So angry!!!!: His all hubaby is... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust

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So angry!!!!

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His all hubaby is still in hospital as his diabetes is playing min his bm is 16 and then an hour later ita 2 .. he's had 2 hypos a day for the past week. His legs and feet are still swollen and they changed his spirlactolone 25 to frusemide 40.. about a week ago but no difference in size yet.. anyway back to the angry thing.. a nurse informed me yesterday she saw him at the shop buying a drink ... what liver inpatient buys alcohol from the shop? He doesn't know I know yet but I'm so angry as my life has been turned upside down by this admission as we have 3 children and I work as well as visiting him twice a day .the selfishness is unbelievable. .I'm 40 with a life of a 100 year old πŸ˜”

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OMG. That's awful I would be fuming as well I've told mine if he has one more drink I'm gone. He's been sober for 18months now.

The worrying thing is I've seen people sneak or their friends and family sneak alcohol onto the wards before its scary.

What did they say to him?

I would devastated... really feel for you.


Debbie2016 in reply to Hidden

Hi thanks for your reply was a hca that saw him so I don't think they've said anything to him yet... I know 100% that when he gets discharged he isn't going to stop drinking... and I'm just so fed up as I know exactly what kind of life is in store ... I'm just so sick of him x

Hidden in reply to Debbie2016

Towards the end before my Hubby got really sick I was planning to leave him because he kept choosing alcohol over me.

An alcoholic chooses alcohol over everything. I use to know how drunk mine was just by a few seconds over the phone.

Maybe stop visiting him for a while and try and calmly explain why first. Maybe this will shock him or maybe it won't. Time to put you and the kids first. How old are your kids?


Debbie2016 in reply to Hidden

They're 11.12.15 .. he has been chosen alcohol over us for a very long time ..I just get on with my life and he's like a lodger that demands looking after . I have left him before but he took 3 overdoses and nearly died ..I know he's using emotional blackmail but I'm not the kind of person who can walk away and think it's the life he's chosen .. I love him but I'm certainly not in love with him .I know he will die eventually and it will break my heart.. but I know I can say I did everything I could x thanks for listening ..don't mean to be a whinging bugger x πŸ˜‰

Hidden in reply to Debbie2016

It's never their fault that's what the illness tells them anyway. Xx

Let him demand, but don't do what he wants.

Alcoholics are 'self'...selfish, self-centred, full of self-pity. Time to look after you and your children. The more you do the more he will expect. I know that's hard but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Chin up x

Hi Debbie

I'm so sorry to hear this and completely understand your anger, frustration and, if I'm right, your disbelief at your husband buying alcohol whilst in hospital with liver problems.

However, sadly, he isn't the first and he won't be the last. That is addiction for you, a problem drinker will go to any lengths to satisfy their craving, any.

I have seen it for myself when visiting a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with cirrhosis, yet will joke that her and the lady in the bed next to her have a stash of vodka.

I wasn't amused either after running my backside off taking her clean clothes and nice food to eat when I've got my family to look after as well as my own health problems following spinal surgery. I was furious...makes you feel what's the point?

Your husband needs help with his addiction, alcoholism is a two-fold disease, it's a mental addiction as well as a physical one. Whilst the hospital can give him medication to help with the physical craving he will still suffer with the mental craving which, if he wishes to stop, is imperative he seeks the help of AA or your local drug and alcohol addiction services.

The hospital can arrange a visit from your local drug and alcohol addiction service to see your husband in hospital. This was arranged for a friend of mine with a follow up appointment the day after her discharge.

I took her to all of those appointments following her discharge but sadly she is still drinking. Sobriety is for those who want it, not those who need it.

Your husband being diabetic complicates matters further, he really does need to stop. My husband has type 1 diabetes so I know the effect alcohol has on this, fortunately he doesn't drink.

It is a dreadful disease, cunning, baffling and powerful. My heart goes out to you dealing with this as well as working and having children to look after, I'm sure made even more difficult with Christmas looming.

I hope that your husband sees sense and accepts the help available. You may benefit from contacting al-anon who give tremendous support to families affected by alcoholism.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jacqui xx

Hi Debbie .. I'm so sorry your having to go through all this Hun .. As reading jaqui said alcoholics are selfish .. They are cunning and sneaky and will do anything to get a drink .. I know as I was that person 8 yrs ago . Alcohol consumes you .. I think it's disgusting that hubby even managed to get Alcohol .. Mind you saying that there was a man in the Amu dept next to me waiting for a bed on the ward . He was hooked to a drip . He got out of bed . Told the nurses he was off to the toilet , where he pulled the drip out of his arm and left the building to buy cider !! He returned back stoned .. Alas he walked out . You can't be held responsible for his actions .. Tough love is what's needed here . Hope he wakes up and smells the coffee .. You need support , as much as you can get .. Hope things Improve .. My best wishes Hun ... Linda X

Oh that's so kind of you Albea .. Trust me as you well Know it was not an easy ride .. I unfortunately relapsed three years ago after looking after my dad for a good year with cancer .. His passing hit me very hard . It took me away from life . Alcohol was now my best friend yet again for a good 12 months maybe more untill I was admitted to hospital again with ascites . The old liver of mine that was doing so well had just got another Beating . It's so easy for me to say I was that person because any of us could be that person again , so I take it a day at a time . Xmas is my trigger . But this forum has really helped me mentally through the support I have had on here and trying to help others too . If ever you need to talk just message me .. It can be done but you have to really "what to do it " .. Hit Rock bottom so to spreak .i am now paying the price with end stage liver disease . Please don't let the demon drink take your life .. Your worth more than that .. Linda 😊

You're doing great Linda (Millie), always remember that 'one day at a time'. It's not easy, I know, been there myself and it's the toughest challenge I've ever faced quitting. But worth every ounce of the effort and all those 'one day at a time' soon add up 😊 However, we can never be complacent as this disease is always waiting to bite us on the arse to speak!

Keep up the great work xxxx

Hi jaqui . So nice of you to say Hun . Yes we all know what it's like having that Demon on our shoulder and the daily commitment not to pick up . You have or should I say a credit to yourself for what you are dealing with .. Hope mum is ok by the way ? . So very very true . We cannot ever think we are "cured " as we never will be , it's a matter of coping strategies . This sight has helped me immensely with your supporting words and a few others so I thank you 😊.. Keep going you star ✨✨. Xxxx

You're dead right there Albeawright, it's not easy, in fact it's the hardest challenge I've ever faced, and yes, the person we deceive most is ourselves, always.

Wilfull to the bitter end I was, just had to learn to use that will in a different way to stop and stay stopped! One day at a time.

Wishing you all the best

I dont blame you for being angry; yes, it is a very frustrating disease for all concerned; personally, if i was gonna do that, i wouldn't even be in Hospital; there is no point and a waste of time; and i have never done that myself whilst being treated. It must be so hard for you and the kids. It is up to him to decide, and it looks like he doesn't want to stop. You must now think of yourself and the kids xx

Aww hun, come and rant as much as you need.

Did the nurse see him in the hospital shop?

Honestly something of us just have can't help ourselves. Please look after you and kids xxx

Good god ! Drinking the hand sanitiser ?? Now that's desperation . Hope your ok Chris .. Linda

His Chris's not a stupid question .. there is 3 off licences within a 5 min walk from the hospital he is just telling them he is going for a cigarette ... but goes there ... I think he is getting discharged later .. but I'm sure he won't be home for long ..his feet and legs are still swollen but think the water tabs are working now as they're not so tight and are pitting now when I press them . I just hope he realises that he's done so much damage to himself that is almost permanent. Thanks everyone for comments and support x means a lot xx 😘

Hi Chris , good to hear your ok! I'm fine thank you , off to see my dr Friday as I am apparently very low in vitamin D? Have been refered to the QE liver unit here in Birmingham as I requested it myself due to the fact I am not under any hospital and been two years now since my last scan , and 8 yrs since my endoscopy , not that I like them . I refused point blank to have it done , the only person who made me go was my dear dad bless him , he is no longer here . Well that's no surprise .. Poor guy , yes I know what addiction can do . Totally consumes you . I never want to go down that road again , even though Xmas is a massive trigger for me as it would have been my dads birthday plus all the memories of 2011 13 dec when he had his left lung removed . I cared for him 24/7 . He was discharged after 4 days .. Bad move ! Back in hospital Boxing Day evening with pneumonia . So all that is still there regardless of who I am with Xmas day , Which is my daughter . I think this forum has opened my eyes and made me stronger in some way . The thought of transplant scares me as I don't think I will pass the criteria due to anxiey meds etc .. But I'm hoping I will never have to have one . Take care .. Best wishes Linda 😊

Hi Chris , well I am due to see my dr Friday regarding this . Also I had a full LFT done so I want to compare the readings to the one I had a month ago , I had a dexa scan in 2008 where they said I had osteoperosis In my left leg , all the told me was it would improve in time due to the fact I was only 6st noting due to not eating for a very long time due to drink and ascites . Well I was just curious regarding all these tests you have done pre transplant lost , but I totally get you there , if you are so poorly then all that fear goes away , many questions will be asked mainly when I go to the liver unit as my dr just laughs at me when I bombard him with medical questions , I suppose only as its one of them that no one really knows . Yes I have your email Chris , so I will keep in touch with you that way as I do with Lynn66 ..I will let you know what happens Friday .. Take care and thank you ... Linda

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