Not taking this serious : Hi folks, I've... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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Not taking this serious

Foxman555 profile image
32 Replies

Hi folks, I've noticed from a few of you that I sometimes joke about things, I can assure you I am taking this seriously, joking is just part of who I am, and my way of coping, I am going to beat this, because I have people I love and who love me, I've been lucky so far that my hospital visits have not been too serious, but who knows if I was to to continue who knows!!!, but I'm not, I am going to beat this and if I make flippant remarks I apologise, there's only one person who can stop me from serious illness and that's ME, I am not full of self pity and certainly don't want to be seen as that, if you have been annoyed by any comments then I'm sorry, you all have varying stages of liver disease, have lost people through it, and you all have my genuine heartfelt condolences and utmost respect, like I say I have my daughter who is helping me through the early stages, I've got Diazepam off of my doctor which i think will take away the shakes, and long term I would like to go into re-hab, and put an end to this,

This is genuine and honest appraisal of what I'm doing and how serious I have taken this, no self pity. Good luck to all of you, you are in my thoughts.

32 Replies
LAJ123 profile image

Having a sense of humour is very important in any difficult and challenging situation. This can help us get through even the worst of times.

My wife only knew that I was back to my old self when, in intensive care waking with my new liver, I made a joke ! The ability to see the 'funny side' was one thing I lost when really ill and waiting for ' the call '

keep the jokes coming - we can all do with cheering up when the outlook is bleak and we sometimes despair.


Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to LAJ123

Thanks mate take care

jojokarak profile image

It's the only thing what got me through everything, taking the piss out of my situation... You don't need to apologise for who you are and how you cope... People can just do what I do when I don't agree with something just scroll on past 😊

Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to jojokarak

Yeh I understand but a chosen few were either saying I was joking too much or full of self pity wish they'd make their bloody minds up, I suppose whatever site you go on you'll always get them, to be told I'm annoying pissed me off though.

Regards Jeff

maddixcar profile image
maddixcar in reply to Foxman555

Foxman55, I love that you have a humorous side. Just think if we were all just so serious about our illnesses. It would be depressing to me so keep the humor coming!

Smyally profile image

It’s good to have a sense of humour about things, it’s what gets us through. I’m really glad that you’ve got your daughter for support. We all have down days and we all have up days and everyone finds their own way of coping. Keep smiling

Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to Smyally

I'll do my best, how are you keeping ?

Jeff xx

Hi Jeff, I'm glad to see your still determined to beat this addiction. Kicking alcohol isn't easy and I'm so glad your daughter is supporting you. She will be a positive influence as I know your not going to want to fail her.

Please try and remember that last time you had a drink. You only went and had one pint and ended back in hospital. You've really got to realise mate that for you alcohol is now a poison even a tiny drop is going to cause you problems. After my liver transplant, I made a promise to myself (and my donor), that I would never touch alcohol ever again. Now I avoid anything to do with alcohol I wont use hand sanitiser for example, after shave, Night Nurse, or even eye drops. Sherry trifle is a no no and so is Christmas cake, and Christmas pudding. This is my choice. I'm so glad to hear you say that YOU are the only one who can do this and that giving up alcohol is YOUR choice.

Humour is so very important. I have a rather sick/dark sense of humour which isn't everyone's cup of tea, and having a quick wit means it often gets me into trouble. Medical staff use dark humour a lot especially para medics. They have to deal with some pretty horrific incidents and use humour as a release mechanism. I've mentioned this on here before that when I was being prepped ready for my transplant (I was very nervous at the time). I was introduced to all of the surgical team, and each member introduced themselves and explained what their job involved and what they would be doing during the operation. (Rather a nice touch by the theatre staff at the QE I thought). After the introductions were over, I was asked if I had any questions or concerns. Even to this day, I still have no idea where this came from, but I happen to ask a question... "What would happen if I started to have erotic thoughts of Angela Merkel". The prep nurse piped up, "Oh don't worry it'll make it easier for us to get the catheter in". So, keep your pecker up and keep on seeing humour in everything life throws at you.

Did you manage to make it up with your partner?

Take care Jeff

Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to

Hi Richard, thanks for your comments always enlightening, my vision of Angela Merkel will never be the same again, I live in hope that my partner will again fall for my charms !! She had a really bad time with cancer and stem cell transplant, both she and my daughter have heard me say never again so many times, but I have to admit sitting on a bench or in a toilet drinking frostie Jack is an all time low, this experience has just been to much, I'm not afraid to say I cried a lot, not self pity, so all of you on the self pity bandwagon stop, it was pure desperation I could not sink any lower, and from pure desperation came determination to be 'normal' again, I've made promises never to touch alcohol again, and I won't, something in my brain has kicked in don't ask me what but I feel I have a lot to give, and I will be abstinent forever, huge remark, but I'm a stubborn bloke.

Best wishes Jeff

in reply to Foxman555

I'm really glad to hear this Jeff.

Both Laura and I have been busy. writing to Jon Ashworth MP.

I'm not sure if you've been following his story, but he's the Shadow Secretary of State for Health. He's been opening up about his childhood and having to grow up and live with his alcoholic father. His story has been quit an emotional journey and some members of parliament were brought to tears when he spoke of his youth. He recently completed the London Marathon and managed to raise £8000 for a charity called NACOA which stands for, National Association for Children of Alcoholics. Laura has been in contact with this charity and has spoken of her own experiences. Do you think this maybe of some help for your daughter? If not, at least it may give her the opportunity to talk to someone and even share experiences with others:

It's just a thought, we all sometimes forget about the younger members of our families and the effect alcohol has on their lives, many suffer in silence and now thanks to this charity they have help available.

I hope others find this useful too:

Keep up the good work Jeff.

Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to

Believe it or not he is my local mp and has helped me out before, nothing to do with alcohol, he has a local councillor that works tirelessly for him, when I get through this early stage of recovery I'll give you her name and email address I'm apolitical so whoever works the hardest will always get my vote.

Regards Jeff

Millie09 profile image
Millie09 in reply to from Birmingham, 10 yrs cirrhosis but my daughter and my sister could tell.a story or two on what it was like when i was drinking. I was never nasty at all... just very devious, good at covering things up yet i was only fooling myself and hurting my loved ones.

I noticed you said "I wish they would make up their bloody mind's ",hint of annoyance there I think. Have you read the story about the little boy who cried wolf? Saying you had been given your last rights is unbelievable Sorry if this offends.

Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to

Far from annoyed, I was laying there on a heart machine with an ectopic heart rhythm, a kidney infection diabetes out of control and cirrhosis who knows or cares what I was told.

Paulwil profile image
Paulwil in reply to Foxman555

I do wish you the best, personally and health wise. This forum as far as I see it is for advice, an ear to voice concerns you concerns and share experiences good and bad from people who are suffering or have suffered from liver disease. I know there has been some negativity to some of your post, one of mine included. I think you will find some of us relate to some of your comments and see how self destructive they are. I was in the same situation as you, "fortunately" I ended up in ICU with a life threatening bleed. I therefore had unplanned detox. 3 days later when I woke up I had no cravings, the easy part, the detox wa done. Now the difficult part, what I said to myself is that if I have just one drink it will kill me and more importantly I will lose my family. I have not been tempted since

Please seek a detox, tell yourself when you think about a drink if I am week it will kill me and I will lose my family.

I dont know what state your liver is in? I was in hospital in October to November 2016. My liver was too damaged. I was listed in September 2017 and had transplant in October.

Best of luck


Paulwil profile image
Paulwil in reply to Paulwil

sorry about the bad English at top of post!

Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to Paulwil

Perhaps there may have been negativity in some of my comments, but I don't want anyone to think I'm full of self pity and looking for sympathy because I'm definitely Not, my liver is decompensated I haven't been given a stage, all my efforts and energy are about not drinking again I'm on Diazepam at the minute it's taking the edge off, then it's down to me and knuckle down and continue to never drink again

Regards Jeff

Beauport profile image
Beauport in reply to

I don't see any self pity there. Define self pity. And anyway, what's wrong with a little self pity now and again? All those of us who have been within a hair's breadth of death look back on the experience with a massive feeling of pain. It's normal.

Paulwil profile image

Librium is normally used for a detox, diazepam can be habit forming. Try your local alcohol liason service for advice on a detox explaining your health issues. You may be able to get a referral from your GP. There was a place near Weston super Mare that I was going to attend before going into hospital, they charge about £1500 for a 2 weeks residential detox and counselling.

Best wishes

Millie09 profile image
Millie09 in reply to Paulwil

I was on diazepam for withdrawal , i think it depends on how bad the symptoms are.

I was very lucky i had no seizures but it took me ages to feel some normality due to severe anxiety

Millie09 profile image
Millie09 in reply to Paulwil

They do one in Bournemouth too .

Garyvh profile image

Humour is all important in this, as are stubbornness, openness and honesty.

Personally I've developed a really dark gallows humour about my illness.

Unfortunately I lost my wife to breast cancer in 2016 but she will always be my inspiration, she was always joking about her illness, right to the end, even when she knew any hope had gone.

It's a coping mechanism like you say, and while some people may not think it's appropriate, it's YOUR way of coping with YOUR illness.

Don't beat yourself up with guilt about what 's been and gone, all you can change now is what is ahead.

That stubbornness you mention will help you too. I'm as stubborn a teetotaller now as I was a drinker.

Take care, and keep laughing!


Foxman555 profile image
Foxman555 in reply to Garyvh

Hi Gary, yes you are so right, I can't do anything about the past, all I can do is influence the future, problem with your past it never goes away, people see you replaying events and expect you to fail, I want people to see me as I am now, fighting hard to beat this, and I will, I am so sorry you lost your wife she sounds inspirational and you must believe she is still with you.

Best wishes Jeff

Daveangel profile image

We all deal with things in our own way. I'm constantly getting told off for joking about it all, but we are what we are. 👍

hi its good you take the attitude u are going to beat it wheres thers a awill theres away while theres life never give up its prescious i to am the same ad you my illness s may have claimed my body but they will never claim my sense of humour that goes the day i do good luck to u xx

hey if we can't laugh and joke about this crap then we might as well just roll back over in bed right? I for one have a sick sense of humour, i could blame the illness but i think to be honest i have had it longer haha :P anyway keep smiling, keep joking and never ever become uninspired x

scampi2122 profile image

I will add my advice. it is very difficult to do this alone, I have some experience of this having had detoxes and attending rehabs, both of these are quick-fix solutions. it is sustaining the recovery that is crucial. About accepting support and listening to others with the same problem. Go to AA, NA or any group offering help, it does not matter what yr addiction is. I did not realise how much I needed to follow this advice, I used to think it wasn't for me. It has kept me clean for a year now and given me enormous support. Humour is very much part of the process too!

Please give it a go, as someone said at a meeting yesterday, "we don't shoot our wounded, we offer our hand, to walk with them" All the very best Mel

Nyork10 profile image

Hey if having a sense of humour helps you what's the problem? I've kept mine throughout this and my neurological illness if I didn't I wouldn't have got this far and done so well - if anything having a sense of humour keeps you sane.

My family knew that if I lost that I really had given up - it stops (for me anyway) people walking on eggshells around you frightened that they'll say the wrong thing and i'll get upset.

You don't have to apologise - people should just ignore it if they're offended and move on. Keep your chin up you're doing great 😊

Beauport profile image

Oh let the complainers go sit in their corner and wallow in their self-righteousness! There's nothing wrong with a spot of self pity now and then - everyone has negative moments. Your determination and sense of humour will see you through. Let me tell you that during group therapy it was laughter that bonded us, the laughter being a sort of happy acknowledgement of our shared predicament. And some of our coping mechanisms were absolutely hilarious. As someone above said, when we stop laughing it's time to roll over and turn our faces to the wall. I really like you Foxman for your honesty and ..... YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR! Keep on trucking.

Ashish31 profile image
Ashish31 in reply to Beauport

Hi thanks for that pep talk, sometimes this forum seems to understand, but it seems you have to think before you write anything, people have messaged me saying why are your posts so negative or full of self pity or just annoyed about what I say, I know that some people have live limiting liver disease, and my heart goes out to them, am I lucky nah, so if I put posts up I think people are ready with their rifles to knock them down, I get confused if I'm positive I have to think about those worse off than me, negative and I'm full of self pity, I'll keep my humour because it helps me, if people don't like what I've posted, just scroll on.

Best wishes Jeff

Beauport profile image
Beauport in reply to Ashish31

Absolutely. 👍


Keep that sense if humour, it always helps. My family and friends have said how do you keep smiling the way you feel , if I didn't smile I would feel worse. Everyone has down days, this illness affects everyone in different ways and we all cope differently. Love and hugs to you all. Lynne Xxxx

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