Dementia

[Advice1]

My mother is in her mid 70's

had breast cancer that went into remission in 2010 but unfortunately

it came as secondary spine compression cancer a couple of small tumours that cannot be operated on

due to the area they are in and

she has lost the use her legs

She has a bedsore grade 3 so has

had the challenge of staying in bed for about 3-4 weeks this sore has been healing but has come back again.

My mother is always against my info from the professionals that i relay to her ie Occupational Therapy who mapped her wheelchair so she has a correct cushion for her as her sore is at the lower back just above the bottom as OT understand bedsore

and best way to treat them.

I am concerned she may have starting of dementia as like i say she explains she wants to be hoisted get up and go out in her wheelchair every four days 3-4 hrs in that day which is what the nurse told her .Totaly different to what OT say.My mothers explains she does not want to talk about the subject it anymore ,but it affects me as i still have to deal with all the professionals with letters and phone calls etc i cant just keep quiet as i care about my family .

But this nurse is not qualified to say this is what ti do only OT can suggest a professional opinion .My mothers always goes against the family always knows better and rambles a lot without getting to the point on anything and everything small becomes an argument she seems to get angry at most things and scared what might happen to the dog and worry it may be cold or ill.

She focuses more on her dog than any interest in the family or friends started lying about things which she never did before and is very forgetful ,everything becomes a competition of being right than following the best advice and she does not seem grateful for the amount of attention and support she gets from everyone as explained there are people with very little support from family abd no friends .If i get updates from the nurses or GP she says i am going behind her back and being devious but as she forgets what

has been discussed i have to get some idea to share with other professionals.

She has reduced eating due to her stomach getting bigger maybe because being in bed so long and posture limiting herself to soup and half a sandwich in evening following a fad of Gluten free diet even though never be tested.She is becoming hard to help

as is always against us but we are at our wits end as we and professionals want her to stay in bed being rolled

by Carers 3 times a day to get this sore better for a few weeks otherwise she we be going back to hospital Her condition of cancer is less dangerous than her getting an infection in the sore as the consultant explained.If it gets worse and she has to go back to hospital again as she was already in hospiral before for 5 months it wilk destroy her .I would love her to follow reason and stop arguing for once

but i can only presume this could be dementia from her stubborness that is only going to affect her and makes us sad. I would really appreciate any thoughts please as i am just trying to do the best.

[Debs1962]

Hi , I am sorry you are having a rough rime with your mum, I can relate to what you are saying my mums friends who definitely has dementia behaves the same, she gets so worried about her cat! Their personality can change there is no doubt about that, it maybe an idea to chat with a doctor about it? But how you handle and talk to people with dementia will need to be looked at to try and avoid stress and confrontation to your mum and you.

Hope you get some help etc

Deb xx

[Advice1 in reply to Debs1962]

Hi Deb thank you for your kind reply and

thanks for your advice and time, if this is Dementia i will try to modify my

way of dealing with her ,so i dont cause her to get angry and stressed thanks for explaining this and thanks for help and support

at this challenging time.

Good Luck

[RuthJ]

Hi so sorry to hear this my mum didn’t have cancer but she had Alzheimer’s and the only way we could convince her to do anything was to her to write notes on what she had to do everyday and then get her to check her list during the day when she needed to take tablets eat etc. Obviously it doesn’t work forever as she eventually forgot what her own writing was like but this worked for a good few years. Maybe if you can convince her in what she needs to do and write a list it might work. It’s really tough I feel your pain. Love Ruth xx

[Advice1 in reply to RuthJ]

Hi Ruthj

thanks for your kind reply

the note idea is very good which

i will try to introduce to my mother

thanks for your generous support.

[Berylynn]

There was a good book on dementia I read...oliver james, contented dementia...its the only book that rings a bell just niw when I looked. It helped me when Dad went down that route. Watch your own blood pressure, sugar levels and health first, they can really wind you up, and screw up your own health if you dont. These tasks are set to test us. The 10 or twelve dementia questions are hidden in the book too, and how to treat them for a happier life.

[Advice1 in reply to Berylynn]

Hi Berylynn

Thank you for taking the time to reply with your suggestions on the book which is kind of you, i will follow the advice on looking after myself too.Thank you for your generous support too.

[carolinenailsea]

Very sorry to read your story. Its clearly very tough at the moment for you all. You cannot sort it all so please don't beat yourself up. All you can do is your best. It does sound like underneath she is frightened and struggling to cope with everything. And it sounds as if you are trying very hard to make things better but don't feel its working. You are in a very difficult situation. Life can be pretty hard at times and a lot is landing on your shoulders right now. To echo other's thoughts, do look after yourself too. I wish you both all the best. Hugs xx

[Advice1 in reply to carolinenailsea]

Hi carolinenailsea

thank you for your kind help and support .I will try not to forget myself ,and my health as i am so focused on my mother and have to get on with my life too and have a healthy balance .

I appreciate you taking time to

give your support and wise words

Good luck.