Good feeling

[Foxman555]

I have always thought that having a problem with alcohol you are a minority, family and friends never want to talk about it, I don't blame them, it must be difficult, I self re-refered to Turning point, they deal with all addictions, I now understand about heroin and the devastating effects it has, likewise they understood alcohol addiction, and now being able to leave message on here and getting responses I don't feel alone, my drinking was way out of control, having at least 3 bottles of wine before breakfast and then just carrying on through the day, I didn't want to feel anything I didn't want any emotions, my problem was a messy divorce and being kept apart from my young children, the judge said that we should be grown up enough to both have quality time with the children, but my ex put so many barriers up I never saw them, I went back to court and asked if the judiciary system could help, but it never happened, so I just spiralled out of control, my fault, I don't apportion blame on anyone else, now I have good times with a couple, and I see my grandchildren which i love, I've never really opened up about my downfall and how it's affected me, so thank you all for having that empathy, I hope you all are in a good place.

[Millie09]

Hey foxman. Thank you for sharing.

I too went down a similar road myself, only i drank due to bad anxiety and panic attacks due to mental and physical abuse from my now ex husband ( hallelujah ) .my kids were old enough to take care of themselves and i have a great relationship with all 3.

Addiction regardless of what it is creeps up on you in no time..

It was only due to ascites and was i admitted to hospital when i was told i had cirrhosis. Frightened to death i was, stayed in hosp for 6 weeks and recieved counselling after discharge where i lived with my dad for 3 months.

Never be ashamed or scared to talk about your journey if it helps you.

I have always been open with my journey, 10 yrs now. Sober, still have cirrhosis. Don't drink or smoke but would not want to go back to how i was.

Best wishes to you. Linda

[Foxman555 in reply to Millie09]

Thanks Linda, I am vulnerable when drunk people take advantage of me, I started collapsing, and was taken into hospital, I had a severe bacterial kidney infection, this is when they found out I had cirrhosis, I lost so much weight, had to learn to walk again, came out of hospital and continued drinking, such madness, my consultant said I was lucky to be alive, i have been sober for 4 month's Now, nowhere near you, but I'm determined never to drink again, I am in a relationship and my partner supports me, she stood by me when on binges, and life is looking better, i still get tempted but feel strong enough to say no, wishing you good health, and thanks for replying to me.

[Millie09 in reply to Foxman555]

You have been through it ! But im so happy for you that you have someone who actually cares and understands you.so important in a relationship. Unfortunately mine drove me to drink. But life is good regardless of its ups and downs. You keep off the booze.so so important .you will still have your days trust me.it took me a good 2 yrs to actually not even associate drinking with birthday, Christmas. Party's etc. Infact the smell makes me heave. 🤢. Keep up.the good work!! Best wishes.. Linda

[Isabelle2]

Hi

Have you thought about joining a web based support group? I too am alcoholic and had a transplant I was so bad. I joined Soberistas and have never looked back. Although 90% female there are men too and everyone is soo helpful. Soberistas.com

[Foxman555]

Hi Isabelle, I get help from Turning point, not enough as I would like, but it really works and I always learn something out of it, don't know if many people know that when your liver is seriously scarred you begin to produce oestrogen, and you lose hair and grow breasts, not that badly but I feel embarrassed if people look closely, I'm not into the AA don't understand the 12 steps, and would find it difficult to complete all of them, I wish you continued health and sobriety.

[Hidden]

Hello Foxman, I'm sorry but I've only just read your posts and can understand the reasons as to why you've turned to alcohol. It's a very human response to try and use something like alcohol in order to self-medicate and cope with the depression and stress of it all. But in a strange sort of way you are fortunate as you know why you started drinking in the first place. There are so many people out there who have forgotten the reasons as to what started it all off. It' s as if alcohol clouds the cause and now just become the master of your problems.

Divorces can be terrible a time, and in the end no-one wins, and everyone suffers. Sometimes I think we are all here in order to learn lessons, make mistakes, learn from them and move on. This is what makes us stronger and wiser. On my website I use a quote by B.J. Neblett that goes:

“We are the sum total of our experiences. Those experiences – be they positive or negative – make us the person we are, at any given point in our lives. And, like a flowing river, those same experiences, and those yet to come, continue to influence and reshape the person we are, and the person we become. None of us are the same as we were yesterday, nor will be tomorrow.”

This has been very much a learning experience for you. You've seen how evil and cruel people can be. That person who was once so in love, can become so vindictive and cruel. And if that wasn't enough, then there's the children in all of this who are used as pawns in this battle and how they'll often be used to try to score points off each other and for emotional blackmail.

But I'd like to think this is all behind you now, and you've managed to have moved on and turned your life around. This ugly chapter in your life is now closed and is behind you.

I'm sure there are others that can relate to your story. Have you ever thought of sharing your experiences with others? I'm sure it would be a good opportunity, to reach out to others and make them realise that they are not alone, and that alcohol is not the answer.

Good Luck to you.

Richard

[Foxman555]

Hi Richard, I'm think that getting divorced was the best day of my life, having been verbally and physically abused, she was chatting to other men and meeting them and letting them move in, men she hardly knew, very dangerous for my children, I told her I would call the police every time she moved another one in, I couldn't see my children yet a complete stranger could, I felt useless, I wanted to take my children and make them safe, but I was homeless, trying to get a place, I started to drink heavily because I couldn't do anything, this i think was the start to oblivion, and eventually ending up in hospital, having numerous serious conditions, I could go on, but the only person who was pushing drink down my throat was me, no excuses i drank too much, thank you for your reply, I find everybody's input to be helpful.

[Hidden]

I can relate to this Foxman as I knew a woman who lived up in North London, who was very much like this.

I believe that there are two types of people in this world, you have life's givers and then there are the takers. The takers always prey on the givers. and we are always vulnerable. Some may see this as being a weakness, but the alternative would be to become bitter and angry, and that's just not in our nature. Be proud of who you are. And go forward having had the good fortune to come out of this mess and put it behind you.

Good luck friend.