Hi My partner had a heart attack in mid July. He went to A&E with what he described as niggles in his chest which he put down to stress (he was a workaholic) and the tests showed he'd had a heart attack, over the course of the week. He was admitted to hospital where he stayed for just under 2 weeks and had 3 stents fitted. He was so grateful when he came home, and embraced life again. However over the last few weeks his mood has changed. He used to be positive, looking on the bright side of life was his kind of motto but now he's having mood swings. One minute he's angry, the next he's totally overreacting at the smallest things and then like a switch, he's calm again. He won't admit this is happening. He's not violent or anything like that but the tension isn't helping our son whose autistic. Is this a temporary thing, tablet related (he's on quite alot) or does he need mental health support? And if he does need support, how do i persuade him to access it. I just want to support him the best I can
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Katjane2
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Sorry to hear your husband is struggling. It has probably made him realise his mortality, which can happen after a health scare. I should know! I am struggling too at the moment. My anxiety & stress levels are through the roof at the moment. I cannot relax at at all. Waiting for results of tests etc. at the advice of my GP I have self referred to Tallking Therapies, which may help your husband. Please be patient it’s early days for him yet. He will get better hopefully as he gets used to what’s happening to him. My husband is at his wits end with me 😫.
Sending positive thoughts to you & your husband. 🤗
When I was diagnosed with heart problems I also tried Talking therapy got the first time , it was CBT based and I did find it very helpful so I’m sure it will help you 😊x
my life experience tells me that workaholics know better than you do!
Can you go out for a walk with him and say (not confrontationally but in passing) how glad you are that he had this “blip” and we now know what needs to be done to make his quality of life better?
also, are you in charge of his diet? Can you make tweaks without him noticing very much? Lots of heart friendly information about diet on websites such as British Heart Foundation and Blood Pressure UK.
Thanks for your reply. Yes, I do the cooking and am making changes, some he knows about, others he doesn't! I've tried calmly talking to him out of the home but he still knows best. I'll keep trying though
I don't know what tablets he is taking but he went through a traumatic experience. I found I was very moody and anxious for around 8 weeks after my bypass op.
He will be going through all sorts of emotions amplified by tablets. If he is a balanced person there should be no need to go down the mental health route but let time take its course whilst looking to see via the leaflets if any of the tablets might be adding to the mood swings
Thank you for replying. I suspected it may have been amplified by the medication. I'll speak to my brother about the medication. He's a pharmacist and is like a walking encyclopedia of tablets and reactions!
I found my recovery harder mentally than physicially. So your husband may be feeling the same. Trouble is men find it harder to admit! I found myself very short tempered and the pressure of not getting stressed made me more stressed!!! Plus I lost loads of confidence and this affects people in different ways. You suddenly realise your body has let you down and it’s not as good as you thought it was. He’s probably feeling vulnerable for the first time ever. Stick with it and try and encourage him to talk (when things are calm). Once I had admitted to my husband how I was feeling and also discussed with a counsellor it really helped. Depression is often experienced after heart attack too. Try to normalise it and perhaps tell him ‘stories’ of friends of friends or colleagues who have experienced similar and subsequently found it hard and this may open up the conversation for him. Best wishes to you both.
Will he have cardiac rehab? I think that provides support physically and mentally so encourage him to attend. My mental health improved when I returned to the gym too.
Hi. Thank you for your replyI suspect it is this. He finds it incredibly hard to open up as it is. Childhood trauma. I've tried to normalise it as much as possible and two close friends have experience of spouses having the stent op. I will continue to be patient. Thanks
I’m really sorry to hear you are both having a hard time. I had a heart attack in March with 2 stents fitted and yes I’m glad I’m still here and feeling well. From my experience I was angry that it happened to me fairly young no too overweight active person why me also I was snappy and short it’s a bit like I’m not gonna shut my mouth I’m just gonna say it as it is be frank and honest and if you don’t like it then bugger off sort of thing. You think that was close so I’m not going to hold back my feelings I’m just gonna be real not that I ever have but I suppose the word is less tollorent and more to the point. My husband is finding it hard but I think not understands. Maybe your husband feels the same. Hope this helps x.
Hi Katjane2,I had a tough mental time of it, exactly as you describe, after initially being so happy just to be alive. Cardio rehab was great for mind and body, but my personality had changed and I was reacting just like your partner. I brought it up with the nurse at the rehab sessions and she referred me to the cardio psychologist. This was the big turning point in my rehabilitation, the psychologist explained exactly my emotions to me, it was like a switch being flicked and the lights coming back on, I was so elatated that I sat in my car in the hospital carpark and cried with happiness. I only had two meetings but the second was unnecessary. Get your partner to attend rehab, ask for a referral to the psychologist, you'll both reap the benefits.
I’m sorry to hear this. I’m going through the same thing myself. I’m finding my moods swing dramatically. Trying to pinpoint it is so hard. Waiting for rehab and talk therapy. But my family are at the forefront of the moods.
Hi there. Sorry to read this, must be very hard and confusing for you all. I'm no expert on meds and their side effects as I'm just starting out on this journey myself . I wonder though, if he could be grieving and experiencing the stages of loss (who he was/ is etc) this may explain the shift in mood and the process is not linear. It may also be that this has brought up past issues/ events that he hasn't dealt with, maybe his cup is now full and spilling over? If he is reluctant to talk to someone such as a counsellor, could he go to a men's group such as Andys man club? It's a non judgemental space that he could take at his own pace.
yes - The mental recovery can be difficult. I found that physical recovery and mental adjustment were a roller coaster - two steps forward then some back - that downward ‘blip’ is the difficult one to cope with. When I was told it was safe I started swimming / walking in the baths and have found it very helpful giving me a focus on the days I go. Without the stress of all my exercise being walking.
Everybody is different and I am sure a path forward will evolve. PLH
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