Missing dad

Missing my dad... it's been 3 months and it's hard for me to believe I will not be able to talk to my dad ever again. I go about with my days and with my job but I think about it ALL the time. The leading up until his passing, being his caregiver, the ups and the downs (in the last mos but also years), conversations had, the passing itself. Everything! All the emotions that come not only with death but with an alcoholic death. Sometimes I will listen to a voice mail from him when I want to hear his voice. Lately I've been thinking hard about where you go when you pass away. Like where is he? What happens? Is it like before you are born when you are not aware? Or are you somewhere in heaven? I know there are not answers only what one believes in I'm just saying my dad dying made me think so much harder about all of this! My mom believes in heaven but she believes the person has to believe in it to go there and she doesn't know what my dad believed. Who knows. I did get a tattoo with his handwriting (from a card he gave me- he signed ALL his cards this way). I'm attaching a picture. Thanks for listening.

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Jeannieb12

a year ago

Your post left me tearful. I along with many others will know exactly how you are feeling. My Dad passed away 28 years ago yet still now I can remember the sequence of events. I thought every day at 6pm (when he died), then every Thursday at 6pm, then every 5th and so on. I was a mess for a long time ... Years not months yet back at work after the funeral and living my life as normal. It will and does get better. You never lose the feeling of loss just adapt to being a 'child' who has no Dad anymore and envy people that do. Now I can look back with a smile and without tears except last Monday when my brother got married at 60 and I knew my Dad would have been ecstatic. My Dad wasn't a believer he was a questioner ... An agnostic he called himself ... Yet I believe he is in heaven and that I'll see him again. Your pain will pass and become warm comforting memories you can wear like an old cardigan. Bless you. Jean X

Geffy22

Lperica10 Hi hun, I just thought I'd share with you a few examples of how my hubby has been back to see us...

After her passed away it was a complete shock and I felt like I was in the bottom of a big pit, not seeing, hearing and being by-passed by the world. We had two kids 14 and 13 and they both nose dived too. I couldn't help them because I couldn't help myself.

Lying in bed the Saturday after his funeral, I felt the mattress move, like someone had put their knee against it to wake me up - this is what my hubby did every Saturday morning when he brought me a bacon butty and coffee in bed. I waited and it happened again, so I said, 'Ray is that you? I hope you're OK, we miss you.' it nudged a third time and he was gone.

I'm self employed, so I also stopped working which meant money was very tight. He had a business and the utility bill needed paying - of course it was a quarterly bill so was astronomical! I had no idea how I would pay the bill and found myself on my own in the living room one Saturday afternoon, so I switched on the tv and channel 4 was on. it was grand national day. It reminded me of my dad as he'd taken us many times to the grand national and i recalled him telling me they always show the winner before the race. Anyways the last words my hubby said to me was 'special, special', so when the commentator who was talking to a trainer said but it was special, special (pause) to win the Irish national' it made me sit up and pay attention to which horse he was talking about. It was Rule the World. I rushed to my laptop and placed a bet each way on Rule the World using a free bet and then saw the favourite on the screen, so did an each way bet on the forecast. I won enough to pay the utility bill that day.

I'm a scientist, I think Einstein was right “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another” so there must be something after life.

Time gives you the ability to manage your grief better, the loss never goes away, but one day you will feel a little more able to cope and whilst you might take two steps forward and one back, you will know that you are managing better.

xoxoxoxo

Lperica10

in reply to Geffy22

Thank you so much for sharing your story. He is often in my dreams. A lot actually. I miss him so much. I lost my house key and I looked everywhere. When I stopped by his house to get his mail the key was right in front of me on his porch. Also my mom recently moved and when I went to visit her after he passed she asked me to go to church with her. The minister told a story about a woman who's dad passed... and it was too coincidental that I was there that day (I hadn't been in church for years let alone a church 6 hours from my house). Also when I found a home for his cat after trying everything for 2 months (it was harder than I thought to find a home and I was going to have to put her in a shelter), I was driving home after dropping the cat off and the sun shone through 1 cloud and lit up the whole sky. He loved his cat so much and I KNOW my dad was happy that I found her a home. Thank you for sharing and for listening.

Jahida

Your post made me sad. I lost my father in September due to COPD and eventually he had pneumonia and that is what killed him. It has been hard and seeing him suffer so much prior to death, it was difficult. Me and my siblings are finding it hard and the house seems so quiet without him. He was with me throughout my journery of liver transplant and regardless of how his health was, he stayed near my hospital until I was better. He used to sit beside me and pray.

I am a Muslim so our beliefs are of course different like all other religions. We believe we will reunite with him in the hereafter if we are good people. In the meantime we do a lot of charity for him. So we help our relatives or give money to the poor in different countries. Before he passed away, there was a new mosque near our house. He would go to pray there 4 times a day and he was so eager to see the mosque's building work to finish. Sadly because he was not mobile before he passed away, it was impossible to take him there but he wanted to help towards the cost of building the mosque. He took charity from me many times for that! My brother went to choose a lovely chandelier for the mosque that other day which is from us all.

He told us to be good people before he passed away and to be kind and considerate with everyone so we tend to keep all that in mind. I have a large family so we do spend time with them all.

But there are days when his absence hits me like a tornado and all I do is cry. I pray 5 times a day and that brings peace to my mind.

Something else you could perhaps do is voluntary work? For example visiting liver patients in hospital?

I really hope you find some ease and comfort soon.

Regards

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