Anyone know what has happened to Sue & Ralph?
Where has Castleview gone? - British Heart Fou...
Where has Castleview gone?
Written by
Cat04
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52 Replies
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Hi Cat,
This was the last post by Sue however, it seems she is no longer a member. I’m not sure what has happened, but I do hope she and Ralph are doing ok. There maybe others who are able to contact her directly for an update.
healthunlocked.com/bhf/post...
Thank you, I saw that post and it has been redacted and edited by BHF moderators. I do hope all is OK with them both and someone can update us.
The redacted part was naming three hospitals where her husband may go to for further tests. Nothing sinister or untoward was written by her but perhaps the BHF forum rules say naming hospitals is against forum rules. Perhaps the redactions have upset her given she is in such an upset state given all they are going through. The last thing she needs is any more upset bless her. The forum has been a source of comfort for her at this dreadful time.
Castleview was obviously getting a lot of support from members of this forum and she may now be in need of even more support. I hope that all is well with them both.
The last paragraph of the rules & regs - " We want our community to be a welcoming place, where members feel safe and supported" no longer seems to be so for them.
The fact that she is showing as hidden means she's removed herself from the forum rather than having been removed. I think she may have been upset by a couple of members bickering on her post, she asked them to please stop as she couldn't cope. The comments have been removed now so the thread looks different.
She was getting a lot of support & she desperately needed it, hopefully someone will be able to contact her.
I did t see anyone bickering . I hate to sound negative , but maybe things with Ralph have taken a tragic turn for the worst . I hope I’m wrong 😢😢
I've been wondering the same. I hope everything is ok with them both. I think Sue's been incredible posting updates on here. Maybe she just needs a break to concentrate on Ralph & the rest of her family.
I hope that the BHF Admin have not removed her because she unintentionally broke the guidelines without considering the desperate situation she was in , or the fact that the replies and support that Castleview was getting here were helping her survive a very traumatic experience as the carer and partner of a critical heart patient.If this is the case , and she has been removed , they should reassess their decision and reinstate her account before they leave a poor, heroic lady without the help she needs to get through her current situation, her husband is critically ill , for goodness sake. And upsets a valiant and kind human being in her greatest time of need.
If BHF Admin or HU sent her a blanket complaint about her overlooking the guidelines which upset her so much she left that would be cruel and unnecessary too.
Unfortunately, if she's gone it's highly unlikely that any of us could reach out , even in private messages to give her support .
To be frank , if any Admin team have caused this lady to leave or brought about her removal , it's them that should be banned for poor behaviour rather than Castleview.
I hope she's still reading the forum and decides to return or puts in an appeal to return , but realistically she has enough to do and put up with as it is and probably doesn't have the physical or emotional energy at this time to battle bureaucracy laid on without consideration with a lead trowel.
May I point out to Admin and Moderators I'm voicing a complaint about how the system has been used in this case , not taking into consideration the individual involved , and I'm not being abusive or offensive in anyway to the forum or any individuals involved in it or HU , and therefore, not breaking any guidelines, feel free to message me about this if you are not happy with my comments. I'm a long time member and contributor to many forums , not just the BHF.
I believe the BHF moderators should give us an explanation in this case , without allowing replies to the post of necessary.
Without one , I think I would personally consider leaving the BHF forum because I don't want to be a member of this is how BHF on HU treats their mist vulnerable and needy members at the worst time in their lives.
If your reading this Castleview , I'm really sorry this has happened and we are still here for you and you could send a private message to any of us to keep in communication if you have only left the BHF forum but are still on HU.
Hugs Castleview, Bee
Totally agree with all you've said, Blearyeyed. I will also consider leaving BHF. I have been keeping up to date with Castleview's posts and she really is in a very understandably vulnerable state due to her husbands heart issues. I would have thought that 'support' was a major reason for this forum's existence. The forum members have all been incredibly supportive and it would be shameful if BHF doesn't practice this ethos as well.
Apparently, a couple of members also thought it was more important to have a disagreement on her post than it was to just leave it for supportive messages and this also understandably upset her.If this is the case , I hope those members are ashamed of themselves.
If she has also been reprimanded for breaking guidelines on top of that I wouldn't be surprised that she felt so awful that she left.
It's a situation that has definitely got me thinking about heading for the door myself.
I need to be in a forum that has an atmosphere of kindness and support, not one that adds stress to my day when I see people's posts and feelings being disregarded.
It's such a terrible shame.
I've noticed certain members doing that in the past, Blearyeyed - what a truly awful way to behave toward someone so obviously vulnerable and needing help and support. I agree, they should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. I would also say that behaviour like this shames the moderators of the forum as well. Do they simply look at guidelines without looking at reasons or reading the history of a member and trying to understand what they're actually going through?
Hi Bleareyed this is why I do not go on facebook and others I do respond to questions which are on here if I am taking same tablets and same conditions etc and have supported Sue and Ralph I do feel people should only give valuable comments which most do and show the kindness we all give, Bekind has decided to head for the door also her replies were so sincere and will be very missed, I too hope all is well with Ralph and Sue is thinking I do not need this!!
Totally agree with you Blearyeyed well said. Hope Castleview reads these messages and can contact someone to let us know how they are. ❤️🤗 Castleview Xx.
Ditto. Thank you for this.
I left because of some bickering that I probably overreacted to. Back under a new name now as I missed the support from most of you. Please don't complain to admin as it was my decision
Completely understandable, and not an overreaction in your position , people should be more considerate about the stress that people are coping with in certain posts , and take their needs into consideration before they start a heated debate about other topics.People shouldn't feel they have to leave a health forum for the good of the health should they.
The concern was that seeing that your post redacted or if they'd contacted you to complain it might have been the straw that broke the camels back after also being upset by the spat. It wouldn't be the first time , sadly.
But as you say , the majority of the time that doesn't happen people are really sensitive and supportive and we really want to help each other survive this stuff.
Glad to see you are back , big hugs , Bee
Such a shame as she relied on the forum for support. Goodness knows what this has done it couldn’t have happened at a worst time.
I thought the idea of this site was for support? I now feel that what I write, how I feel, my emotions, my deepest thoughts are going to be 'edited and restricted'!
While I understand there must be some sort of guidelines and monitoring, people should be allowed to write how they feel, what they are going through. If we go to certain hospitals and name them why can't we do that? if it is factual then what is the problem? Or is it because they only allow GOOD things to be written about hospital's? I certainly look at reviews of hospitals and reports from the governing authorities.
I really hope someone is able to tell Sue and Ralph we are all thinking of them and hope all is ok.
Perhaps I will be banned now for saying what I think.
Oh no. This sounds bad.
I admire that woman for her brave and honest approach. They both deserve as much support and kindness as we can give and not reprimands for minor infringement. It helps that she writes really well and her humour shines through even at bleak moments.
I do hope we will accompany them on this long haul trip again.
I agree with everything that has been said. I think that the moderators are probably trying to protect Castleview from someone who might know her from mentioning the hospitals and area they live. I know its a long shot that someone would do. But I think we deserve answers to some of the decisions they make. Brian
Could it be that what she feared in her last paragraph of her last post happened and she is not ready to share with all yet ?
I really, really hope not.
Perhaps admin could reach out to her on behalf of all of us to see if she is okay
OHi there, and thank you for this caring and kind post. I too have been following Castleview's brave Odyssey. She's become a friend to loads of us hasn't she? Right now, she's a "friend in need, so a friend indeed".
Can I respectfully request the admins to kindly make her accessible to those of us who feel it's paramount to be able to support her?
I feel I'm personally quite backward online tbh, so forgive the idiot questions I'm about to ask but I feel it's really important those of us who care, can remain in contact with Sue & Ralph.
1. Does "Hidden" mean Castleview's been removed, or removed herself, from choice? Does it also mean she wouldn't be able to see any further replies?
2. I missed the 'bickering replies' that you're wondering may be the reason for her removal. She didn't write them, so why don't admins remove those replies instead of Castleview, who needs continued support from the genuine friends she's made here? Or better still, understand the huge stress heart patients are under and how it can exasipate emotions, and allow for it, pointing out the need for politeness but giving everyone another chance?
3. If it isn't Castleview who has chosen to remove herself, but had it done to her by the site that offers support to those in their darkest hour, then I can't think of a worse thing to do. I hope and trust this isn't the case.
4. Does anyone have her personal details so we can send our support via yourself, somehow, including our private details if she wants to keep in touch from then on?
I think someone asked if they could pm her and can't remember who that was.
Finally, this is the last post I read from her (I think/hope I've copied the link??? Click it twice). Best wishes to all of you here, huge 🫂 and ❤️ to Sue and Ralph.
gbr01.safelinks.protection....
healthunlocked.com/bhf/post... was the last post from Sue which was redacted/edited by the admins. Sue was asking for the bickering to stop as she couldn't cope with it on top of everything else. (Nearly at the end of the replies and comments)
Thank you so much for taking the time to share this. 😊
What we ALL go through is huge, who is to say how we each deal with it? The point is support for each other. I don't think people were intentionally bickering unkindly, having read it, rather, sharing troublesome issues too and trying to be careful how to, but when you're going through them yourself, it can be overload.
The subject matter of "mistakes" is always dire; and ranks get closed. Always unhelpful. Always contentious, and it never changes outcomes. Those are what we're left to deal with.
I know it well. A mistake in Maternity has resulted in one of our beloved children, now an adult, needing supported living for life, rather than being fully independent. Whether the hospital had closed ranks or not - naturally they did - we still had to deal with it, and still do.
I wonder if our Treasured Castleview has taken a step out of here herself. She's now got to look longterm at how to manage care for her beloved Ralph at home, eventually, and hopefully his situation will go on improving so that eases up in the longterm too.
I know we all send our love and care and support to them and I really hope she comes back. She's such a wonderful lady, such a great communicator, and her's and Ralph's courage and endurance is Indescribable.
She's also revealed all of us to each other and that's a gift, to have got to know many of you Kind Hearts on here.
Sending warm wishes to Everybody, for their health. May it be as good as it can be. 🙏❤️🩹❤️
Hoping that they are doing well...but not heard in the last few days.
It is a shame that she has removed her profile. I hope she reads this thread to know that people really do care.
If you are reading this Sue, I sincerely hope it's nothing I've said, and if it is, please accept my apologies.
Cat4, sorry to jump on your question to use it to contact Castleview.
Steve
No apology needed, it was the purpose of my post to hope that Sue gets to see all the support that is here for her & Ralph. Hoping someone is in personal contact with her to let her know we are still all with them on their continuing journey.
Thanks Cat04. I did swap some private messages with her, but didn't share my direct email.
Sue, reach out if you want to x
What an absolute shame. I can only pray that both Sue and Ralph are doing well. I didn't read anything about some members bickering so can't comment about it as I dont know the context of it. Perhaps she left the group of her own free will? We can only hope that Ralph pulls through and gets home soon.
I was thinking the same , now I know, what a shame.
Oh I didn't know Sue had left, I had been thinking that we hadn't had an update from her in the last few days and I thought maybe Ralph had taken a turn for the worse. I hope not. I did read the post with the hospital's on it but I never thought anything of I have mentioned my transplant hospital and my general hospital a few times and nothing has happened. I never noticed any bickering.I sincerely hope that Sue and Ralph are both ok, she had so much support on this forum and I hope admin did not upset her as she has so much to deal with and I'm sure it was helpful to write it down each day. Bekind has stopped posting as well, what is happening. Char
I have nothing but sympathy for Sue and Ralph. And it’s a stark reminder for all of us that modern medicine can be a hard journey. I do however sympathise with BHF’s moderators. Yes, this is an incredibly supportive community, when I had OHS and felt nobody else close to me knew what I was going through I looked to you for the companionship of fellow travellers. But we have to remember that there are bad people lurking in the shadows and there is always a risk that trusting people give away information that those bad people can use. Remember those stories about footballers who are burgled because thieves realise the house will be empty on a match day? We would not want something similar to happen to one of our community, but it might be possible to inadvertently give away the sort of information that’s useful to thieves or fraudsters. Perhaps we all need a little protection when we are at our most vulnerable.
I'm really worried now. After Ralph had so long without meds or food I was expecting an update.
Digger0 this is the post I was telling you about x
Thanks
if the account is hidden it means Castleview has deleted it herself for whatever reason
😢
If the account is hidden, it means it was the account owners decision to delete. If it disappears entirely, it’s admin deleting it.
This is all very sad. I do wish the best for Ralph and Sue.
Reading between the lines, it looks like Sue has been reprimanded by admin for contravening T&C's in her hour of need.
This was at a time where she was emotional, angry and frustrated. It was also at a time when she needed comfort and support of the forum.
I hope Ralph is in a better place than was described in Sue's last post. And that Sue has other support mechanisms she can lean on.
It would be comfort for others on this forum to know what happened. Perhaps Admin can reach out to Sue before a mass exodus occurs?
Hoping for the best but fearing the worst. If “ Hidden” means it was her choice.🤞
I really hope everything I'd okay with both of them. And I hope she has left of her own accord and return when it's right for her. And I didn't see the bickering either but shame on those that did the bickering this is a forum to support each other through difficult times. We all have different opinions and thoughts we should not get offend by a different view. As what works for me for example does not work for you. It doesn't mean either of us are wrong. It's just we are different
Sue and Ralph sending lots of Hugs
The link to Sue's post is above but there are redactions and edits by the moderation team. I believe some comments have also been removed. Sue implored the bickering to stop as she couldn't cope with it on top of their ongoing situation and now having left she is without the massive support that she was regularly getting from members. Just hoping someone is in private contact with her to let her know we care.
Me too when my husband had is Stroke and was in hospital for a extended period I didn't know about this forum. I would have loved this support. Because it is a massive roller coaster. My husband will never be the person he was before the stroke ( because he has very limited volcabray now. And right side paralysed) he was an accountant before but has now lost executive thinking. But we are lucky we still have him. But at the time going through it was painful. And I really wish I knew about the forum and gained that support..
Sending hugs
Hugs to you two too x
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