Missing dad

Missing dad

Missing my dad... it's been 3 months and it's hard for me to believe I will not be able to talk to my dad ever again. I go about with my days and with my job but I think about it ALL the time. The leading up until his passing, being his caregiver, the ups and the downs (in the last mos but also years), conversations had, the passing itself. Everything! All the emotions that come not only with death but with an alcoholic death. Sometimes I will listen to a voice mail from him when I want to hear his voice. Lately I've been thinking hard about where you go when you pass away. Like where is he? What happens? Is it like before you are born when you are not aware? Or are you somewhere in heaven? I know there are not answers only what one believes in I'm just saying my dad dying made me think so much harder about all of this! My mom believes in heaven but she believes the person has to believe in it to go there and she doesn't know what my dad believed. Who knows. I did get a tattoo with his handwriting (from a card he gave me- he signed ALL his cards this way). I'm attaching a picture. Thanks for listening.

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  • Aaaaaaw x Our Dad is coming home later today after having had a long stint in Hospital, us being told he would die 4times, having a Pacemaker fitted. He is 80yrs young! The Medical Team couldn't believe his progress. He has Parkinsons Disease& his mobility is very minimal. We have never given up on him once. I am in total awe of his stoical will to live. I really do feel for you. We lost my Mum in 1999 & never thought he would survive without her. You must honour your Dad's Memory & know that (depending on your beliefs) he will be by your side, watching over you in Spirit. Good Bless. Your tattoo is to forever there to remind you in times of trouble and also in the Good times that he is with you xxxx

  • Thank you, your reply made me feel good. Great to hear your father is still with you. We were told my dad would die several times over the years and he always proved them wrong. Which in a way made him feel "like it would never happen to him" "that they were wrong" or that he was invincible. In 2012 he was in a coma close to passing and came back and was told if you continue to drink you have a year to live. Well he made it 4 more. But anyway thank you for sharing and enjoy time with your dad. My dad was 63. Which makes me sad, upset, and angry. But like you just said you never gave up on your dad I can say I never gave up on mine either. Even when it felt like everyone did I never left him.

  • You sound like you did everything you could for your Dad. Did he ever accept that he may pass over? Some people don't accept it.

  • Thank you. Well that's a hard question..., deep deep down he knew. I know he knew and he was VERY terrified of dying. Nearing the end he asked me if I thought everything they were doing to him (trying dialysis, lots of meds, etc). if I thought it would work... he and I both knew the truth. And he did tell me days before dying that he should've been closer with me and my sisters. And a month before dying he told me he really f*cked up. And that's the only time I ever heard him take any responsibility ever and I knew he knew.

  • You sound like you did all you could. Sometimes the unspoken words are so profound that they are intangible xxxx He will always be with you. Listen to his advice when you hear it..... it will be that voice in your head that makes you think twice about any decisions.

  • Thanks I do hear him and things he would say.

  • I KNOW WHt u meAN MY DADDY WAS VERY ILL WITH CIRRIOS AND HEP C AND PANCREACITIS and he died on my bdAY NOV2 IM GOING THREW IT SO BAD I KNOW HE KNEW HE WAS DYING And i miss him so m uch just the thought of never have to see him ever again hurts me badly im 39 yearsa old he was a great father and drs took him way to soon overdosed him even if he knew he wasa leaving they had him so overdosed i lost my last times with him not faur im sorry for ur lost trust me it gets easier thenm harder then easy again to learn ti live without ur best friend n daddy is hARD

  • I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing your story.

  • Hi, it's not easy and feel for you as well as hope you are well.

    I cared and nursed my mom and dad for many years through their illnesses and do so miss them. but I always know that they are about me always in some way. I also feel that no matter what I was very privileged and glad to be with them at their passing. Always remember all the laughs and jokes and never hesitate to be so proud to share all with everyone those laughs and how much you miss him, like your tattoo, because like my dad no matter what, he was and always will be YOUR Dad.

  • Thank you that made me feel better. I was with my dad at his passing too. I am so sorry for your losses as well. And you are right he will always be my dad.

  • I lost my dad too

    Some days are better than others, some days I feel he's around me other days I feel alone. Time doesn't heal it just gets you used to the absence.

    Thinking of you xxxx

  • Thank you that's how I feel too. So sorry for your loss as well.

  • Having nearly died myself I've thought long and hard about what happens after death.

    I'm certainty not religious in the traditional sense and the idea of a heaven just seems too unlikely. However the human consciousness is something very special. The sum of all the parts of a person does not account for it, so where does it go?

    Whatever you believe in the hard facts are that the matter that you are made up from have been around since the start of the universe and they will be around until the end. We are made from atoms created in stars, we came from the universe and we will return to it. We never really die in that sense.

  • Thank you. He has to be out there somewhere.

  • Your post left me tearful. I along with many others will know exactly how you are feeling. My Dad passed away 28 years ago yet still now I can remember the sequence of events. I thought every day at 6pm (when he died), then every Thursday at 6pm, then every 5th and so on. I was a mess for a long time ... Years not months yet back at work after the funeral and living my life as normal. It will and does get better. You never lose the feeling of loss just adapt to being a 'child' who has no Dad anymore and envy people that do. Now I can look back with a smile and without tears except last Monday when my brother got married at 60 and I knew my Dad would have been ecstatic. My Dad wasn't a believer he was a questioner ... An agnostic he called himself ... Yet I believe he is in heaven and that I'll see him again. Your pain will pass and become warm comforting memories you can wear like an old cardigan. Bless you. Jean X

  • Thank you, I believe I will see him again, I want to believe that. I don't know what he believed he didn't say. And yes it is times like your brothers wedding and such that will be so so hard. I have 2 sisters and none of us have kids yet and I know my dad would have loved to be a grandfather. Thanks again for sharing.

  • It's so sad when you lose a loved onee. When you think of him and speak to him he will listen to you. The memories will never fade.

  • Thank you I never want any of them to fade.

  • Lperica10 Hi hun, I just thought I'd share with you a few examples of how my hubby has been back to see us...

    After her passed away it was a complete shock and I felt like I was in the bottom of a big pit, not seeing, hearing and being by-passed by the world. We had two kids 14 and 13 and they both nose dived too. I couldn't help them because I couldn't help myself.

    Lying in bed the Saturday after his funeral, I felt the mattress move, like someone had put their knee against it to wake me up - this is what my hubby did every Saturday morning when he brought me a bacon butty and coffee in bed. I waited and it happened again, so I said, 'Ray is that you? I hope you're OK, we miss you.' it nudged a third time and he was gone.

    I'm self employed, so I also stopped working which meant money was very tight. He had a business and the utility bill needed paying - of course it was a quarterly bill so was astronomical! I had no idea how I would pay the bill and found myself on my own in the living room one Saturday afternoon, so I switched on the tv and channel 4 was on. it was grand national day. It reminded me of my dad as he'd taken us many times to the grand national and i recalled him telling me they always show the winner before the race. Anyways the last words my hubby said to me was 'special, special', so when the commentator who was talking to a trainer said but it was special, special (pause) to win the Irish national' it made me sit up and pay attention to which horse he was talking about. It was Rule the World. I rushed to my laptop and placed a bet each way on Rule the World using a free bet and then saw the favourite on the screen, so did an each way bet on the forecast. I won enough to pay the utility bill that day.

    I'm a scientist, I think Einstein was right “Energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another” so there must be something after life.

    Time gives you the ability to manage your grief better, the loss never goes away, but one day you will feel a little more able to cope and whilst you might take two steps forward and one back, you will know that you are managing better.

    xoxoxoxo

  • Thank you so much for sharing your story. He is often in my dreams. A lot actually. I miss him so much. I lost my house key and I looked everywhere. When I stopped by his house to get his mail the key was right in front of me on his porch. Also my mom recently moved and when I went to visit her after he passed she asked me to go to church with her. The minister told a story about a woman who's dad passed... and it was too coincidental that I was there that day (I hadn't been in church for years let alone a church 6 hours from my house). Also when I found a home for his cat after trying everything for 2 months (it was harder than I thought to find a home and I was going to have to put her in a shelter), I was driving home after dropping the cat off and the sun shone through 1 cloud and lit up the whole sky. He loved his cat so much and I KNOW my dad was happy that I found her a home. Thank you for sharing and for listening.

  • Your dad is with you, always looking out for you. I mean without him you would not be here - you are tied forever :)

    He obviously loved you and you obviously loved him.

    Take your time to get back onto the treadmill we call life - day by day.

    Bless you xoxoxo

  • Thank you. My mom just reminded me that I went through a lot this year and to take it easy on myself. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that. Esp the world we live in it's always go go go, and get over it, be strong, etc. She reminded me it's a process and I'll be okay and get through it but to give myself time. Thanks.

  • My husband lost his battle december 4 2016 and it still dont seem real he quit drinking 12 years ago and fought cirrohsis for 2 and 6 months I'm so sorry for your loss you are in my prayers

  • I am so sorry. At times it still doesn't feel real for me. Wow 12 years ago that's a long time. How old was he? You are in my thoughts as well. Thank you.

  • 67 we were together 32 years

  • I am so sorry. How are you? And how are you coping?

  • Your post made me sad. I lost my father in September due to COPD and eventually he had pneumonia and that is what killed him. It has been hard and seeing him suffer so much prior to death, it was difficult. Me and my siblings are finding it hard and the house seems so quiet without him. He was with me throughout my journery of liver transplant and regardless of how his health was, he stayed near my hospital until I was better. He used to sit beside me and pray.

    I am a Muslim so our beliefs are of course different like all other religions. We believe we will reunite with him in the hereafter if we are good people. In the meantime we do a lot of charity for him. So we help our relatives or give money to the poor in different countries. Before he passed away, there was a new mosque near our house. He would go to pray there 4 times a day and he was so eager to see the mosque's building work to finish. Sadly because he was not mobile before he passed away, it was impossible to take him there but he wanted to help towards the cost of building the mosque. He took charity from me many times for that! My brother went to choose a lovely chandelier for the mosque that other day which is from us all.

    He told us to be good people before he passed away and to be kind and considerate with everyone so we tend to keep all that in mind. I have a large family so we do spend time with them all.

    But there are days when his absence hits me like a tornado and all I do is cry. I pray 5 times a day and that brings peace to my mind.

    Something else you could perhaps do is voluntary work? For example visiting liver patients in hospital?

    I really hope you find some ease and comfort soon.

    Regards

    Jahida

  • Thank you from everyone who has lost someone special in their lifetime be ye father, mother, spouse or child keep praying I pray all day everyday since I lost my husband in December 2016 and yes praying helps

  • Thank you and that is a great idea to volunteer. When I am ready I will look into that. Thanks for sharing your story and I am so sorry for your loss as well. How old was your dad? I am glad you have family support, I too have a big supportive family and they have been there for me. I can tell your dad had good values and you do too. Thanks reading your story helped me.

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