British Pregnancy Advisory Service
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Will surrogacy affect the life of my child?

Hello everyone! I hope you all are doing fine. I have been doing a lot of things lately... I've been so busy that I have barely had time to think. Doing surrogacy has been great and tiring too do far... However a scary thought hit me lately. Will the fact that my child cane to life through surrogacy affect the way people see him/her? I don't my child to be bullied because of my sickness... I don't want my child to suffer due the same thing that has driven me at the edge of sanity many times... Surrogacy is something that is relative new. Not a lot about is fully understood... In many ways the majority of population is ignorant towards it. As far as I have seen with ignorance comes prejudice... I am really scared about this whole thing. I would love to hear some opinions... God bless you all!

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Hey hun. Why do others have to know? Only close family/ friends but if it was me why do others need to know. If the child feels happy to tell others when their older then that's upto them but you don't need to tell everyone if you don't want too. Your right the ignorance in this day and age does come with I'll Manners and callous words but I really wouldn't worry about that only you and close ppl need know hun. I know exactly where your coming from natural mother instinct kicking in. Do how you feel lovely. But me personally I wouldn't tell anyone that doesn't need to know 😘💖

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Hey to you too darling! I get what you mean... I can treat this thing as something super personal... At the end of the day it is just that. However I can't just hide it... A child doesn't miraculously pop out of nowhere... What can I say to my neighbors? They didn't see me with a big belly yet I have a child. No pregnancy, no nothing, yet there is a child. I could say that I adopted my child... But wouldn't that be worse? Like lying about it... I know I will adopt too in the future, still... I don't know this is a very complex situation I am at. God bless you dear. Thanks for you advice.

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Hun a girl I new just looked bloated through her pregnancy and no one knew not even her she went in hospital in agony one day and wow a baby boy came. No one had a clue. Theres ways round this my love you could start wearing big tops and even get a baby bump suit that actresses wear if you was willing too. But if you really don't want to go down that route, and you feel like telling these people tell them at the end of the day there's so much that goes on in the world these days I don't think ppl would dwell on it. But you know the ppl around you better don't you. You have time to think about this situation thouroughly and do whatever is, best for you and your family don't please others please yourselves. You say and do what's best for you hun you owe ppl nothing remember that . I hope your ok lovely 💝😘😘

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I guess that is something that happens... I think I have red something like that before. There was a name for such pregnancy... It's not like a pathological pregnancy I think... It can happen to anyone. Anyway this was a long time ago... My memory has never been great. The current occurrences have made things worse. I don't have time to remember! Its going to be hard to convince everyone of that ahahhaha! Plus a lot of people from neighborhood know of my condition. They were kind enough to come and visit me in the hospital! Anyway thanks for trying to lift my spirit. I appreciate this! It is good to have a kind and caring friend around.

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If they know of your situation and were decent enough to come a visit then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

You have lots of time to get your head round this see what hubby says and come to an agreement, your baby/baby's if they do get picked on in anyway you will and others will put these children in their places. I know it's hard to not worry I'm worrying so much regards my daughter starting school and getting bullied she's extremely shy but we will get through it and work through it no matter what, your built of strong stuff lovely you'll work this out.

😘💝💝

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To be honest hubby doesn't really care about this... He has never worried about what folks have to say. All he talks about recently is our trips to Ukraine and our surrogate. How we should stick with her... Like he wants me to go at our clinic as often as we can. Which I really do like but... You know when I don't have him. The trips are a little less fun. Meeting the surrogate is great and all but without him... Yeah anyway! I guess you are right. I don't live surrounded by evil doers! Maybe I am overthinking way too much! Who knows stuff can go easily for me. Like hot knife thtough butter. At least lets hope for that! :D

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See Hubby's got the right attitude. You shouldn't worry but I know where your coming from and I know I'd be the same, I partly agree with the lady below but I do think us ppl on these forums have a lot more understanding for obvious reasons. There are nasty ppl out there and some are really negative and make ppl feel like shit because of what they don't understand. But like you said your not surrounded by evil doers and the, fact that they know your story makes it all so much easier I believe they understand they know what you've been through. Im sorry it's hard without hubby being there I understand how much fun you had when you both went before. Hopefully it won't, be for too long hun. Keep your chin up lovely I'm sure nothing will be as bad as you think 😘💝

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I don’t think you’re giving people enough credit - I don’t see where prejudice would come from? The baby is yours regardless of where (s)he came from! In my eyes it’s no different to IVF, it shows that the child was SO wanted and will be SO loved that you were willing to do anything to have her in your life and who can have a bad word to say about that? I think surrogacy has also had such a huge coverage in pop culture (think phoebe in friends, they also covered it in rules of engagement) that the public are aware of it and it has no negative connotations to my knowledge? As the lady above said, you need to do what’s right for you, but I think if you’re open and honest, no one is going to judge. If anything it can be an opportunity to educate people in something that they may not know about! I know that if I were a friend or neighbour I’d be so pleased for you regardless. Also, Congratulations! X

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I am a little pessimistic. Maybe I just went way too far this time... I don't know where it would come from either. It's just that at certain times you are sad for no reason. I mean I tend to overthink all the little details. It is killing me. Thank you for your kind words too! It is amazing to hear them, thanks a lot! You see I live in Italy. The mentality of people is different here from US for example... Even from many European countries. Religion is a huge deal here and... You know it is believed that surrogacy is a sin. At least that is what I have heard. So knowing how religious everyone is... I just felt like they would have something to say about this. Anyway you are right. This is a great chance to educate people about surrogacy. I am thinking about being as open about this as I can.

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Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise you were from Italy (your English is flawless!) and I also didn’t realise what attitudes were like towards surrogacy there, I see why you’re worried but I’d like to think that those closest to you would support you through your journey, as it’s going to be stressful enough without having the added stress of faking a pregnancy. It’s one of those things that no one will know except those who see you regularly, so do what you feel is best, you have plenty of time to think about it. But hopefully you can change people’s minds and show them how beautiful surrogacy is, it most certainly is not a sin! Otherwise adoption would also be considered a sin surely? Good luck!

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Hey Alessia! Surrogacy is considered to be the best option for the infertile couples these days and the best thing is, the child is not affected by the Surrogate mother's body. He belongs to the intended parents. Secondly, how can your child be bullied when he belongs to you biologically? He is your own child. Stop thinking about the negative things. You are his mother and you are raising him. Don't be scared and be brave. It's true that surrogacy is not yet accepted all over the world and people consider it as taboo, but soon, they will realize that how much this procedure is beneficial to the people. Just remove all these thoughts from your mind and think positive, not just for yourself, but for the cane. If you are scared about the ignorance of the people, why don't you start spreading awareness about surrogacy? Do what makes you happy. Leave the people and live your life.

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