering ASWELL. Stop an think today of what you could do to make a happy memory for him.maybe a plaque of a favourite picture or a watch if his you could wear in memory of him feel his warmth an know you really tried your best .many hugs an kisses I'm sure he would send you off seeing you now .so please take care an have I send hugs to you.give yourself time to grieve your dad's loss.xxxxx hugs n loves me

[nataliepotter1980 in reply to Mandy1983]

Thank you there are lots of happy memories and my little boy keeps me going. X

[Catherine2017]

Hi so sorry about your loss. I loss my dad 37 years ago to Chrosis and I think of him and miss him everyday. I too have wonderd if I did everything I could to help him. I now have been diagnosed with Chrosis as of May 2016 . So hang in there I'm sure you did everything you could have. Hugs