Angry : I hope it’s alright for me to... - British Liver Trust

British Liver Trust
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Angry

Mywildlove
Mywildlove

I hope it’s alright for me to just kind of vent. I don’t think that’s the word I’m looking for. I hope this post doesn’t upset anyone either.

My fiancé and I went to a wake this afternoon. I only met the man a few times but my fiancé knew him a little more than I did. We are also friends with his family. Before today, the cause of death wasn’t really known to us, we just knew he had been sick and in the hospital. The man’s sister was talking to us and telling us what happened leading up to his death and then she said he had been diagnosed with cirrhosis a year and a half ago but didn’t stop drinking. I lost it. I had to run to the bathroom crying, it hit me like a ton of bricks. My fiancé, who has cirrhosis caused from drinking but stopped the moment he found out, was stunned. I can’t believe it, he was such a sweet sweet man. Why is booze so readily available when all it does is ruin lives and kill you? I’m so angry. I hate alcohol with every fiber of my being. I’m sorry for ranting here, I had to get it out.

18 Replies
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I hate it with a vengance too, it killed my husband and many people on this site are suffering from the effects of it. It's poison !!

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No, you rant away. Sadly alcohol is inbred into our culture, and there's nothing we can do. The government and all political parties are scared of the brewing industry. These big corporations donate thousands of pounds each year to individual MPs and political parties. That they daren't speak out and say anything.

Where l happen to live in the country, we have a very high mortality rate when it comes to Liver disease. I have been lobbying my MP through both written letters and emails about the need for a minimal unit price increase in alcohol sales. I have been told by her that there is nothing she can do, as there is a conflict of interests regarding the funds she receives from CAMRA. (Campaign for Real Ale) and that of her constituents.

The other problem as l see it, was the way the unit price if alcohol which was introduced in Scotland sometime ago. Had this been introduced as a tax, then all monies raised could have been used to support the drug and alcohol support centres, in local towns and cities. Instead, this extra revenue is kept by the supplier.

The Welsh Assembly Government, has yet to decide how to deal with this, when the basic unit price of alcohol is introduced later this summer. I have written to the minister for health Wales, and have told them of Scotland's missed opportunity. But the ministers reply has just said that no final decision has been made as yet.

As for what the English Government are going to do is anybody's guess. There has been meetings in the past to discuss introducing a minimum unit price for alcohol in England, but all these meetings have always broken down. So at the moment nothing is happening.

Sadly there is no answer, we can all only do our best and continue to raise awareness of this terrible national problem. And make our concerns known to our MP's.

No doubt others will add to this rather contentious issue. Thank you for raising this topic.

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Hidden in reply to Hidden

Spot on Richard

George_2017
George_2017 in reply to Hidden

The Scottish Government do not have the powers to introduce new taxes, that is reserved for Westminster, hence why minimum pricing sets the lower cap, but big supermarkets/brewers/distilleries get to keep the extra profits. Same with the plastic bag Levy. The Scottish Government also had to pay for the costs of all the legal action from the self interested groups, but won't get a penny in return from the increased costs, but they put the health issues at the fore front, and feel it money well spent.

Personally I don't care who reaps the rewards, so long as cheap low quality, high strength alcohol is priced out of the market.

But we need to be practical, for the majority alcohol plays a part in their lives, and we should not castigate them for doing so, educate them to the dangers yes, but we can't/shouldn't preach. Many drinkers do so responsibly, and we shouldn't attempt to stop them.

I gave up when I was told I had liver problems, not directly alcohol related, but I took the view alcohol hadn't helped and stopped. I have never looked back, and although it was took late, and I needed a transplant, it was the best decision I ever made.

Remember alcohol is a drug, like cigarettes or any other prescription/non prescription drugs. We need to support those who want to stop, educate and advise those who don't, but never should we castigate them for doing what many others, including many on this forum, have done in the past.

George

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I cant add much to what's been said here, just to say that this is one of the many unfortunate reminders to all people reading this on this forum of what can and will happen when one doesnt stop drinking when diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease. Sometimes really good things happen to awful people and sometimes well, the worst happens to good people. Some of us who fought the serpent were lucky in that we were able to walk away (crawl away for some of us) when we were told we had this disease and stay away even as we kneeled severly wounded from its attacks. Some unfortunately had the fangs buried so deep in them that the poison rendered them unfit to fend off the vipers bite and ultimately lost the will and vigor for the battle of survival. This will never stop being sad and painful to witness. The ripple effect it has on everyone and everything surrounding it can be such a profound action of enormity. All we can continue to do is spread word, take action, make strides towards changes in the status quo and educate others about what this all is about. Especially our youth.

So vent away. That's part of what this place is for!

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Hi wild

You vent and upset away please and keep on doing it!

If you persuade just one person to see how dreadful the effects can be you will have done a great job. 👍

Miles

Hi Wild, I agree with all of the above. This is the place to vent all your frustrations. Its a pity there isn't more education & publicity about the poison that is alcohol.

David

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Hi Wild

Carry on venting away as your on the right forum to do just that!

I lost my closest best friend to drink about 25 years ago. My first marriage ended because of my husbands addiction to the stuff who eventually after years and years of drinking found himself a drinking partner to shack up with!. Years later they both died plus my ex husbands partners daughter aged 34 due to drugs and mothers abuse died 2 years ago which was an extremely very sad situation for my family as the young lovely girl was put in my care for 6 months many many years ago when my children where small! There now 40 and successful business people.

It's such a shame to be writing about about my first husband like this because he was was an adorable man who loved life, music, family and could sing and dance and make everyone smile! The dredded drink is to blame for some many things going on around this world right now! I'm not sure raising the cost per unit will every stop this ever spreading addition to the stuff!

Take care Wild and feel free to vent away

Slaines x

PS I'm the lucky one having a beautiful family who adore and love to bits!: My possible liver issues are not drink related which I'm under investigation for!

Thank you all for being cool with me venting. I was worried it would make some people mad for some reason. If I could, like everyone who has been through this in any way, I would go back in time and smash every bottle of alcohol we bought before we drank it. This is the scariest and hardest thing my fiancé and I have ever been through. And all because we liked to drink and feel good and have a good time. Which is so stupid because now we see that being sober is so much more fun than feeling like crap all the time. Even though my fiancé went from decompensated to compensated, I worry constantly that at any moment he will take a turn for the worst. I’m not trying to make this about me at all, I just don’t want to unload everything on him because I want him to keep getting better and not worry about me. Every day I have to remind myself that he hasn’t been sober for that long really (73 days today) and still has time to improve even more. Right? 2 of my mom’s 8 siblings had Hep C years ago and never got treatment. They both died from cirrhosis and it was horrible. That always stuck with me of course. Then both of my brothers got Hep C when they were very young from drugs. One was able to afford treatment and his is gone but he drinks too much now, he’s only 29. My other brother still has Hep C and can’t afford treatment. So now my fiancé having cirrhosis really just threw me for a loop. If people I love could stop getting liver problems, that would be great haha anyway, sorry this is long and rambling, that’s just how my brain works haha I hope you’re all having a good health day!

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Hidden in reply to Mywildlove

One of the greatest things that ever happened for hep C was the cure. Since then we have seen so many who would have died not only survive but have their cirrhosis regress! The first and most important thing in treatment for cirrhosis is abolishing the cause and he has done this! 😊

It's shocking to have that harsh reality right in front of you - really makes you thankful that your fiance seems to be one of the "lucky ones". I hope you're ok.

Thank you all so much for being so kind and understanding! I really love this group.

I lost my dad 2 1/2 years ago to cirrhosis. It was years and years of him stopping only to go back again and again. I was his caregiver. It was the saddest most frustrating thing ever to see him decline. Hang in there. I hate it more than anything.

Sometimes you have to let it out. Slightly different but I cried in a work meeting the other day (mortifying!). My boss was laughing about how many units her dad drinks in a week (lots!) & I was just overwhelmed by why my husband has ended up like this when so many others drink so much - & more than he did (of course I have the utmost sympathy for those who have ended up with liver disease without drinking alcohol). I was the same as you in that when he was diagnosed I thought of alcohol as poison too. I was going to give up drinking. He's fine with me drinking though & now I have just a small bottle of wine a week. Alcohol in moderation is ok (obviously if you don't already have any health conditions that prevent it), it's just it's so encouraged in society to drink to excess. Hardly anyone I know sticks to the recommended units. I know it's widely documented that excess alcohol can lead to liver damage but people underestimate how much they need to drink to be affected & this message needs to get out there. What's happened to hubby has been a wake up call for our friends & family, lots have cut down on drinking & one now uses an app to monitor units. I'm so glad my husband & your fiance managed to stop ok - that is the best thing they could do. Take care x

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Hi

You can vent as much as you like, everyone will help you in here. You both take care. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

I too got my liver cirrhosis from years of drinking, I gave up drinking 8 years ago and go to AA for this unfortunately it was too late and I have now been diagnosed with Liver Cirrhosis. If you fella is struggling with his drinking I strongly suggest that he goes to AA. Good Fortune . Martin.

Even one person to worry about is one too many, so I am sure it is all very hard for you, and I would encourage anyone to be open about how they are feeling. So, let me briefly join you in that. I am also extremely angry, not about alcohol itself, but what drove me to excess. There were many factors involved, and I recognise my own responsibility in this, but let's just say that pitifully incompetent support for adoptive parents of psychologically damaged children is one surefire way to get people self-medicating to a dangerous level.

Anyway, I hope the supportive replies above have helped a little; I'm new here, but the caring nature of other forum members has already helped me.

Hi Mywildlove,

The thing is booze does not ruin everyone's life.

My husband has cirrhosis caused by drinking. It took liver & kidney failure in Nov 2015 for him to stop drinking just before his 68th birthday. He says he should have listened to me earlier. But it is what it is and I don't blame alcohol, I don't blame him either, I don't blame my one Aunt for being alcoholic either.

I do however blame my husband's friends who egged him on in his drinking even after they both cut back!

I think it is up to us to remind our loved ones and friends that drinking can be harmful and be willing to be helpful and not just nags or nasty. And as much as I see people even on this site who discuss the numbers of liver patients and the increase a lot of that is the increase in population and maybe just an increase in the stresses of life and work and the increase in hepatitis, autoimmune illness, and other causes

It hits hard when we are struggling with the same issue and attend a death caused by the same thing. I, however, do not forget the death of the oldest son of friends. He died riding his motorcycle around his neighborhood, just to piss off the neighbors after coming home from a party and hit a tree, at least his passenger suffered broken bones. So should I hate motorcycles or the foolishness that made the young man get on a bike and drive?

I do sympathize with your feelings, especially since you are dealing with all the uncertainties of this disease with your fiance.

I am certainly not mad about your need to vent - and if it can help you and you feel it gives you a place to vent so you don't need to say it to your fiance, then that seems a good thing.

I wish you both the very best,

Mary

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