Happy New Year ...

[jackearls1000]

Happy New Year everyone ...I hope this new year will bring health and happiness to you all ....I'm facing the New Year with my last chemo ..on the 12th January ...then 3 x weeks of radiotherapy ..I have to have a CT scan ...I'm so worried in case they find anymore cancer ...how silly is that ??? I tend to worry about everything these days ...How will I feel about the end drawing near??? will I be able to live my life like I use to ...how long will it be till my hair is looking decent again ?? and I don't have to wear wig in public anymore ??? and how long after chemo will I feel a bit more normal again ??? silly ..I am just coming to the end of chemo ...I should be elated ...onwards and upwards ...have a lovely day everyone ...and Happy New Year !!! xxxx

[Lainey66]

Hi Jackearls1000

Whoop whoop, happy days the end of chemo is nigh! Three weeks of radio will seem like a walk in the park to you after chemo Missus 👍👍. It’s good to hear that you are having your CT scan, look at it from a positive point of view, it is going to ensure all the cancer has been nuked. If, and only if, it did show that there was anything else there, then you will fight it a little bit more. Better to have the scan and find out that there was a bit remaining than not have a scan and have the cancer return after a while - in which time it may have spread. Will you be able to live your life like you used to? Well that is a question only you yourself can answer. Your life post chemo and all other treatments may be different than you originally planned, it may however, smoothly pick up from where you left it and continue on. Mine changed quite a lot. For me, Due to the cancer being triple negative with a higher chance of returning, and my career having the huge potential to be somewhat stressful (stress feeds cancer) my oncologist and GP refused to sign me back to work. I attended a medical for the department of education and they too agreed with my consultants and my GP. So, for this very active 51 year old, it was early retirement. So, what happens now? Well, first of all I had to give myself a good old shake and a harsh talking to. I could either let this depress me (I loved my career and had worked blooming hard to get where I was) or I could see this as a way to benefit me, accept change, own it, make it mine on my terms. After all cancer had now robbed me of my health, robbed my family from happiness and now cruelly stolen my career! This was my time to take back my life and truly own it. I had to keep myself busy, so I took up painting, I go swimming, I have turned my daughters old bedroom into a craft room, I walk, I ... wait for this one... I have taken up gaming, well I had to see what all the fuss was over 😂 I love it. I read and I am currently writing a book. It may never be published, but there again it might just be published, who knows? It is something I have to find out for me later down the line. If it’s not published, will I worry? Nope, I will just try again. Granted we have had to tighten the belt financially, as I only get a very small pension due to my age and the amount of years in my work. Things have their own way of falling into place. As far as your hair goes, well it’s hair, it will grow back in time, maybe a different colour, texture, style, but it will come back. I never bothered with wigs and hats. I loved the air on my scalp. This also allowed the follicles to remain strong and my hair grew back quite strong. I had it dyed the other day, I’m rocking this bright white, spikey punk look in my DM’s and leather trousers 😂😂😂😂 as for being/feeling normal again, well what in all honesty is normal? I gave up trying to work that out a long long time ago. Normal is different to everyone. You will find your normal and you will move on, as you say, onwards and upwards, because that is all we can do. We have to take our own situation and make it work for us. Don’t be afraid of any change, instead, embrace it and see it all as a small part of life’s great adventure. After chemo for me it was a bit of a damp squib. I expected to feel elated, on top of the world, cartwheeling around the place screaming “I’m alive!” Did I? Nope! I felt a bit lost, alone and scared because the crutch that was playing a huge part in propping me up had gone! I felt like I had been dropped like a hot potatoe. I cried and felt low. It was a time where I could quite easily have wallowed in self pity, sadness, delayed anger and shock. It was seeing the hurt I, yes me, was causing the very people who loved and cared for me all through my horrid battle that gave me the kick I needed. Knowing that this can happen Jackearls, make yourself a plan on what you can do to counteract this as it was not a nice place to be. Just take life as it comes one day at a time. Any changes, well, make them yours. I appreciate life a lot more now, I rid myself of negative people, I don’t really tolerate fools gladly these days and I give very short shrift to drama and stress and those who like to cause it. I do what I can when I can. I still take a nap in the day as I do suffer fatigue, but I plan my naps now. I have built them in as part of my day. After all if an entire nation can plan their working days around siestas, I am sure I can too 😂😂. Jackearls1000, here I am waffling on ... again! 🙄 I will leave you in peace now and hope I have not bored you beyond belief. Here is to the very best of health and happiness for you and all of us on this forum for 2018. Grab life by the goolies and make it yours to enjoy 😉 have a good one. Lainey66 xxxx❤️💐

[jackearls1000 in reply to Lainey66]

wow ..Lainey thank you for this reply ....is a CT scan usual? ...or is it dependant on what type cancer ? ...I thought it was routine by the way they were talking to me ...to place the markers ? ...I had an appointment for it the day of chemo ..I had to cancel as I don't think I could do chemo and scan ...on the same day ....yes I have found certain friendships have come to an end .but on a positive note I have made new ones and strengthen old friendships ....my hair ...well its growing ...I have no bald patches ..and I have decided to take it one week at a time ....I cant feel any worse than I do at the mo ...and I must start to feel better after a couple of weeks ..knowing I don't have to have anymore ...yes I think I need to reinvent myself ...quite exciting really ..I love the 50s style and my long black hair was very much part of it ...but maybe now something new ?? ...I have been most grateful for the Rosie Riveter look with the bandanna ...having managed to save a bit of my fringe ....

I wasn't told I was triple negative ...but I do get the impression that I am ....I asked my BC Nurse and she said I wasn't ..I'm just not hormone receptive ...she said ...but I spose if I was ,I would have had more than just the fec ...this chemo was given me to mop up any rogue cells that they cant see under a microscope ...and the radiotherapy was like an insurance policy ...after my op they told me the cancer was all gone as my lymph's was clear and I had clear margins ...I don't know ..I just worry worry all the time ..thankyou for your time Lainey ...and I wish you magic and sparkles for the new year ....sounds like life is settling down nicely for you ...onwards and upwards xxx

[Lainey66 in reply to jackearls1000]

Absolutely Onwards and Upwards - the CT is pretty much routine so no worries needed. Look forward to reinventing yourself - it is lots of fun. Don’t forget that whatever way your life goes work wise make sure to have You time. Treat yourself. You have more than earned it. Sending hugs 🤗Lainey xxx