One for carers of loved ones

[Matt007]

How do any of you feel if your beloved falls off the wagon and what do you do to help. It's so hard feeling helpless and hurt and frustrated and not knowing what to do

[liveronmymind]

Be kind. Be patient . Not quite sure what you mean by 'fall off the wagon' but if you mean continue drinking when you know it's is not good for them it's very difficult....... try not to feel hurt as its not directed against you. The most imortant is to be gentle and kind and do what you can to help but you can't be forceful or use anger. Sit it out and wait for a good opportunity to talk and try and find some solutions when both are calm and lucid.

[AyrshireK]

Hi Matt, although not something I have personal experience of, I do know that Al-Anon UK is a group specifically aimed at supporting the family and friends of alcoholics and they have a telephone helpline together with nationwide support groups and they might be able to give appropriate guidance on how you treat this situation and how to deal with it day to day in order that both you and your loved one receive the necessary support.

Their website has all the details of the helpline together with a search function for support groups round the country.

Website is at - al-anonuk.org.uk/public/wha...

Wishing you both all the very best.

Katie xx

[Matt007 in reply to AyrshireK]

Thanks, I believe it is a one off as alcohol hasn't been an issue for months, hopefully my wife can find the strength again.

[Matt007]

Thanks for the advice, it's just hard when it is so long since alcohol has caused a problem it's hard to remember what it was like before and not to get upset.

[kp73]

Hi matt007

I hope your wife finds the strength to stop again. My partner did six months of not drinking but then started to have a few days of drinking then stopping again. I found it incredibly tough as immediately it brings back all the worry and memories. Plus he becomes paranoid and confused quite quickly so not nice to be with.  I'm not suggesting you do this but after several occasions of this we actually separated. It was the best decision ever. He has become far more independent and less reliant on me..We are still very good friends. He can choose to drink or not drink but seems to be choosing not to. He has our son a couple of nights a week now and now acknowledges that separating was needed. It was a really tough decision as the love is still there but i needed a break from it and our 4 yr old didn't need to see daddy like that.

I really hope you and your wife get past this blip. X

[Matt007 in reply to kp73]

So do I but unfortunately 7 days later here I am again coming second to alcohol. Waiting game now for the effects to wear off and for me to get my wife back

[kp73 in reply to Matt007]

Is she getting any help through aa or other organisations? I genuinely don't think they realise how destructive and soul destroying it is for those watching. No help I'm afraid but lots of empathy.