I need some encouragement please

My old college friend came for lunch yesterday. She's lovely but does sometimes talk before she thinks... She runs regularly and said that anything slower than 30minutes for a 5km was 'not really running'. I know she's wrong, but it still upset me as I've worked really hard and still run between 31 and 33 minutes for 5k.

Silly to let it bother me, I know..... You would never say anything like that, would you!!

59 Replies

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  • Oh my gosh, please don't tell! I still haven't run under 40 minutes, well nearer 45 actually. But I run. You run too. We ALL run. We are all runners.

    You know inside that it's just someone insecure trying to boost their own self esteem. Don't let it affect you. You are a runner. You run. And you're pretty speedy in my book😊😊😊

  • Thanks McFitty πŸ˜€πŸ˜€ I know I'm being silly and I think she was a bit mortified when she thought about what she'd said!!!

  • How very dare she..πŸ˜†

    Of course we are runners...slow steady ones, but we get the job done.😊xxx

    Send her to Laura..Laura will put her right.

  • Absolutely! Thanks for being outraged πŸ˜‚

  • In that case I have never run at all!


  • And we all know that's not true Anne! X

  • I don't ever think I will run under 30 min for a 5km. I don't think I am built for it. I think sometimes people say stuff without thinking of the consequences of what they have just said. The truth is running moves the body differently than walking. You use muscles differently and the heart and your breathing act differently. As long as all those differences come into play you are running regardless of your pace. To me it is a simple fact of mechanics that distinguishes between running and walking and "jogging" was just an eighties trend that didn't really exists.

  • Thanks Realfoodieclub , you're the voice of reason and it really helps to have your support here . I'll continue to run, regardless of the speed!

  • Us slower runners are built for distance, i read this today in a running book! The gazelles are built for short bursts of speed.

    Do we care what she says? We are runners and proud of it! We run for ourselves and thats what really matters πŸƒπŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ˜€πŸ‘πŸΌ

  • Loving the positive vibes here πŸ˜€πŸ‘

  • What a thoughtless and inaccurate thing to say!! Getting off the couch and running, however slowly, is a big deal and definitely not 'not really running'. We all have to start somewhere. Keep at it, you might just end up being faster eventually πŸ˜‰

  • Thanks Hillrunner2201 😊 I'm definitely a lot faster than when I was a couch potato!!

  • Well, Endomondo recognises my movement as running πŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

  • Your running progress is an inspiration IbenCopenhagen 😊

  • What a load of rubbish!!!! πŸ˜–

    Since when did your college friend, or anyone else for that matter, become the god/goddess of running & so issue such meaningless decrees?!

    How to discourage people in one short sentence.

    Maybe you need to listen to wk6r3 again. πŸ˜‰πŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈπŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

  • I remember it well now, 'you are a runner' and yes I am!!

  • Rubbish!!! Recently noticed a big advert just outside Clapham Junction station, can't remember the first phrase but it is something about being slow- and then says , but you're still faster than the couch. I think your 5k time is brilliant,it's just a bit faster than mine!!

  • Just tell her that unless she can run 5k in a better time than 14:11.15 minutes , she is always going to be a runner-up.

  • and even if she could run that time , she is still genetically unsuited to catch the fastest MAN at 12:37.35. Now me - being of course a man , has some kind of theoretical chance of that!! :)

  • Nonsense. It's a rather insensitive comment and not the case. You are running. Your heart, lungs and muscles are working hard. That sounds like running to me. Your times are good and if the 30 minute 5K is your target, you're not far off so please ignore what your friend said. πŸ‘πŸ‘£πŸ’πŸƒπŸΏ

  • Sometimes people say the silliest things..!

    I had a friend who said something off putting in a different context last week. I ended up in tears... she didn't have a clue what sh'd said was hurtful.

    Just have to take it with a large pinch of salt.

    Of course you are really running. πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

  • Sorry to hear you had a similar situation, we have to stay strong and ignore some unfortunate remarks!

  • I would say, good for her, she obviously likes running faster and is maybe more competative. Tell that to one of my parkrun friends, she did her first HM last year in over 3 hours, she showed guts and determination, and never gave up- that is more impressive to me than a 'hare' type who thinks speed is all that matters.

    I've never wanted to do this to be in competition with others, I do it for me. I will never get to 5k in under 30 minutes, does it matter? No, however, I am stronger and healthier than I have ever been, I dropped at least one dress size, and I'm liking how I look. I am very, very proud of that.

    look how much you have achieved, you're great, don't you forget it! πŸ€—


  • I like that, I am an over 3 hour HM timer,

  • She was certainly braver than me, but she is so determined, her husband complains that she is so stubborn! And she always has the most fantastic smile !


  • Nope, I beg to differ whether she is "braver" than you. She is the type that if she can't run "fast" she wouldn't do it at all.

    You, on the other hand, do it the hard way every time you go out the door..

    Guess who deserves the "bravery" award ;)

  • I think that's what I like about parkrun, I'm not competing against anyone else, just challenging myself. And when I see some of the slower runners I'm so impressed at what they have achieved πŸ˜€

  • Ha ha!

    Silly lady... that would mean then , as the replies below suggest,that most of us are not runners :) And goodness knows what I am then.. trundling along at the moment after the IC...:)

    Blimey... what a peculiar notion; but each to their own...maybe she is a speed demon. Wheee!

    Some folk don't stop to think before they say stuff, and often have no idea how it may impact on someone else.

    I taught with a lass who had a little quote pinned up by the board, where everyone, children and teachers could see it...

    "Engage brain before opening mouth "

    It is something I do try always to remember...

    You are a runner... and don't you ever forget it! :)

  • It's been a bit of a reminder that sometimes I don't engage brain before mouth too!!

  • All of us that have never run a sub 30min ought to come to your house for lunch instead... but be warned... you might need a few more chairs!!! :-) :-)

    PS - I'd be very chuffed with 31-31mins!!

  • We're quite a community aren't we?? And I feel in good company 😊

  • My husband told me I wasn't "running" when he found out I was doing C25k. I was furious but contained my ire and thought I'd ruddy well show him! He didn't say that I wasn't a runner when I did my first half marathon πŸ˜€

    I wouldn't worry about it. You know you are running, as do we. Running 5k under 30 mins is bloody hard. We don't have to be elite runners to be somehow validated.

    keep enjoying your runs and don't let negative remarks bother you. We are tough cookies so shoulders back and press on πŸ˜€

  • I suppose I've been lucky not to have faced a doubter before and I have a very supportive husband . Well done for showing true grit!!

  • Raz. Don't get mad, get even! πŸ˜€

    My husband's unkind remark galvanised me. I felt like punching him but I bit my lip, shrugged it off and got busy 😎

  • My husband (who's a cyclist not a runner anyway) loves to diagnose me and it drives me nuts! If I complain of an ache he either says, "You're not training enough" or "You're doing too much". He seems pretty much to pick one of those at random and they can't BOTH be true. :)

    I just don't answer now!

  • Perhaps for her that is true - as she has been running for a long time she may consider that an easy run, and just been a bit daft with her wording. She's your mate, and as you say sometimes speaks before she thinks. You know how well you have done and I along with everyone else here thinks you should be very proud of yourself.

    My Dad + Step Mum are both long time club marathon runners. When I was going through the C25K I didn't tell them until I had nearly finished. My step mum duly announced that my only choice if I wanted to run was to do marathons at my speed ! I do think she was actually trying to help but...

  • Not helpful!! But I guess you should be pleased she thought you could do the distance?!

  • There was a reason I thought runners were self obsessed, up themselves arses and never wanted to be like that, bet she does poncy stretching before she sets off too*, hahahaha....you've learned to run, you've learned to run 5K, you've learned to run 10k... but as you say, she's still struggling to learn some other important skills.... of course for *her* that pace might not feel like she's really running... but it is irrelevant to you (unless of course she's suggesting you run together... in which case I'd suggest running fast in the other direction...)

    My rude purple friend (aka Fitbit) declares all my runs are walks (but that's some human decision) but the heart rate monitor bit of it tells a different story. And for me, running hurts less, during and after, it is much looser. Realfoodieclub spells it out beautifully.

    My 5k PB is 43 minutes and I've not come close to achieving that in a long while (and I think it involved an element of canine assist)

    *I should say that my nearest and dearest self obsessed up themselves running arses who certainly used to do poncy stretching and who I still don't want to be like** have been remarkably supportive and respectful once I revealed my secret.

    **But one did inspire me to run because I envied a route he was doing.

    You're obviously also not just a fine runner Biscuit0107 but a thoroughly decent sort who keeps this person as a friend even though she has unfortunate traits, and you didn't bite her head off for saying something so unhelpful even though you were upset.

  • Thanks for making me laugh - yes, I'm pretty sure she does poncy stretches πŸ˜‚

  • If i really pushed myself I might manage a 5k in around 30 minutes but I would hate every minute of that run and probably never want to go out again.

    I have realised that all the runs that I hate I have gone too fast, so now I start slow and steady and remain that way. I find my runs are much more enjoyable and I would much rather enjoy them at a slow steady pace than hate them at a quicker pace just to get a time of 30 minutes.

    Everyone's goal is different but I am happy to keep pushing slowly at increasing my distance regardless of the time it takes. I think we should all be proud that we somehow manage to drag ourselves out when it is dark, miserable and cold. Just think of how far we have all come!

  • Absolutely! Being able to walk without aches and pains after a run and being able to enjoy the scenery are definite plus points for us Runners !

  • Rubbish! When I mentioned to my neighbour in 2015 that I had started running and doing c25k, he said I would be the fittest corpse in the mortuary!πŸ˜–

    He died in June! caused by stroke, but again an insensitive remark from someone who doesn't know any better or maybe a tad jealous? Or being your friend maybe a very dry humourous comment and being a wind up! As I know my neighbour could be..πŸ˜€

  • absolutely, we should be impressed that we're out there running regularly 😊

  • Many of us on here are older, haven't done any sport in years (if ever!) and overweight. All these things make it very difficult to run 5k in 30 minutes. But so what! We are not competing with anyone but ourselves. McFitty will be thrilled when she gets down to 40 mins, I would be happy with anything under 35 mins at the moment. I will probably never manage 30 mins, but I have run 10k and when I look at that on a map it is a long way. A very long way. An incredibly long way. It is amazing really. We are all amazing really!

  • Yes, having never run before, the fact that I've covered 10k without stopping is truly amazing to me 😊

  • We went with friends to the horse races. They know I 'run a bit'. I realised the course was about 2k distance, and we could look around and see the circuit in the distance. I piped up, 'I regularly run the equivalent of two and half times around this circuit, and am moving towards five times round'.

    Shocked faces and stunned silence😯 Even my very supportive hubby said it made him fully realise what I had achieved. I loved the effect it had! πŸ˜‰ Stay proud everyone, we are runners!

  • Loooove this Jacs! Wish I was there πŸ€—

  • The mere fact I run at all, never ceases to amaze me!

  • Nicely put ! 😊

  • Not in million years. Its not . how. fast you run but the.fact you complete the race that matters. Your friend sure knows how to put you down.

    Rise above it your.a.runner

  • One of my favourite quotes: 'You can always tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down'

  • I like that quote a lot πŸ˜€

  • Well, it sounds like you run MUCH faster than me! It sounds to me like you're doing a fab job...stamina, fitness, health are far more important than how fast each of us run...any run is great in my book.

  • Thanks 😊 Agreed, any run is good !

  • I remember one hell of a row/discussion on another Forum that started when I casually mentioned that you don't "sail" a submarine, you "drive" it.

    That's the official term but my lord did my assertion cause ructions :)

    Responses varied the gamut from " I think you might be confused" to " you are obviously barking mad"

    In the end though, whether you are piloting a ship or sailing a boat or driving a submarine - you are in the water.

    And when we be doing what we be doing and she be doing what she be doing- we be all running!

    ARRRR! ;)

  • Some people feel so inadequate, they have to big themselves up by putting others down. I recently met someone who listened patiently to my ramblings about running 20 - 30 KM a week, and how I'd done 9K the other day when I got lost... she then said she'd love to run... of course I told her all about C25K and this forum... then she said she'd never be a runner, she can only do a half Marathon...

    I'll never get near 30 mins, I did 34 once, but then I got slower...just can't imagine ever doing that again...I ruin for the places it takes me, I go sightseeing every time I go out. I've learnt so much about my home town and been places I never knew existed. What would I want to go fast for? I'd miss everything!

  • Running adventures are what it's about, isn't it πŸ˜€

  • I have enjoyed reading all the replies to this post, very uplifting and encouraging - thanks everybody! Oh, and I too will never manage a 30 min 5k - well, perhaps if I was going downhill, pulled by my dog and with a strong tail wind!! ;)

  • Agreed skyesue16 , it's been lovely reading all the replies. I'm truly over my friend's comment and feeling the positive vibes from this great community

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