Loss

[Foxman555]

Hi people.

I thought if I made a concerted effort I would get my partner back, she's having none of it, doesn't want to talk to me, doesn't want to see me, she's made it plainly clear she wants nothing to do with me, I've lost not just a partner but a friend, a confident, and all of her family, I'm thinking where do I go from here, I'm at my daughter's but just one sniff of alcohol and I'm out, all the self pity gang just play your violins elsewhere, this is real, and I'm hurting because I've been a total waster, my new life if I had one superpower I'd have hindsight, thanks folks keep up the good work you always do.

Best wishes Jeff x

[Chelle_]

The thing is you’ve not had a drink since Thursday if I’m right, which is great. But as far as your partner is concerned she’s possibly seen and heard it all before. You need to give her space and prove you have changed. Start being the person you want to be and she will either like it or you will move on. You need to get sober and healthy for you not to win someone back. She needs to learn to trust you again, things take time!

Good luck!

[Millie09]

Hi jeff, first off as i said on another post, its way way too early in your recovery to even contemplate any relationship. This is a long road ahead of you, my god it took me 2 years before the dry dunk went away.. yes i relapsed when my dad passed but i was poorly and re thought my way of dealing with it..give your ex time and space. As chelle said, she has obviously been here before. Yes i know you hurt jeff but don't beat yourself up. Xx

[Foxman555 in reply to Millie09]

It's just that last year I lost my dad he had a massive bleed in his brain, then my mum went she had a triple A, so I just wanted things to be smooth, I did get drunk and said some nasty things to her, I've never been violent, in fact my ex used punch me kick me use ant object on me to hurt me, I'm determined to get through and not turn to alcohol, which i would have done in the past

Best wishes Jeff xx

[Millie09 in reply to Foxman555]

Aww im sorry to hear that jeff..tough times hey. Been through it myself. Did not really know my mum, all.i can remember was illness and hospitals etc.. she died 29yrs ago aged just 50.

Good for you!! Im liking the determination, you will have your bad days but just go with the flow as i do. Take care.. Linda x

[Foxman555]

Hi Linda, people expect to fail, but I'm going to prove them wrong, I'm just taking it day by day, now my diabetes is playing up, sugars were 2.9 I think I was sort semi conscious, just eating some chocolate, lovely but needed.

Thanks Linda take care xx

[Hidden]

Jeff pleaeaeaeaease listen to all the great advice you've been given by so many people on here and dont ignore it anymore. Good for your daughter saying any sniff of booze and you're out! Drinking isn't the cure to any bad situation you think you are in, it will just quadruple it. It's like you have a death wish or something. Get some regular 1 to 1 councelling and get shot of that poison for good before you lose everyone !!

[Barnetaccounts]

Hi Jeff, your story is one I have heard often. As an active alcoholic we will use any excuse to get away with it. As has been said your partner has heard it all before, “never again” “I promise” just as my wife did. It wasn’t until I made the commitment to stop for ME could things begin to change and to regain the trust of those I had hurt the most took a long time. When I made that decision, I knew I couldn’t do it alone, so I went to AA. 15 years later I still attend because I have made lifelong friends there, and I learn how to handle things that I thought were impossible. I’ve seen people lose children to disease and they never had to pick up a drink, so when my Mum died, I knew I could get through it without drinking and I did. They taught me to laugh again, and boy do I laugh now. I am allergic to Alcohol plain and simple. If I was allergic to nuts or fish I would avoid them at all costs, there is no other answer. AA is not for everybody, nor does it have to be, but thank god it was for me because with the help of the fellowship of AA and the wonderful people who go there I am now a free man. I can go where I like, when I like with who I like, and if that isn’t freedom I don’t know what is. They have a telephone help office, look it up, speak to someone on the phone, you do not have to identify yourself, do this with an open mind, and you may well be pleasantly surprised. “The journey of a thousand miles always begins with one step”

Ray

[Foxman555 in reply to Barnetaccounts]

Don't quite understand what you mean by excuse, my mum and dad died within months of each other, am I not allowed to grieve for them, bereavement hits people differently and in no particular order, try reading Katherine Khuble Ross on the 5 stages of grief, and for all you fucked up people who think I'm wallowing in self pity, jog on, it's good you found the AA useful, I've tried it, can anybody on here say truthfully that they've completed12 commandments, it has to belong to you, you are the one whose going to become abstinent for life.

[Barnetaccounts in reply to Foxman555]

Firstly I never said you can’t grieve. Secondly do you want to stop drinking or don’t you. In life we all face challenging events, it’s how we deal with them is what really counts. I resent the tone of your response, and haven’t said you are wallowing in self pity either. You either want help or you don’t and what becomes patently obvious is you don’t want to take any responsibility for your actions. Sometimes the truth can hurt. I will just ignore your future posts. Just for clarity they are called the 12 steps not commandments and no one has ever asserted that they have maintained these steps all at the same time. The first step starts - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - now if that doesn’t describe you I apologise but it certainly describes me.

[Foxman555 in reply to Barnetaccounts]

You will have to excuse me, I seem to have a battle going on in my head, one is saying just go out who is bothered, the other is telling me not to screw this up, I've come along way for me, I know it sounds whimsical, but it's me who has to take responsibility for any actions I take, I'm hoping it's the latter one.